Jace smiles slightly. His fingers make soft little circles along my spine, calming me until my tears are dry.
"I know Bailey, Tucker, and Cooper loved Pop too. I mean obviously they did, but he was different for me. When they were growing up, he was focused on the club. He made time for them too, sure, but you know how he was for me. I was a kid when he retired, and Cooper took over. Every day, he was there. When he traveled, he took Mom and me with him. I never feared anything because I had him. When he told me there was no bogeyman, I believed him. If he told me the sky was green, I'd have believed that too. He was solid and made life sane. Now it's just a crazy stupid place. That's why the McLaughlins work for me. They don't seem so strange when the rest of the world makes me nervous now."
Jace kisses the top of my head. "Kirk isn't here to take care of you, but he raised you to be strong enough to take care of yourself."
"I know, but I feel tired in a way no amount of sleep can fix."
"Then be tired. Be angry too. Freak out if you want, but know you'll wake up one day without all the bad stuff. You'll only have the happy memories."
"Is that what you did after your family died?" I ask, approaching a sensitive subject for him.
Jace's hand pulls away from my back, hovers a moment, and returns. I see the familiar indecision in his eyes. Finally, he nods.
"I stopped thinking about it so much until I barely thought of them dying at all."
"I didn't mean to make you feel shitty."
"You didn't. I just don't talk about them. Not since therapy and I barely talked about them then."
Setting my hand on his knee, I study his thicker lower lip and remember how it tastes. "You never shared much with me. Maybe I should have seen that as a sign that you weren't a hundred percent with me."
Jace's expression closes off, and his hand leaves me again. He can never handle being on the spot. His response is to freeze and pull away. I feel him doing that now.
"I'm trying to be honest since we're friends now," I say, not backing down, yet wanting him close again.
Jace is unreadable. Whatever he's thinking, I crave to know. Without saying anything, he nods, and his fingers return to my back.
"Talking doesn't really help. I know therapy helps many people. It doesn't heal a person. Not really. It just teaches you how to deal with your shit and hide the fuckup parts. I think I hide better than Harlow and Winnie do. Maybe because I was younger when I came to live with the Todds and started therapy. Hiding my shit makes me safe, but there are downsides."
"Like what?"
"Like getting scared and losing what I want."
Our gazes lock, and I know he's about to kiss me. I nearly smile when his lips touch mine. He sucks gently and pulls away. I want more, but don't demand it.
"Will you stay here with me?" I ask. "I don't want to go back and watch the movie. I also don't want to be alone. Unlike the McLaughins, I don't believe zombies will bust in here, but I'm still creeped out."
When Jace studies my face, I fight the urge to climb into his lap and forget the pain of the last year. This man is so damn beautiful, and he once made me unbearably happy. How the hell is he not mine?
"Of course, I'll stay," he finally says.
His words are loaded with meaning. Staring into his eyes, I repeat the words "I'll stay" in my head. The day he dumped me, I asked him why he wouldn't stay. He never really answered, just saying he couldn't.
That horrible damn day, I screamed and threatened. I cried and begged. I tossed away every shred of my dignity to keep him with me. I'd believe our love was a done deal since the day he first kissed me. Hell, I might have even known on some level as a little girl when we first met.
Despite all my antics, Jace left me and never looked back. Tonight though, he stays at my side. We move to the couch in the big family room and turn on the TV to search their DVR.
"I'm surprised they have anything recorded besides horror movies," he says.
"After you..." Pausing, I shift closer to him. "When I was feeling down, I started watching old TV shows. Frasier relaxes me. I like how pompous they are. I also like their dad. He reminds me of Pop."
Jace walks to the DVD collection against the wall. "No Frasier, but I see Cheers."
"Close enough."
Once the DVD begins, Jace returns to the couch and sits closer than before. I watch the show for ten minutes before working up the courage to lean my head against his chest. The sound of his racing heart makes me smile. I catch him smiling too. Moments later, he slides his muscular arm around me until we're cuddling as if no time has passed.
Stealing kisses all night, Jace doesn't leave me, and I want to keep it that way.
Chapter 20
Jace