If I Only Knew

Danielle stays quiet as we go through the check-in process and then find a bench before going to security.

I don’t need to say a word because anyone can see how much pain we’re both in. She lays her head on my shoulder and sniffs. “I swore I wasn’t going to cry,” she confesses.

Each one of her tears breaks me a little deeper. I shift so she sits up and I can see her blue eyes. “If you asked me to stay, I wouldn’t be strong enough to walk away. If it weren’t for my Mum, I was planning to quit my job and figure it out. For you, I would’ve given it all up.”

Her lip trembles. “I can’t ask you to do that. Not because I don’t love you enough to want it, but because you have to go where you’re needed.”

And that’s the worst part of all of this. If it was up to us, we would be in bed and not here. I’ve never seemed to get what I wanted in life. This is no different. I’m going to lay it all out there, though. I’m going to make sure that Danielle knows how I feel about her and us.

“As soon as she’s better, I’m coming for you,” I vow, “I know you think time will pass and my feelings for you will diminish, but hear this . . . they won’t. I will love you no matter how many miles are between us.”

“Don’t say this,” she pleads. “Just tell me you’ll forget about me. Tell me this was the worst idea you ever had.” Tears fall down her cheeks and I take her face in my hands. “Tell me you never loved me, please.”

I shake my head. “I won’t lie to you.”

She lets out a soft sob and I pull her to my chest. I feel her cry harder and I hate everyone and everything right now, my Mum, Callum, my entire fucking life. I find happiness only to have to walk away from it.

I rub her back and she starts to calm herself. Danielle lifts her head, wipes her face and takes a few deep breaths. “Damn it. I swear, I was going to be strong and let you walk away.”

My alarm starts, letting me know I have to go and the pain I have is amplified. “It’s time.”

She wipes her hands on her pants and then balls her fists. “Okay.”

We begin to walk toward the security area and her arms go around my middle. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“This isn’t the end.”

Her lips form a small smile. “You’re going to be an amazing VP. I’m really proud of you.”

We stand at the entrance of the line, and I take both her hands. “I left something for Parker and Ava at the house, will you be sure they get it?”

She nods. “Of course.”

“And I left you something too.”

“Yeah?”

“My heart. It’s yours.”

Her tears form again, and I watch her struggle to stop them from spilling over. “You have mine too.”

“I love you Danielle Bergen.”

“I love you Milo Huxley.”

I bring our lips together, pulling her tight to my chest. When we break apart, our foreheads touch and we stay like that for a heartbeat. “I have to go.”

Her hand touches my chest, right over my heart, and I wonder if she can feel the pain through our skin. “Will you let me know you’re okay?”

It’s funny she thinks I’m going to get on that plane and never speak to her again. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wasn’t letting her go. The soonest I can get back here to her, I will. Losing Danielle isn’t an option. Somehow, someday, I’ll be with her.

There’s no doubting that.

“This isn’t the end,” I tell her again. “I’ll be with you soon.”

She kisses me and then steps back. “I’ll be hoping that’s true.”

“Believe me.”

Danielle takes another step back but our hands are still connected. “You have to go.”

I nod. There are no words adequate because I refuse to say goodbye. That word is too final, painful, and a lie. I won’t let this be the ending on our story.

I don’t know how to rewrite it, but I must.

Our fingers start to slip as we move apart.

“Soon,” I say.

“Soon,” Danielle repeats.

We take another step back and then our fingers disconnect.

Now I know what heartbreak feels like.





Chapter Thirty-Two





Danielle





“Mom?” Ava’s voice is tender as she touches my back.

It’s been two hours since I got home. He’s on a plane heading to London right now. Each mile that the plane travels is a reminder that we’re never going to be together again.

I know he thinks different, and I love that he’s so adamant, but I won’t keep hope alive only to be left broken. This is hard enough. False hope will only prolong my devastation.

“I’m okay,” I tell Ava.

“No, you’re not.”

No, I’m not. I’m in pain. I miss him and don’t know when I fell this deeply in love with him, but I did.

“I will be.”

“Can I get you something?” she asks.

I must really be a hot mess if my daughter is being this nice.

“Is Parker okay?”

“Yes, he’s watching T.V. and I’m letting him have a superhero movie marathon.” She smiles.

I sit up and pull a deep breath through my nose. I need to show her how to handle heartbreak with grace, and this isn’t it. My hand touches her leg. “Thank you, sweetheart. Sometimes you just need a good cry so you can pick yourself up and move on.”

“You don’t have to be strong in front of me.”

I laugh softly. “That’s exactly what I have to be. As much as it hurts, and it will hurt more, I’ll survive. I can’t fall apart, because life is filled with disappointment. Milo and I had this . . . special time that no one can take away from us. He made me happy.” I smile thinking about him. “He gave me back the hope to love again.”

“Why did you let him go?” she asks.

It’s so complicated in some ways and in other ways it’s not. “When you truly love another person, their happiness is what you care most about. Doing what’s right for them even if it causes you pain is the sacrifice you’ll make. I loved Milo enough to know that him going to London, even though it meant I would lose him, is what he had to do.”

Ava scoots closer to me, resting her head against mine. “That’s so sad, Mom.”

“Yeah, but it’s beautiful too.”

“How did Milo sacrifice for you?”

My chest aches as a fresh wave of sadness crashes against me. “He offered to stay. He was willing to sacrifice his family, job, and life to be here. All I had to do was ask him.”

Ava wraps her arms around my middle and holds me tight. I hear her sniffle and I embrace her. “Don’t cry, Ava.”

“Who the hell wants to fall in love if this is what happens?”

I’d like to know that as well. Then I think about the times we shared. The kisses, the dates, the nights where I felt as though I was floating. I remember how he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t looking, or the way he looked at my children. All of that would’ve been lost, and that would’ve been the saddest thing.

“Look at the whole thing,” I tell her. “I would rather have had a few days of loving Milo than never knowing that warmth.”

“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I chuckle and sit up. “Yeah, it is. Come on, let’s go watch superheroes and snuggle your brother.”

Ava snorts. “I already told him no Thor.”

I kiss her cheek. “Good call.”

Who knew that Milo would also have brought my daughter back to me? No, loving him was never a mistake. It was a gift. One that I’ll cherish always.





“I’m still not speaking to Callum,” Nicole tells me. “Not even when he’s trying to get me to touch him.”

“Why? It’s not his fault.” I ignore the last part of her tirade.

It’s been five days since Milo left. He’s called me each day as he promised, and refuses to allow me to believe it’s over. Two days ago, he was officially named Vice President of Dovetail Enterprises.