“I wish I would’ve, Ally. Trust me. I was hoping that things had played out differently. When Kara first told me about the baby, she wanted me to sign adoption papers, not even have a chance to be in her life.” He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t even imagine not being a part of her life.”
I awkwardly patted his knee, trying to give him some kind of comfort and he gave me a small smile. “So, I thought about it a lot, and I finally told her no, that I was going to do this by myself. The guy she was with at the time didn’t want a baby around that wasn’t his.”
“So, you just assumed I would be the same way?” I asked, quietly.
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, Al. There were little things you would say every once in a while, and it sort of sounded like you didn’t want kids. So, I kept putting off telling you. And then Kara dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted to be a part of the baby’s life. I was thinking that we could work something out, some kind of agreement, but I felt like we needed to raise our daughter together, no matter how much I couldn’t stand her.”
I rolled my eyes. “Nick, do you realize how many single parents there are out there? You don’t always have to be the good guy.” I was hurt and touched at the same time by his line of thinking.
“Yeah, well, after everything that happened with you, I was definitely rethinking my decision. I couldn’t stand being apart from you, Al. Kara moved in here—”
“Kara moved in, here?” I pointed to the floor, and he nodded his head. “So, does that mean you guys were, like, back together?” I didn’t want to think about that, but I couldn’t help it.
“Never, Ally. I swear. I couldn’t even touch her. I wouldn’t.” I felt myself relax just a little. He looked sincere, and I think that I believed him, but really, it didn’t matter. “I was really thinking about coming to tell you the truth, and take things from there, but then, then she started to talk about what she would do if things didn’t work out between us. She was thinking about moving to California, and taking Ariel with her after she was born. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to think about my daughter first. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry for thinking about your daughter, Nick, that’s not your fault. The one to blame here is Kara.” I didn’t know it was possible, but I hated that girl even more. I disliked the word hate, but I had never felt it so strongly in my life as when it came to Kara.
His blue eyes lit up with something that resembled hope, and I squirmed in my seat. “Ally, I wanted to come to you so bad after that, but I needed to get all of my shit figured out, and get used to having a baby. I know I hurt you, but do you think we could just start fresh, wipe the slate clean? Please,” he added, his eyes pleading with me. I had to look away.
I had thought about this moment so many times. Would I let Nick back into my life if he wanted to? Could I forgive him for breaking my heart into a million pieces? Really, I didn’t think the opportunity would ever come. I just wish I had answered those questions in my head before now.
I took a deep breath, and looked straight in his eyes, knowing that I needed to be confident when I gave him my answer. I needed to be strong for myself, because what I was about to say was going to break me all over again. “I can’t, Nick. I’m sorry,” I added in a whisper.
I saw his whole body tense up, and he twisted towards me, his hands gripping my knees tightly. “Ally, what can I do to change your mind? Just give me something, please. Anything.”
“Nick, the answer’s still no.” I shook my head, trying to stop the tears that I could feel coming on.
“Is it because of him?” he bit out, and I could see his eyes darken with anger.
“Who?” I asked, confused. “Danny?”
“Danny?” he repeated, his eyebrows knitting together when he said his name. “Why in the hell would I be talking about Danny?” Obviously Danny had kept our friendship a secret from Nick, at least he had listened to me somewhat. “No, I mean Teddy. I figured you two ended up back together after...” His words dropped off, so I finished his thought for him
“You mean, after you broke up with me? You think I got back together with Teddy?” Honestly, it made me a little upset that Nick thought I would just go running back to Teddy after he broke things off. Did he really not have any faith in me as a person? I wasn’t a doormat.
Did all men think alike or something?
After Nick broke up with me, it’s like Teddy had gotten some kind of instant notification because he showed up on my doorstep the next morning. I was a mess, my eyes were puffy and red from the crying that I had tried so hard not to do, but couldn’t help. My hair probably looked like a giant rats’ nest on top of my head, and I was still wearing Nick’s shirt that I had put on the night before.
Teddy did a double take when I pulled the door open and waved him in.