Nowhere but Here

“What happened between you and my mother?”


He leaned back in his chair and smiled at the memory. “She was a teller at my bank. She was so uniquely beautiful. I would find reasons to go in and see her. She agreed to have lunch with me one day and we started dating from there.” He paused and his lips flattened. Looking down at the table in a daze, he said, “I was in love with her.” The age difference didn’t shock me because my mother always seemed young at heart. What surprised me more was that I’d never heard of this man who had been so madly in love with her.

“So what happened?”

“She was resistant to starting a serious relationship with someone so much younger. She said she couldn’t have kids, but apparently she could because she did. With Samuel, I assume?”

“I have no idea who Samuel is.”

He squinted and shook his head. “Well, that’s why she ended our relationship. She met Samuel. He was her age. She said he was a better match for her. They were engaged within weeks of meeting, and she told me she couldn’t see me anymore. The last day I saw her, she showed me her ring.” Jamie sat down at that point and took my hand in his. Paul looked a little choked up. “She cried and apologized over and over again. I left her there, crying on a lakefront trail. That was the last time I saw her, but I never stopped thinking about her. I don’t think I ever will.”

“Wow,” I said as tears ran down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. This must be very hard for you to hear.”

“I want to know. I need to know as much as I can. I don’t know who my father is. She never told me.” My voice was shaky. Jamie remained silent.

“Samuel Morrison. I would start there.”

“What about you? Do you have a family?”

The mood seemed to lighten. Paul chuckled. “Yes, I met my wife shortly after I dated your mother. We have five children, two grandchildren, and another one on the way. I have a very big family that I love, but like I said, I never stopped thinking about Ann, and I was curious. That’s why I called.”

I couldn’t believe my mother was a heartbreaker. Why would she ever dump this guy?

We all stood up at the same time. “Thank you for meeting me, Paul. I feel like I have a place to start searching.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry you had to lose your mother so young.”

I hugged him and then he shook Jamie’s hand before we all walked out into the brisk air.

We walked three blocks before it started raining. I grabbed Jamie’s hand and pulled him up the stairs to the nearest L station.

“Are you sure, Kate? I can get us a cab.”

“No. I’m doing this. I’m changing this memory.” Somehow the meeting with Paul had reinvigorated me.

The train stopped in front of us as we stood shaking on the platform. We were soaking wet and freezing. I pulled him in through the doors by his jacket, pushed him up against a pole, and pressed my mouth to his, kissing him urgently. He cupped my face and kissed me back with so much intensity I thought we’d combust. When we pulled apart, he held my face and said, “This is why I love you. You’re amazing.”

“This is how I want to remember the L. If we move away and I never come back here again, this is how I will remember it, kissing you sopping wet.” I laughed. He kissed me again and then we held each other until it was time to get off.

Back at my apartment, it took Jamie exactly three minutes to Google Samuel Morrison. He lived in the city, less than two miles from me. The thought that my possible father lived two miles from me and didn’t even care tortured me and made me not want to seek him out, but Jamie insisted I call. I knew he was right. It would eat away at me if I didn’t at least try to find my real father.

After a few rings, he picked up, and my heart started beating wildly. I had no idea what to expect.

“Hello?”

“May I speak with Samuel Morrison?”

“Speaking.” I paused, swallowing a huge lump in my throat. “Hello?” he said again.

“My name is Kate Corbin. I’m Ann Corbin’s daughter.” Jamie nodded at me, encouraging me to go on. “My mother passed away when I was eight. I never knew who my father was, but now I have reason to believe it’s you.”

His voice became very low and serious. “I’m sorry for your loss. I did know your mother. I was engaged to her, in fact, but I can assure you that I’m not your father.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I was never with your mother intimately. She was pregnant when I met her. I didn’t know until we were about to be married. She wanted to keep you, but I couldn’t live with the thought of raising another man’s child, so we broke it off.” I held the phone to my ear, speechless. “Kate?”