I can’t ask him to stay.
I know this in the depths of my soul. It would be selfish of me, and that’s not how love works. We give up things—our own happiness—to provide another person happiness. Milo is willing to walk away from an opportunity of a lifetime for me, now I’m going to fall on the sword instead. Because I love him.
“Milo,” I wait for his eyes to meet mine. “You have to take it. This is what you were fighting for. The place in the company that you deserved. Besides, you need to be there for your mom. She needs you and . . . you can’t stay for me. Not like this.”
“I am!” He yells. “I’ll go back, get Mum back on her feet and then we’ll be fine.”
“Get her on her feet? She has cancer, and she needs you.”
“I need you, what about that?” Milo asks.
My chest aches so bad I could crumple to the ground. I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt anymore either. Why couldn’t we be happy this once?
“It’s just not our time.” I force the words out and each one is like a knife slicing me open.
It was our time. It just got ripped away.
“I’m not giving up,” he says with defiance. “We’ll fly back and forth. We’ll video chat every day.”
He’s being crazy and I have to stop this. “You and I both know that’s not true.”
Tears begin to form and I try with all my might to stop them before they spill over. I’ve loved two men in my life, and now I’ll have lost them both. Only this one I have to let go of willingly.
“I love you! I love you and I don’t want to lose you.” Milo crouches, taking my hands in his. “I can’t do it.”
A part of my heart breaks inside of me. Because, I can’t ask him to stay. As much as I want those to be the words that come out of my mouth, I won’t let them. “You have to do this. We both know that.”
“Fuck. I knew you were going to do this.” He gets back to his feet. “Once I told you, no matter what, you were going to push me to go back.”
“Of course I am, because it’s the right thing, Milo. You’re not meant to be my stupid assistant. You are meant to run that office. London is your home and your mom is sick. I don’t like the reality of it, but it’s what it is.” The tears I tried to fight fall.
It hurts so much.
“Don’t cry,” he begs. “Please.”
“I’m not.” I try to hide my face and get a damn grip, but it’s not working.
“Danielle,” his voice is soft. “Look at me, sweetheart.”
My head lifts slowly and I see the pain mirrored in his eyes. “I didn’t want to love you,” I tell him, “I didn’t want to ever love another man because losing him would be too hard. But now I’m here, in love with you and I have to watch you walk away.”
“We’ll make this work,” he vows.
I shake my head, because the reality is, it won’t. Sure, we could try and maybe get a few months where we find ways, but I have kids. I can’t hop on a plane and head off to visit him whenever I want. He’s going to be running an empire and there’s no way he’ll be coming back here. Then, the phone calls will stop. We’ll be too busy and time will get away from us both.
I was stupid and let myself get caught up in this whirlwind because everything felt so right.
“We have to be honest.” My lip trembles as pain so deep slices through my heart. “You need to go. Your mother needs you and so does your brother. There aren’t options here, Milo.”
His head falls to my lap, and my fingers glide through his brown hair. I hate this more than anything. I’m doing everything I can not to break apart. This wasn’t what he wanted, and making this harder on him, won’t help.
When his emerald eyes meet mine, there are unshed tears. “This isn’t how I wanted things to go.”
“I know.”
“I had a plan for us.”
“Sometimes the plan we have isn’t the one we’re meant to follow,” I tell him softly.
He cups my face, pulling his lips to mine. “Why did I have to find you only to lose you?”
I don’t know why, but I’m dying inside.
Maybe Milo came into my life to get me to see that I could go on and love again. He gave me something I wasn’t aware I was missing. More than that, he’s made me happier than I can remember being in years.
I dared to hope only to be defeated again. But at least I know that hope is possible.
A tear streaks down my face. “I love you, Milo. I love you and as much as it’s hurting me to let you go, I know it’s the right thing.”
“Why can’t we try? Why can’t we see if we can make this work?” he asks.
I push out a heavy breath. “Because it won’t! It won’t and we’ll end up miserable and in more pain than just letting each other go now.”
He shakes his head and gets back to pacing the room. “Fuck! My brother knew he was going to ruin us by doing this.”
I wipe my eyes, trying to stop the immense anguish in my chest. I sit there, imagining how it will be never to touch him again. The fact that I won’t be able to kiss him, see his smile, or feel his warmth. Milo is like the sun, you can’t help but want to be near him.
The last few weeks have been cold. I’ll feel that from now on.
Once again, my world will go dim.
Chapter Thirty-One
Milo
How do I say goodbye to her?
I’ve asked myself this question a hundred times in the last twelve hours. Yet here I am, in the back of the car as the driver takes us to the airport.
Danielle has been quiet since our talk last night. Neither of us slept, almost as though wasting the time, not being entwined, would be stupid.
We’ve stayed connected in some way all night. Either my hand on hers or hers on mine.
“Are you going to be all right?” I ask her again.
She tries to smile but there are tears pooling in her eyes. “I’ve been through this before, I’ll survive.”
I don’t know that I will.
If this was simply about a job, I would tell Callum to shove it up his arse. My mother is the variable no one could’ve predicted. Someone needs to care for her and it only makes sense that it’s me. The job just happened because of the circumstances.
I’ve tried every possible way around this and can’t come up with anything. She refuses to leave London, and therefore I have to go to her.
I take our entwined hands and bring them to my lips. “I hope you know that I love you.”
Her head rests on my arm. “I love you too. Wouldn’t it be great if that was enough? If all of this wasn’t happening and instead of going to the airport to say goodbye, it was to go on a trip?”
“Yes, it would.”
“If only love could move continents together,” Danielle says wistfully.
If only . . .
We pull into the airport parking and the tension thickens. Fucking hell, I’m not even out of the car and I want to go back.
I have to do what I can to make this easier on her, though. There’s no other option. Danielle has to sit alone on the way back, and I have no idea how she’ll be. Will she be sad and crying? Will she stay strong and break down later? Or will she hold it together the entire time?
The driver parks and I want any time I can have. “Come in with me?”
She looks at the driver and then back to me. “I don’t know.”
“Please,” I beseech her. “I want to delay this as much as possible.”
Danielle tucks her hair behind her ear and tries to hide the fact that she wiped a tear. Fuck. This is wrong. Everything about this feels wrong and I know I’m making a mistake.
Then I think about telling my Mum that I’m not coming back.
I imagine her being alone in London, no one to make sure she’s okay. If it was myself or Cal who were sick, she would never abandon us. I’ve gone over this in my head, and I know there is the selfish choice and then the right one.
I extend my hand to Danielle, asking her to take it and give me even five more minutes.
“Okay,” she says while placing her hand in mine.
I instruct the driver to wait as long as it takes and bill Callum for the extra time. We exit the car in silence and as soon as I’m close enough, I take her hand again.