“What? Why not? If that’s something you’re willing to talk about,” I hastened to add, not wanting to intrude.
“Yeah. I have a feeling you might understand. It’s not that my body isn’t in good enough form. I know guys can come back from complete ACL tears in six months, and I know from the doctors that mine isn’t that bad, if I have the surgery soon I’m looking at maybe four months. It’s August now, I could be back playing a month into the regular season next year. But it’s just... the fire is gone. Do you know what I mean?”
Daniel looked me in the eye, and I took his hands in mine. I felt a connection with Daniel, unlike anything I had ever felt with anyone before.
“I know exactly what you mean,” I replied. “You think it’s hopeless. The desire to continue, to go on is gone. You think you’ll never get back what you lost, you think that no matter what you’re going to fail. You wonder what the point is, and eventually you realize there is no point.”
“Yes. That’s how I feel, precisely. You know Kylie, you’re the only person I’ve met since my injury who really truly understands that.”
I nodded. “I know it all too well. I was going to become a doctor. Now, I’m not. The fire is gone in me too. I ask myself, what’s the point? After everything that’s happened, after what I’ve gone through, I don’t believe I should be a doctor. What’s the point? People die every day. I know exactly how you feel.”
We sat there in silence for a minute. I looked at Daniel, and he looked at me. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my body aching for him. I wanted him so much, he was so perfect. Just as I didn’t think I could take any more, he leaned in and kissed me.
It was like fireworks went off inside of me. It was like I had been in a deep sleep for all these years, leading up to this very moment, which suddenly awakened in me a passion, a deep seated desire that I had never known.
I closed my eyes as Daniel’s lips explored my own. My lips parted slightly to allow him better access. His kiss was confident and strong, but his lips still soft, sending fire coursing through my veins. His hands found my hips, pulling me to him gently as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I wanted this so badly. Ever since I had first laid eyes on Daniel I had wanted this.
“You’re amazing, Kylie,” Daniel murmured quietly before kissing me once more, his hands making their way up my body. I could only moan in reply, my body so overtaken by passion and desire that words wouldn’t form in my head.
I wanted Daniel so bad, I could feel my nipples pressing hard against my sports bra, wanting to press against him. I threw my chest against his body, shivers running through me. Subconsciously I spread my legs open against him, wanting Daniel in so much more than my mouth, and he replied by pulling me to him even harder, slipping his tongue inside of my mouth.
I didn’t realize how much I had needed this. It was like a cold drink for a thirsty man in the desert. Daniel’s hands moved to the hem of my shirt, and with a single quick motion he ripped it up over my head and off me, letting it fall to the floor.
“I have to have you. I have to have you right now” Daniel murmured, the desire in his voice evident.
“Oh yes! Oh God yes!” I exclaimed as his mouth moved down to my neck, his hands finding my sports bra. I could feel the tingling all over my body. My blood felt like lava, boiling inside of me, like I was going to combust if Daniel didn’t take me right away.
Suddenly, there was a noise like a door slamming nearby and we pulled away from each other, both of us realizing what we were doing.
We stared at each other for an instant before I quickly reached for my discarded shirt and threw it back on.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” I muttered. I knew the rules. If Daniel and I were caught here, we would both immediately be kicked out of the center.
“We can’t do this, can we?” Daniel asked. I could hear the pain in his voice, the frustration in his tone.
I shook my head. “No. Not without getting kicked out. And I don’t think either of us can afford that. I’m sorry, Daniel” I told him, before getting up and practically sprinting to the women’s change room, hoping he wouldn’t see my tears.
I turned on the shower, leaving it as cold as I could stand and sat down on the floor, my tears mingling with the water. What the hell was going on with me? I had been so happy with Daniel. He made me feel complete, he made me feel whole, he made me feel something for the first time in a long, long time. I wanted him more than anything, and yet I knew I couldn’t have him. Not without getting kicked out of here, and I knew I wasn’t ready for the real world yet. I also knew Daniel wasn’t either. He had just started here, he needed to heal. I couldn’t take that away from him.