But now, she was here, sitting in my living room, my thumb running across her cheek as she stared back at me with glimmering blue eyes, her blonde hair pulled back tight, her tan skin glowing. She looked even more breathtaking than the last time I had seen her. But she was trying to tell me no. That there won’t be an us again. I couldn’t let that happen. I had let her go once. I wasn’t going to do it again.
I slid down to the floor, and placed my body between her knees, gripping both of her hands in mine. “Ally, I’m not saying you would do something like that, just go running back to your ex, I just…I just expected the worst. Every different scenario ran through my head constantly. What you were doing, who you were with, if you were thinking about me, even though I didn’t deserve you to. All I’m asking is for another chance to prove that I’m in this forever with you.” I paused to kiss the top of each of her hands, and I heard a sound that resembled a whimper escape her lips as she looked up at the ceiling, blinking her eyes rapidly. “Things have changed for me a lot. Ariel is the biggest part of my life now, but there’s still room for you. I’ll always make room for you, no matter what. I love you, Ally. Heart and soul, forever and always. Please, just give me a chance to make it up to you.”
“Nick.” She blew out a shaky breath before looking back down at me, her lips pressed into a tight line. It seemed like she was sitting right on the edge, deciding which direction to turn: to me, or straight for the door.
“I’ll do anything, Ally. Anything.”
She laughed lightly and squeezed both of my hands. “I need honesty, Nick, at all times. If you would’ve just told me about all of this from the beginning, we wouldn’t be at this point. I don’t know where you got the strange idea that I didn’t want kids, but I’ve never once said that. Yes, I didn’t think I would want them for a couple more years, probably, but life happens, Nick. Sometimes you have no control over it, but that’s the beauty.” She paused, biting her bottom lip like she was contemplating what to say next. I wanted to reach up and bite that lip myself, but I didn’t think this was the right time. Yet.
“It’s hard knowing that you had a baby with another woman, though,” she whispered, one tear slipping down her cheek. I hated that I was the cause of them. “And I think I need some time to process that.” She paused, her blue eyes glossy with the tears they hadn’t shed yet. I wanted to comfort her, and I was fighting every urge in my body not to. I could tell I wasn’t going to like what came next.
“I need time to wrap my head around everything, before we can go back to being us…if we can go back to being us,” she added, and just when I thought everything was looking better, my heart dropped right back into my stomach from one tiny little word.
If.
“Alright, Al.” I nodded my head, wanting to do the complete opposite. To tell her no, there was no way in hell I was letting her walk out of here, not knowing if there was a possibility I might never see her again. Not knowing if my life would be completely empty. I had my family’s love and support, and my daughter, who was my world, but it just wasn’t the same without Ally, and it probably never would be if she didn’t come back to me.
But I couldn’t tell her no.
I needed to give her time, even if everything in me was saying to do the complete opposite, even if all I wanted to do with my time was spend it with her. I had just thrown a lot at her all at once, though, and honestly she was handling it pretty well for the most part. I just needed to have faith, that what we had together was something she couldn’t live without either.
Ally
I felt a huge lump of guilt sitting on my chest as I pulled back into my spot at the apartment complex. Resting my head on the steering wheel, I played through everything that happened at Nick’s house. Seeing him again lifted some of the depression that has been squeezing at my heart, but once everything had been aired out, it all settled back into place.
I wanted to give in to him right away. It would have been so easy to, but I couldn’t. After everything that happened with Teddy, I was wary of everything and everyone. Nick had seemed to be truly sorry, and I think I believed everything he said, but the part about Kara living with him nagged me the most. I didn’t even want to think about that.
I could understand where Nick was coming from by not telling me. Somewhat. If I put myself into his situation, I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have done the same exact thing.
But now Kara was out of the picture, for good. At least I hoped so, even though I hated to see a little girl without her mother. Who would just leave their newborn daughter like that? Who could really do that?
I sat back in my seat, staring at the gray ceiling like it was going to give me some kind of answer. My phone started rattling around from the center console, and I glanced at the screen, a small smile creeping onto my face when Leah’s name popped up.
No, the ceiling wasn’t giving me answers, but Leah could, or she could at least help me along.
“Hello.”