Nash
I woke after a restless night. A night where I’d wrestled with some motherfucking demons. They’d chased me down and knocked my ass flat on the ground, strangling the life out of me. I’d almost hit the point of no return last night. The bottle was begging me to make her my mistress again, and it was taking every fucking ounce of restraint I had not to succumb to her charms.
The one thing that could help me, the release I craved, was the one thing I couldn’t make myself do. Sex. Usually I fucked my way out of this black hole, but Velvet had changed all of that. She’d changed everything, and the suffocating pressure I experienced when I thought about her told me that I needed to stay as far from her as I could. The fucking problem was that a need like I’d never known consumed my every waking moment; a need that only she could fill.
Fuck.
My phone buzzed with a text as I was getting ready for the day.
Erika: Thanks very much for assaulting my neighbour.
Me: You’re fucking welcome.
Erika: Not what I was aiming for, asshole.
Me: He deserved it.
Erika: I give up.
I shoved my phone in my pocket, choosing to ignore any further messages from her. I’d see her tonight anyway, and had no doubt she’d continue her tirade then. Until then, I had club business that needed taking care of. Griff was meeting me at the clubhouse in half an hour to go over some of it so I pushed everything else to the back of my mind and concentrated on the one part of my life I still felt some control over.
***
After dealing with morning traffic I’d finally arrived at the clubhouse only to cop shit off Griff after we finished going over club business.
“You talk to Velvet?” He was giving me the look he reserved for men he wanted to use as his personal punching bag.
“It’s none of your business, but yes I did.”
“And?”
“What the fuck, Griff? I don’t stick my nose in your business.”
“My business doesn’t include Velvet. That woman is a friend and I look out for my friends, brother. You included.”
“You can look out for me by leaving this the hell alone.”
“Why are you so hell bent on burying this? I thought you and Velvet were good friends.”
“We were.”
“Were?”
Fuck.
“Screwing her wrecked the friendship if you must know. Just like I knew it would. Women can’t mix the two.”
“You sure it’s all on her?”
“What the fuck?”
“I saw you knock back two chicks last night. Never seen that before, so I’ve gotta wonder why. And I can’t help but think that Velvet’s got something to do with it.”
“Got a lot of shit going on, brother. Velvet’s the least of my fuckin’ concerns,” I asserted, more than ready for this conversation to be over.
He contemplated what I’d said and then nodded slowly. “I hope Velvet’s still there when you’re ready to be honest with yourself. You two would be good for each other.”
I felt the desperate need to argue with him about that, but I saw Velvet enter the clubhouse and needed to escape the building more than I needed to argue. “I’ll catch you later, man,” I muttered as I made my hasty exit.
***
I arrived at Mum’s for family dinner that night and Carla grinned at me, raining some sunshine down into my shitty day. “Glad you could make it, big brother,” she greeted me with a hug.
I wrapped my arms around her and held on for a little longer than necessary. “Wouldn’t miss Mum’s cooking, babe,” I said as I reluctantly let her go.
She eyed me suspiciously. “What’s wrong, Nash?”
“Nothing. I’m good,” I said a little too enthusiastically.
“You’re forgetting who you’re talking to. I’m not one of your biker friends who doesn’t know you as well as I do; you can’t lie to me, so spill.”
I rubbed my face. “It’s just been one of those months,” I admitted.
Her face was a picture of kindness. “I get it,” she said, quietly.
I smiled at her, and reached out to squeeze her hand. “Thank you.” She knew exactly what was bothering me and I loved her for not forcing me to talk about it.
“Nash,” she whispered, “Next month is going to be bad, isn’t it?”
My chest constricted. “Yeah.”
The worst fucking hell.
Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked a couple of times and got herself under control. She faltered for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry.”
I pulled her to me and hugged her again. We clung to each other for a couple of minutes, neither saying a word, but there was no need for words. Besides, after ten years there were no more words to be said. Words wouldn’t bring him back.
Carla moved out of my hold. “You should come into the kitchen. I’ve got some news to tell everyone.” She changed the subject and managed to lighten the mood a little.
“Fuck, I hope you’re not going to tell us you’re getting married or some shit.”