I sit here in the hallway of the emergency room covered in Mikey’s blood and know that I’ll always remember the way his blood stained my hands. I know that I’ll always remember the look in my father’s eyes as he tried to control the bleeding. I’ll remember the sorrowful look the paramedic gave me when he asked who Mikey’s next of kin was. He wasn’t going to let me ride in the ambulance with Mikey the cops wanted to question me. I explained I was the only person Mike had in this world and he let me ride to the hospital with him. He told the cops that they were treating me too explaining that they could follow us to the hospital and question me there. He will never know how grateful I was to him in that moment.
I fear that every time I close my eyes, I will relive the moment we arrived at the hospital and how the paramedics started shouting for help from the doctors. They rambled off a bunch of medical terms and the doctors in the emergency room started hollering orders, but the one sentence that will always play back in my head is “He’s lost too much blood.” I don’t remember who exactly made the declaration but I know that when I heard those words I felt my heart shatter and hope diminish. After that, the nurse wearing the Hello Kitty scrubs pushed me aside and told me they needed to take him into surgery to remove the bullet. I must’ve opened my mouth to protest because she shut me down with a hard stare telling me Mikey would die if I didn’t let them do their jobs. That’s all she needed to say for me to retreat back into the hallway watching as a team of surgeons and nurses ran wheeling Mikey out of my sight.
I leaned back against the wall and lifted my head to see my father walking towards me looking disheveled, his dress shirt untucked matching my hands that were covered in Mikey’s blood. His hair that was never out of place was a mess and his face looked worn and tired. There were a pair of police officers walking behind him, but they stopped by the door allowing us privacy. I watched his every step as he made his way beside me falling into the seat next to mine. I didn’t speak and neither did he we just sat there for a few moments before he reached down and took my hand in his, squeezing it tightly.
“What if he doesn’t make it?” I asked barely audible.
“He will.” He said hoarsely. I turned my head to look at him realizing my father needed Mikey to live almost more than I did. I probably would’ve felt sorry for him looking as distraught as he did, but all I felt was anger towards him.
“Why is that because a Valente already died for a Pastore? If history repeats and it sometimes does, then Mikey will die taking a bullet for me just like his dad died for you.” I couldn’t hide the resentment in my voice not that I cared if I sounded bitter it was time my father knew how poisonous his lifestyle truly was.
“Mikey’s not going to die.” He said, raising his voice an octave higher.
“You don’t know that!” I said as I stood up on my wobbly feet and stared down at him. “You can’t guarantee me that he’s not going to die. You just hope that he doesn’t to save your own conscience.” Tears started to well in my eyes as anger boiled in my veins. “I used to think you were my hero, the one person in my life I could always count on to make sense of things. I knew that you lived a shady life and your business endeavors were mostly illegal, but I always chose to brush that aside and see the good in you. There was even a point in my life where having a gangster for a daddy was enticing, but that was because you loved your family.”
“Don’t talk about my love for you in the past tense!” He said cutting me off.
“If you loved us as much as we thought you did none of us would be in the situations we are currently in. Some thug wouldn’t have kidnapped me and Mikey wouldn’t be fighting for his fucking life. Don’t you dare tell me you love us because if you did, you would’ve let your love for us drive your decisions and not your love for money and power. For years, I’ve watched my sister be so sad and never understood why, but your pal Deke enlightened me. What kind of monster sends the young man his daughter loves to prison? You sent Anthony to prison to avenge Val’s death, ruining his life and forcing him to break Adrianna’s heart. Don’t you get it? Every bad thing that’s happened to us has been at your hand!”
“Nikki, that’s enough.” Aunt Gina said, walking towards us with Nana beside her.
“Gina mind your business.” My father lifted his head, looking me in the eye. “Get it all out you’re entitled.”
I looked at him torn between wanting to scream and yell at him for all the horrible choices he made in his life and the need to wrap my arms around him just because he was my daddy the one man I measured every other man against even Mikey. I turned around putting my back towards him deciding it was better if I didn’t look at him anymore. There was nothing left to say. I took the bottle of Gatorade Aunt Gina offered me and waited for word on Mikey in silence. Aunt Gina took a seat next to my father and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“She’s been through a lot Vic she doesn’t mean it.” She said in an attempt to console her brother.
“Everything she said is true.” I heard my father say. I wiped away the tears that fell from my eyes he was still my dad no matter how angry I was. I still loved him and hated that my words inflicted pain on him regardless if he deserved it or not or how true the words were.