I move my hands in search for a call button or something that can get a nurse in here, but instead of finding a button my hand grazes something silky smooth. I will myself to look down
and see what I’m touching and I almost cry out when I see my fingertips are touching her hair. Nikki is sitting at my bedside with her head laying on the bed next to my leg.
Relief floods me as I continue to caress her hair. It dawns on me that I have survived the loss of my mother and father, but I would’ve never been able to bounce back if I had lost Nikki. She is everything to me she makes this life worth living. She makes me want to be the best I can and not just, because that’s what she deserves but because we both deserve it.
I wiggle my fingers against her scalp it’s a poor attempt to wake her up, but it’s the best I can do. I need to look at her and make sure she’s okay and more than that I need to tell her that I love her and I’m so fucking sorry I left her giving that dickhead the opportunity to take what is mine. I try to speak, but there’s a tube down my throat making it impossible.
Nikki starts to stir as my fingers continue to work her scalp until she turns her head so that her beautiful face is looking at me. She blinks her eyes rapidly as if she’s waking from a dream and lifts her head from the bed eyes wide as she takes me in.
“Mikey? Oh my God.” She gasps covering her mouth. I can see her eyes start to water and if I’m not mistaken, she’s hiding that beautiful smile of hers that owns my soul behind her hands. She stares at me for a moment before dropping her hands from her face and reaches out to touch my cheek.
“You’re really awake, aren’t you? I’m not just dreaming?” She whispers softly.
I shake my head, mesmerized by everything I see in her eyes if I hadn’t been awake when she told me she loved me, I would’ve known right now that this girl loves me with every fiber of her being. I open my mouth wanting to speak to tell her I love her too, just in case my eyes don’t tell the story my heart is writing but the fucking tube is in the way.
“Don’t try and speak.” She said taking in all the tubes and wires that I have attached to me. “I’ll get the nurse.” She leaned down to kiss my cheek where her hand was before walking backwards towards the door. It was almost as if she was afraid to take her eyes off of me like I’d drop dead if she turned her back little did she know I was never fucking leaving her again. I wondered if people would look at us funny if I attached her to my hip somehow. She tore her eyes from me only to step outside the glass doors and shout to the nurses.
“He’s awake can we get someone in here, please?” She said, turning back to look at me.
I’m not going anywhere Princess.
She stepped aside as a doctor and a nurse hurried into my room. They hovered over me shoving a light in my eyes as they poked and prodded.
“I’m Dr. Peters do you know where you are?” He asked me.
I nodded.
“Do you know why you are here?”
I nodded. Take the fucking thing out of my throat Doc.
“We are going to take the tube out of your throat you may feel some discomfort, but it’s important for you not to make any sudden movements.”
I nod again and watch as the nurse tells Nikki she needs to step out of the room for a moment. I hear her argue that she doesn’t want to leave my side but the nurse assures her it will only be for a few minutes. Once they’ve convinced her to leave they work at removing the tube that’s been helping me breathe and it feels as if someone is shoving a knife down my throat. It takes all my willpower not to move as they finally dislodge the trach my throat feeling as if it’s on fire as I struggle with short breaths. It’s not that I can’t breathe but more that the tube has made my throat feel raw and with each breath there is pain.
The doctor watches my oxygen levels as he weans me off and then turns back to watch me closely as I breathe.
“I don’t want you to struggle it will only hurt you more so if it’s too much for you to breathe on your own.”