It was impossible not to think about it. Arianna could not stop the constant spin of thought in her mind. She could not ignore the signs of caring Brian had shown when she had been injured. The question that had to be answered was whether or not that caring went deep enough. She wanted it to, with all her heart she wanted it to, but she could not be certain.
She had considered Jolene’s suggestion that she simply get with child by Brian but her conscience troubled her over that plan. It was true that what they were doing together made children and he was taking no care to keep from seeding her. However, it was quite another matter to actually consider trying to bind him to her with a child or, worse, hold a child from him if he could not give her what she needed. Her mother would be ashamed of her for even thinking of such a thing.
Arianna rubbed her temples in an effort to push back a slowly forming headache. Her mind had latched onto the possibility that she was not barren and would not let go. In the end it did not matter if she was or was not. All that mattered was trying to decide if she wanted to fight to hold fast to the man she wanted, if she dared. In the end, he could crush her spirit with the simplest rejection far more than Claud had ever done with five long years of constant belittlement.
“Ye are certain they havenae gathered near Scarglas yet?” Brian asked as he paced before Sigimor’s large ledger table.
Sigimor put his feet up on the table and watched his cousin pace his ledger room like a caged beast. “Ye doubt the word of my mon? My mon who also happens to be my cousin?”
Brian cursed and then flung himself into the heavy oak chair to face his cousin over the wide table. “Your men are mostly your brothers or your cousins,” he grumbled. “And, nay, I dinnae doubt his word and weel ye ken it. I just need to be verra sure ere I take Arianna away from the safety of these walls.” He frowned. “Mayhap I should make her stay here until this is done.”
“Ye will fail at that. The lass needs to see those lads. Dinnae forget that I had a lot of trouble with my Jo because she was protecting her nephew. Those wee lads of Arianna’s might be safely tucked behind the walls of Scarglas but someone still means them harm. That lass will nay stop trying to get to them. Ye try to leave her behind and she will find a way to follow ye.”
“Nay if I chain her to the bed.” He exchanged a grin with Sigimor but quickly grew serious again. “She is under as great a threat. I took on the responsibility for her and those lads. It wouldnae be right to leave the guarding of her to ye anyway.”
“Ye can if ye want and ye ken that she will be weel guarded.”
“Och, aye, I ken it, but ’tis best if she goes with me. If I leave her here I risk her doing something foolish. She would ken it wasnae wise to leave here on her own as she isnae a dim-witted lass, but her need to be with those two boys would have her doing it anyway.”
“Still hoping that one good look at Scarglas will be enough to send the bastards back to France?”
“Aye, but, if Lucette’s arrogance and disdain for us is aught to go by, they may still try. Sad to say, despite the peace Ewan has brought us, there are a lot of men about who wouldnae mind raising a sword against us. And to be offered coin to do so? They would grasp that chance with both hands.”
“Men who only fight for the coin offered are quick to retreat,” said Sigimor. “Any those Frenchmen find near to Scarglas will also ken the reputation of the MacFingals as being excellent fighters. A reputation ye earned.”
Brian nodded in acknowledgment of that compliment. “I dinnae anticipate a long battle.”
“But ye do anticipate a fight, aye?”
“I cannae rid myself of the conviction that they will try at least once.”
“Mayhap a few of my lads will ride over and lend a hand.”
“Ye mean they will follow us.”
Sigimor shrugged. “Nay too close. If naught else, a few of my lads riding toward Scarglas will draw the eye more than two people riding in that direction.”
“That could put them in danger, Sigimor,” Brian said in protest, even though the thought of a diversion like that intrigued him and he could easily see its value.
“’Tis nay only the MacFingals who can be as elusive as smoke.”
“’Tis in the blood,” Brian agreed, and then he stood up. “Best I seek my bed now. I intend to ride as long and as hard as I can without causing Arianna any further injury.” He grimaced. “And what Lucette did to her when he held her is still too fresh in my mind for me to be able to sleep until we reach the safety of Scarglas.”
“Rest weel this night then.”
Brian paused in the doorway and looked at Sigimor. “No word from the Murrays yet, aye?”
“Nay. I wouldnae be surprised if ye find a few at Scarglas when ye get there, though.”