“I’m so sorry, Salinger,” I told him sincerely.
“No problem,” he replied, waving it off, making me feel really guilty.
I felt my eyes start to burn, but I held back. “I really am.”
He tossed down the box he was working on and stood tall, literally looking down on me. “What happened?” he asked.
“I, uh, I was over at Trace’s,” I began to explain, “and I got, uh, I got high and I think it was laced with something. I don’t remember.”
His brows narrowed. “Hmm,” he said.
Two tears slipped through. “I’m pretty embarrassed.”
“Listen, no problem or whatever,” he blew me off.
One of the boys I went to high school with, Alex, spoke up. “Someone showed us some pictures, Lily.”
“What?” I asked, shocked.
“Yeah,” he continued, “there are pictures of you circulating around.”
“What’s in them?” I asked, my heart racing. I wrapped my arms around my waist.
“Well, like, not cool stuff, Lily. You were so high you didn’t realize they’d set you up like a prop, dressed and, like, undressed you.”
“Oh my God.” I blew out a breath, bent over slightly, then righted myself. “Do you have them?” I asked him, my arms still wrapped around my waist.
Salinger watched me intently, his brows still knitted together.
Alex walked over to me and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled through at least twenty pictures of me, some in really violating positions.
“Oh my God, stop, I’m going to vomit.”
“Do you even remember what happened last night?” he asked me.
I had no idea. My hands climbed to my shoulders and I hugged myself, wondering what wasn’t recorded.
What in the hell is going on?
“You should probably press charges,” Salinger suggested, looking on me with pity.
All of them, but especially Salinger, looked at me like I was the biggest mess they’d ever encountered. Salinger gazed at me like he didn’t want anything to do with me. I was mortified.
“Are you okay?” Salinger asked, trying to be nice, but it humiliated me worse.
“I-I’m fine,” I whispered and turned.
I could feel his stare on my back as I fled. Danny watched me come toward him, his expression leant to one of disbelief.
“You okay?” he asked as I ran past him.
I bolted through the parking lot toward Ansen and Katie but, true to their word, they were too busy with one another to notice me.
Gutted, I turned toward the street and made my way toward my house. I was desperate to see my mom, desperate to fall in her arms and have her fix me.
“Just fix me,” I begged no one. Fix me. Someone fix me.
***
It didn’t look like anyone was at home when I finally climbed the steps to the house, but there was a note taped to the front door. It was my mom expressing her disappointment for leaving my car but not leaving the keys so she could take it to work that night. She went on to say that Sterling was dropping her off and the girls were next door.
I crumpled the paper in my hands and threw it to the side, punching my keys in the lock and opening it. When Sterling took my mom to work, he would go to the gaming room down the street. That was what she was really pissed about. She knew she’d be working her fingers to the bone only for him to spend it at the digital slots before she’d even really earned it.
“What a loser,” I thought out loud.
I took my phone out to text Trace.
I saw the pics. Your ass is grass. You didn’t think I’d find out? What’s wrong with you???
I sat back on the sofa, crying with everything I had, so disappointed that I’d lost any chance with Salinger. If I’d only just called him. My whole world would be different right now, I thought. My mind went back to Salinger’s face at the market. Lost interest. That was the expression he gave. If I’ve lost interest had an expression, that was it. And that. Completely. Wrecked me.
I laid down across the sofa and breathed deep. You know that feeling when you’ve lost one hundred percent to something? Like, you’re literally out of chances to get something you want so, so badly? That was Salinger for me, and it felt really awful because it wasn’t even like it had been out of my control. I knew I’d had a chance. I knew it would have worked out if I’d only just been good on my word. I should have just called him that night. I wouldn’t have been vulnerable to Trace and I still could have avoided Sterling.
For all that beautiful talk about integrity from him, I forgot he deserved the same. I forgot to fight.
“Nothing I can do about it now, can I?” I told myself and headed for my tray under my bed.
I brought it out to the living room and sat down. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and turned on a video game. I rolled a blunt, cracked the lighter, and tried to forget.
I exhaled smoke from my lungs and laid my roach on the glass tray on the crowded coffee table, picked up the remote and clicked buttons. My head rolled onto the back of the couch and stayed there, my feet propped on the table. My phone rang, but I ignored it, then it stopped only to ring again. It annoyed me enough to look down to see it was my mom.
“Of course,” I complained.
I tossed my remote on the cushion next to me, grabbed my vibrating phone off the table, and hit answer, noting it was after midnight.
“Mom?” I asked.
“Lily, Sterling and I are broken down by Granger’s Steakhouse. Can you come get us?”
Granger’s was in the next town over. It’d be over an hour before I got back home.
“Mom, I’m busy. What happened?”
She sighed. “Lily, don’t do this. Turn off the game or leave whatever party you’re at, get in your car, and come pick us up!”
I felt my blood race hot through my veins. “Can’t you figure this out? You can’t know how disappointed I feel right now. My day has sucked so bad and—”
“Lily!” she huffed then paused. “You haven’t been disappointed yet, Lily. You’re too young to know that pain yet. Just wait, though. It’ll come.”
Her words hit me hard for some reason, but I shook them off easily.
“You need a new car already. Just spring for one,” I told her.
I could practically hear her shaking her head, and I rolled my eyes.
“We can’t afford it, and I’m tired of having this argument with you. Come pick us up. It’s gone dark and there aren’t any lamps on this stretch of highway. Hurry up,” she ordered and hung up on me.
I hit end on my phone and threw it back on the table, picking up my remote again. “Annoying,” I told no one before pressing pause.
I rolled a blunt and took two more hits. Next thing I knew, I’d passed out on the couch.
***
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I startled awake to someone hitting our front door with a fist. Panicked, I thought of Sterling and my mom, so I hauled into my room and slid my tray beneath my bed. I shook my head to wake up and to prepare myself for the incredible fight I was about to get into.
Why wouldn’t they just use their keys? I thought, still a bit groggy.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Smithfield Police!” someone yelled through the door, making my heart race.
I threw the door open, fully awake at that point. “Can I help you?” I asked, confused.
“I’m sorry to disturb you so late,” an older cop soothed, “but may we come in?”
“Of course,” I said, opening the door wider.
They stepped inside and I shut the door after them.
“Can we sit down?” he asked.
My blood coursed so quick and so hot, I felt sick to my stomach.
“Uh, sure,” I said, offering the crap wool sofas we owned.
They waited until I sat then did the same for themselves.
“Please, what’s going on?” I begged, shoving my hands between my legs.
“First, I just need some information,” he asked.
“Yes, sir,” I answered.
Oh my God, this is about the pictures. Someone must have turned Trace in.
“So sorry, but this is a formality. Would you mind stating your full name?”
“Uh, yeah,” I barely spoke, “I’m Lily Hahn.”