Amanda nodded. “Yeah, I looked it up on the Internet after Kevin told me. It’s all definitely true, it’s him.”
“That’s pretty cool, I didn’t think he was the lawyer type we usually get around here.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I gotta get back.”
“Of course, no problem. Thanks for the info Amanda.”
Without knowing why, I immediately moved to my computer and open the lid. My laptop burst into life, and I quickly typed in the password and waited for it to load. I rapped my fingers against the desk with impatience as the old machine creaked and groaned its way into function.
I finally opened Google, and typed in the name. Daniel Mallard. His Wikipedia entry came up first, and I clicked on it. This was exciting, I had never actually met anybody in my life who had their own Wikipedia page. When I was in high school my friends and I would look people up on Facebook, but that was it.
I slowly read the words on the page, devouring the clinical biography on the page like it was the most sensational novel I’d ever read. Daniel grew up in Canada, starting to play hockey when he was four years old. He made his way into the junior leagues and was drafted in the first round, making his debut in the NHL that year.
Four years later he was made captain of his team, making him the youngest captain in the history of the Seattle Sea Lions. He was a goal scorer, having scored 37 in his last season. Then, I got to the section about his injury.
That was where I stopped reading. A part of my brain complained. It’s written on the internet. It’s public information. You aren’t really snooping or anything, you’re reading Wikipedia. Just scroll down the page and see what happened. Another part of me, however, stopped me. Even though it was public info, even though that sort of thing was on the internet for everyone to see, I wasn’t really part of the public anymore. I was in a rehab center, a place where people are trying to get better. Well, except me. I don’t want to get better, ever. But I can understand that others do, and I know all too well the desire for privacy.
It wasn’t my place to read about Daniel’s injury like this. Maybe after he left the clinic, I would read about it for myself, and see what had happened to him. But for now, that was his story, and I didn’t want to intrude on his privacy. I closed the window and thought about him. Whatever happened, it must have been incredibly difficult for him, seeing as he ended up addicted to the pills. I felt a pang of pity in my heart for him, an emotion I had never really felt so strongly with anyone else in here, even Fiona.
Why do you care so much about this? You don’t even know the guy Kylie. I argued with myself for a while, trying to figure why I was so into this guy. Was it just his rugged good looks, and the fact that I hadn’t been with the guy in so long? Was my body trying to make up for it? I went back to my bed and collapsed onto it. This dreaming about Daniel was taking away from my usual habit of guilt and self-loathing, and it scared me.
*
I didn’t see Daniel again for the next couple of days. After all, I normally hid in my room most of the time, except for when we did sports, or had group or single therapy, or did arts and crafts.
Doctor Emma ended up congratulating me on talking when I saw her for our weekly one-on-one therapy session the next day.
“I’m glad you decided to tell us your story, Kylie. I hope it was the first of many, I hope that you have finally decided to embrace your ability to heal.”
I gave her a few non-committal answers. I knew I wasn’t going to do that again. I wasn’t going to be speaking every week.
But three days after Daniel arrived I decided to go to dinner at a reasonable hour, rather than eating either before or after anyone else, as was my usual habit. I sat at my table in the back, alone. Normally when I was here with others Fiona came and sat with me, but she was absent tonight. I wondered to myself if she’d gotten a day pass, a chance to go out with her husband in the real world. She had been looking good enough that I wouldn’t have been surprised if Doctor Emma gave her that chance.
I picked at my food, not really into the lasagna they were serving, when I felt someone in front of me. I looked and saw Daniel, holding a tray so full of food I was surprised the cheap plastic tray holding his plate didn’t crack in half. Instantly my breath caught in my throat. My senses were completely out of control as adrenaline rushed through my body. Fire coursed through me and my heart began to pound so loudly in my chest I was sure Daniel could hear it as he smiled and asked me if anyone was sitting at the table with me.