I glanced at the counter, then back towards him.
“You think so? These people seem a lot friendlier than the ones that work at the Vegas Diner.” I said, thinking about the diner that we frequented back in Brooklyn.
“I don’t mean Brooklyn.” He said turning back to face me. “I mean in Pennsylvania.”
“Oh.” I said quietly. This had been the first time Mikey had mentioned Pennsylvania the first time he had referred to it as home. “Do you miss it there?”
He shrugged his shoulders thinking about my question. “I don’t think so it’s not like I had much of a life there.” He paused. “But I had my mother. I guess I associate home with her so missing her makes me miss there if that makes any sense.”
I nodded. “It makes perfect sense.” I looked down at my plate. “Do you think when this is all over you’ll go back there?”
“Back to PA?” He asked. I lifted my head to meet his gaze and nodded. “For what?” He shook his head and I let out a sigh that I hadn’t realized I had been holding. “No, I don’t think so.”
“You lived there for ten years Mikey I’m sure you had some sort of life. You had a job, you had friends, and women I am sure you must have had some sort of life.” I said finding myself wondering about the life Mikey had left behind in Pennsylvania.
“The first few years we lived there I was mainly focused on sports even had an opportunity to go to college and play until I injured my knee.” He laughed slightly. ‘Like everything else those dreams were squashed.”
“I’m sorry.” I said softly. I probably should’ve dropped it, but my curiosity to know everything about him got the best of me. “So what did you do then?”
“I dropped out of college and started taking on some odd jobs. A friend of mine worked with his father in construction and when they needed an extra hand on a job, they’d call me. They started calling more and more eventually giving me a steady job so for the last few years I have been doing that.”
“So you’re good with your hands.” I said smiling.
“I don’t know am I?” He smiled playfully at me.
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah.” He paused. “I’m good with my hands. I’ll build you your dream house one day Princess.”
He wasn’t smiling when he said it and his eyes shined with sincerity making me almost believe that one day he would. Almost.
“Was there anyone special there that you miss?” I asked him suppressing the urge to cringe at my own words.
“You mean a woman?”
I nodded in response.
“There were lots of women, Nikki.” He admitted honestly and I didn’t know I felt about that, but before I could give it, any more thought he started to speak again. “There were lots of superficial women who held no substance and not because they didn’t try but because I didn’t. I didn’t go looking for a woman that I could hold on to I went looking for the type of woman that would have nothing to offer me the type that wouldn’t want me for anything more than my dick. I steered clear of any woman that would want something substantial from me because I never wanted to feel anything.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“After that shit happened with my knee I started to think that I wouldn’t amount to anything. I began to think I was destined to be a street guy like my old man only there were no streets to run in Pennsylvania, which in turn made me think I was just muddling through to get by. I’d never be anything and sure as hell would never be good enough for anyone else. So I stayed away from anyone who would allow me to believe in the false pretense that I was good enough to be in their life or make me believe that I could do something with my own life.”
“Why would you feel like that?” I asked my heart aching from his words.
“Because it’s the truth.” He smiled slightly cocking his head to the side as he took a deep breath the conversation becoming too intense. “Everything I touch becomes tarnished in one way or another. I should’ve told your father that before he hired me for the club. Temptations never stood a chance with me as a manager. I’m damaged goods Nikki I’ve seen too much loss to believe that happy endings exist.”
“You really feel that way?” I asked, knowing the answer to my question already. I could see it written all over his face.
“Yes. I am not the kind of guy for a girl like you. I’m full of imperfections and I had no business touching something as perfect as you but I’m a selfish bastard because I’m not sorry I did. See?” He points his thumbs towards himself. “Not a good guy. You deserve a hell of a lot better than me, but I’m not ready to give you up.”
“I’m not perfect.” I said, hating that those words were all I could bring myself to say. I wanted to tell him he thought too poorly of himself, but I didn’t want to stir the pot fearing that he would cut me off.