“Uh-huh,” I said, my throat closing up.
“Listen to me. Don’t be scared. All of the skeletons and the blood and the guts and the emotions—that’s the stuff that makes you human and alive. When I said you’ve lost your spark, I meant that you were shutting everyone out. That spark is the beauty in you, Kate. But sometimes when it gets too hot, when people get too close, and that spark gets too bright, you stifle it because you’re scared.”
In the cloudy bathroom mirror, my own reflection startled me. One beaming light showed down on my face, casting dark shadows under my eyes, hiding the tears pooling in them until, drip, drip like a faucet, the heartrending process began. I was crying. It wasn’t an ugly cry; it was a bleak, emotionless cry where you feel your body surrender. Jerry was right, and I knew it. I was so scared of letting anyone in. I didn’t make a sound, so he continued. “I’ve been so happy in my marriage and lucky to have found my person in life, but it’s only because I realized a long time ago that if you keep all that stuff inside, the stuff that makes you most uniquely you, then you will never find your person. You’ll just wither from within and forget who you are, and if you can’t see you, then he can’t see you. Don’t be scared. I’ve seen you, Kate, who you really are, and you’re worth it. You’re worth all of it.”
“My gosh, Jerry, thank you, but where is all of this coming from? Why are you telling me this now?” I sobbed.
“Because you’re my friend, dammit. But now I’m pissed at myself for making you cry.”
“I’m not crying,” I lied.
“Are you with him now?”
“Yes, but I’m in the bathroom.”
“Trust me on this.” His voice got low. “Go back out there and just be yourself.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do if I fall in love with him.”
“If you fall, let him catch you.” And then he hung up.
When I got back to the table, Jamie stood and pulled my chair out for me. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I propped my elbows on the table and rested my chin on my hands. “It’s time for questions.” I laughed and a little lagging tear fell from my eye.
“Were you crying?” He looked pained.
“No, I’m laughing, silly and you’re not getting out of this.”
He smiled sullenly. “Okay, ask away.”
“Do you date many women?”
“No.”
“That’s it? You’re not going to elaborate?”
“I’ve dated a few. I had one long-term relationship for three years after college.”
“What was her name?”
“Julia.”
“What happened?”
“She left me.”
“Why?”
“She wanted other things in life.”
“Like what?”
“Material things.”
“Were you in love with her?”
“Not when I realized what she wanted from me.”
“Were you hurt?”
“Yes.” He remained serious.
“So you don’t sleep around?”
He chuckled. “I’m a man. I’ve dated, but I’m not interested in sleeping around. I want to be with someone who intrigues me, who I can have fun with, who I can laugh with, but who will challenge me. I’ve been looking for the same thing most of us are looking for.”
“What’s that?”
“Someone to come home to.”
My eyes filled with tears. He leaned in slowly and cautiously and then he kissed me softly before whispering, “Can we have fun now?”
“Yes!” I said passionately. “What do you have in mind, sailor?”
“Well, first I’m going to feed you tiramisu. Then we’re going to walk across the street and I’m going to kick your ass at shuffleboard and darts. And then, if you’re lucky, I’ll take you back to the winery and show you my barn.” My eyes went wide. He laughed. “No expectations.”
“That is by far the strangest offer I’ve ever had, but I’d love to see your barn. There is one thing you must know, though.”
“Uh-oh. What?”
“I’m known as the shuffleboard champion east of the Mississippi.”
“You’re all talk. You said that about karaoke.” He slipped a bite of tiramisu into my mouth.
“What are the stakes?”
He kissed cream away from the side of my mouth before answering. “If I win, I get to kiss you for as long as I want.”
I nodded enthusiastically. “And if I win . . . then you get to kiss me for as long as you want.”
“Deal.”
We went to a little dive bar where I won two games of shuffleboard but lost three games of darts, so Jamie still claimed that he was the champion. He talked me into doing three Fireball whiskey shots, and every time I did one he kissed me for an entire minute afterward.
“I like the taste in your mouth,” he said.
“You just like getting me drunk.”
“It’s not about that, I just want you to enjoy yourself.”
“I am, but you’re going to doom me all night.” He laughed so loudly when I said it that I quickly realized what the words sounded like.
“Katy, I would love to, but don’t you think that’s a lot of pressure to put on me?”