“D A M N, I can’t stop.”
“He’s an asshole.”
Bebe looks at me and I see she wants to cry. “Lula isn’t like her A S S H O L E dad.”
“No, she’s a sweet little girl. Beautiful too.”
Pacing around, Bebe glances at me. “Howie is a hairy F U C K I N G guy, but I’m not a shallow B I T C H. I was more interested in how he treated me. You know, in the beginning when he was grooming me. I’d never had anyone make me feel special like that and I overlooked his D A M N hairy back and A S S and everything. I also overlooked how he was a J E R K to other people.”
Bebe stops pacing and sighs deeply. “Howie’s good with numbers. His mom said he was always smart at school stuff and she was disappointed he didn’t go to college. Lula’s smart like that. I don’t want her to be anything like him, but she’s already beginning to read. I took forever to learn to F U C K I N G read and was a C R A P student. I want her to be smart, but I don’t want her to be like him. He’s a F U C K I N G monster.”
“Maybe,” I say, stepping closer, “some things are blood and biology and stuff. But others are about choices and how we grow up. My family is full of losers and they all give into their every impulse. I want to do that too. It’s in my nature to be out of control, but I fight it. My grandparents drilled into my head that I shouldn’t be like my mom.”
Hugging a shaking Bebe, I continue, “Lula might have some stuff in her that she can’t change. Being smart at school stuff can come from her dad, but being a monster is something she’d need to learn. It’s not something she is. You’re a good mom and you’ll teach her to do right. That’s what I think anyway.”
Bebe takes an unsteady breath, defeating the urge to cry. She looks at me with a sad expression.
“You don’t think Lula is hairy, do you? Tell me the truth.”
“She has a lot of hair on her head. I wish I had such thick hair. You also have thick hair, so she probably gets that from you.”
Bebe smiles slightly. “She has really great hair. She doesn’t like me messing with it and I’ve thought about getting it cut into a bob.”
I smile. “That’s why little girls are fun. You can dress them up until they’re old enough to fight back.”
Bebe smiles wider. “I’m sorry I freaked out in there. That A S S H O L E set me off. He does have a point about the spelling.”
“Pax never has a point. I doubt he even thinks about what he’s saying. It’s all gut reaction, no filter with him. He’s like a kid, I guess. You can’t take it personally. I know I don’t.”
Shaking out her hair, Bebe glances around. “Would I be a bad mom if I went back inside and enjoyed dinner? Would it be like I’m not sticking up for my baby?”
“No. One day, Lula will meet a jerk and you’ll want her to stand up for herself and not back down. Looking him in the eye after he talked shit is the tougher option, in my opinion. Of course, I really want you to come back inside, so my opinion might be biased.”
“It is a free meal too. Hmm…” Smiling, Bebe walks with me inside. “I miss cussing.”
“Maybe you can tell Lula cussing is something grownups do and when she’s older, she can cuss too. Like driving or voting or whatever. It’s an age thing, so she can’t do it yet. That’s what I tell my brothers. I promise them when they’re in high school, they can let it rip.”
Bebe leans her head against my shoulder. “You’re smart, but in a way I can understand. Nerdy smart people annoy me because I feel stupid when they talk.”
“Ditto. I’m like the dumb girl from Big Bang Theory. I never know what any of them are talking about.”
“Good thing we have our looks, though I’d rather be smart.”
“Me too,” I say, smiling.
Ford catches sight of our return and his dark blue eyes study me from my feet to my eyes. Being hot has its advantages too.
“He promised to behave,” Ford says.
Pax shrugs. “I forget girls are weak and I need to edit myself. I apologize for your fragile nature.”
Bebe sits down and frowns. “I can’t tell if your mom hugged you too much or not enough?”
“Second one, baby.”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Isn’t that your name?”
“Bebe, not baby.”
“I like baby better.”
“Thank you for sharing that info.”
Pax grins. “I’m glad Shay talked you into being less bitchy. It’s really a better look on you.”
Ford kicks Pax under the table again. I feel his foot go flying and see his brother grimace. They glare at one another, but I focus on the menu.
“Ooh, can I get the scallops?”
“You can get whatever you want,” Ford mutters.
“I know, but I want you to feel like I respect your authority.”
Ford grins. “I’ll be sure to reward your respect for my authority later.”