Nowhere but Here

He laughed. I knew he was going to be okay. “I can feed myself. Thank you, Katy.” Before he reached for the bar, he swallowed and then stared sharply into my eyes. “I mean it. Thank you.”


I shook my head. “I know, I know. You don’t need to thank me. Here, eat this, please.” He bit off half of the bar and then set it on the dashboard. I looked at my phone. It was two a.m. He pulled his jeans down to where I had given him the shot and looked at the injection site. He rubbed the area and winced a little.

“You’re going to have a bruise. I jabbed you really hard.”

“You did,” he said with a hint of amusement in his voice. “You got me good, lady.” He buckled his belt and pulled out his meter to check his blood sugar. “Do you always carry food in your purse?”

I blushed. “I read on the glucagon kit the other day that sometimes you have to give diabetics food right away.”

He looked up beatifically. “God, you are the sweetest thing.”

I smiled, but a tear fell from my eye at the same time. “How’s your level?”

“I’m good.”

“I think I should drive, Jamie.”

“Sweetheart, even if I were half conscious, our odds of getting home safely are much higher with me behind the wheel.” He smiled playfully. “No offense.”

“You’re probably right.”

“Did you pull over here because you felt groggy?”

“Yeah. I should have metered earlier. Sometimes it gets confusing, especially if I’m distracted, and then I ran out of glucose tablets. It was stupid, I’m really sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, you did the right thing by pulling over. Next time wake me up.”

“I promise.”

It was a promise for a next time. That was all I could think about in that moment. Not a next time Jamie got that low—just a next time, period.

Jamie drove us back to the winery with his window all the way down and the heater cranked up so he could keep himself alert without freezing me out. I kept my eyes on the road along with him. He pulled up the long driveway and then continued onto a dirt road until we were parked in front of the barn.

He looked over apprehensively. “Do you want to stay with me tonight?”

“It’s already tomorrow.”

“Do you want to stay with me tomorrow?”

“Mm-hmm.”

He held my hand until we were inside the barn, and then he flipped on the lights and watched me take it all in. It was no barn on the inside. Whoever the brilliant designer was, he left the natural beams exposed but finished the walls with white slate wood. The floors were aged teak and there were large rustic chandeliers hanging from the highest points of the ceiling. It was at least forty feet high in the center. Above one set of beams in the gable space were shelves filled with books and a little ladder leading up to it. I walked around, fascinated. The décor was warm, rich, and masculine. It was an immaculate snapshot of a Restoration Hardware catalogue. The kitchen followed in the same vivid design, with a farmhouse sink and Shaker cabinets. Jamie leaned against the wall with his hands in his pockets, watching me.

“It’s amazing. Who did this?”

“I did.”

I laughed to myself. Of course he did. “R.J. let you have this space?”

He nodded.

The entire floor plan was open. There were only partial walls dividing the spaces, much like a loft, except for the bathroom, which had a modestly designed door compared to the rest of the barn. In one corner there was a drafting desk with all kinds of drawings of machines on it. There were some framed drawings on the walls above the desk that I recognized almost immediately as copies of da Vinci. I saw the sketches for the water-lifting machines and the Vitruvian man in the circle representing the ideal proportions of a body. Jamie was a thinker, there was no doubt. I realized at that moment that, even though he could be social when he needed to be, he was a little bit of a loner, too . . . like me.

I walked toward the opposite end of the barn, and in the process, tripped over my own damn feet. I stumbled but quickly regained my balance. I looked back and caught Jamie smiling. “Oh, wipe that smile off your face. I’m clumsy, okay?”

“You’re adorable,” he said.

In the center of the opposite wall was the bed. I walked toward it and felt Jamie following me. The lights behind me went off one by one until there was just one tiny desk lamp on, filling the space with a faint warmth like a glowing ember in the darkest night. We shuffled around for a few minutes and then stood on opposite sides of the bed. He untucked his shirt, I took off my coat, and we both kicked off our shoes.

“It’s beautiful in here.”