Focusing on Lucky, I smile. “Ford’s being sweet so far.”
“It won’t last,” he says. “If he gives you trouble, let me know.”
I think to ask what Lucky can do to a guy like Ford, but I keep my mouth shut. The men change places and I take the plate from Ford.
“Feel free to get messy with the barbecue. I’m not impressed by dainty chicks.”
“I’m not dainty, but I don’t want to get crap stuck in my teeth or sauce over my lips,” I say, using a fork to pull off meat from the ribs.
Using his fingers to tear up his food, Ford stops eating and looks at me with a little grin. “Don’t worry, darling. Any mess you make, I’ll lick off.”
When I stare into his eyes, he holds my gaze. I don’t know how long we remain like that, but I look away first.
Ford gives an amused grunt. “After dinner, a lot of us are heading to Suede. You coming?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Why?”
“I should rest.”
“That’s the stupidest fucking lie a chick has ever used on me,” he says, sighing. “Can’t you say you’re on the rag or need to get up early for a pap smear or something?”
I laugh. “Would that really be better?”
“Fuck yeah, Shay. Put some damn effort into blowing me off.”
We share a smile, but I know he’s irritated. I’d be irritated too if someone jerked me around. Of course, Ford is looking out for himself. Why shouldn’t I protect myself? Well, hell, I should, dammit! Screw Ford for thinking otherwise.
12
Shay
Fuck Me
Despite what I tell Ford, I end up going to Suede with Darby after dinner. She’s in a great mood. Though I worry she’s too drunk to drive, she only enjoyed the one margarita hours earlier. I trust her not to kill us both and she drives like a pro to the bar.
Ford left earlier with Pax and a few guys. He asked again if I wanted to come along. When I said I couldn’t, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a sideways hug. As sexy and scary as he seems sometimes, Ford can also feel familiar and comforting. I watch him leave and wish I had more experience. I’d been scared to run wild as a teenager and end up like my mom or every other fuckwad in my family. I slept with a few guys and I made mistakes, but I never let loose. Maybe if I embraced my wild side years ago, I’d have the confidence to handle someone like Ford now.
On the drive to Suede, Darby hums along with the radio. I smile at her happy mood.
“The first time I saw Joker, he was dancing all by himself in the middle of the bar. My friends all thought he was a joke. A wannabe badass and nothing more. I knew better though. Any man can play the tough guy when he’s standing with his arms crossed and a mean look on his face. Yeah, that shit can be done by any kid off the street. Joker could dance his ass off then bust an asshole’s face open. He didn’t care what people thought and that takes balls. He wanted to dance, so he did. That kind of freedom turned me on.”
“Did he change? Is that why you’re not together anymore?”
Darby’s smile softens. “We’re the same people, but I look at him and see my dead boy. He sees the same when he looks at me. We needed to start over after we lost MJ and there was no way to start over while we were together. Now he’s happy with a new family and I’m happy on my own.”
She senses my next thought. “You think he got the better deal.” When I nod, she smiles. “Let me tell you something about his wife Amanda. She’s good people. I like her a lot and consider her a friend. I’d kick ass to defend her. Their kids call me Aunt Darby. With all that said, Amanda’s not me. Joker found another woman to love, but he’ll never replace me. Since I’m smarter and stronger than him, I decided not to waste my time trying to find another man. I don’t need a man to be happy. Most people need someone, but I never did.”
Darby pulls into the Suede parking lot. “Joker was my one chance. That’s why I got the better deal. He’s recreating a life he once loved while I’m starting fresh. Don’t tell anyone I said that though. It’ll make me look like a bitch.”
“I won’t,” I say, smiling.
“A few years back when Joker had his first kid with Amanda, I considered having a kid on my own. I liked being a mom, but I don’t believe in forcing things. Finding Joker and having MJ just happened. I figured if I had another kid, fate would have to step in. It never did, so I live a carefree life.”
“Women in my family go stupid for bad men. Hell, the men in my family go stupid for bad women. It’s a sickness and I’m afraid to go stupid too.”