“Why are you frowning at me?” asked Jolene. “Have I offended you in some way?”
“Och, nay! I was just wondering why I seem to be unable to sense anyone sneaking up on me. Weel, mayhap sneaking is too harsh a word to use. ’Tis just that Brian often comes up to me and I ne’er hear him approach. I didnae have any idea that Lucette was slipping up behind me until it was too late. Now ye are just, weel, just here and I ne’er heard a sound. I am beginning to think I damaged my ears in that cursed water when we had to leap off the ship to save ourselves.”
Jolene laughed as she sat down on the bed. “I doubt that happened. I suspect you simply have so much on your mind, so much to worry about, that your own thoughts often hold you captive.”
Arianna nodded and smiled, all the while fighting hard not to stare at Jolene’s very rounded belly with all the envy she felt. She was happy for Jolene, whom she had liked almost immediately, but her arms ached to hold a child of her own. Although she clearly recalled all Jolene had said in response to her fear of being barren, she wanted to discuss the matter some more but hesitated. Then she decided that Jolene would understand her need to hear such assurances again.
“Jolene, are ye quite certain of the truth of all ye said about how I may nay be barren or were ye just trying to ease my fears?” she asked, and then winced, realizing that she was almost accusing the woman of lying.
“It ne’er hurts to allay a woman’s fears about such a thing, but I was indeed very certain of all I said. I still am, even after thinking over the matter for a while,” replied Jolene. “People always look at the woman first when no child is born. If it takes two to make a babe then ’tis only reasonable to look at both people when no child is born. If a fever or a wound can leave a man as limp as an unwatered flower, then it seems to me such things could also affect the potency of his seed.”
Arianna sat down next to her and nodded. “Verra true. And, as I thought on all ye said, it did seem verra odd to me that Claud ne’er gave me or Marie Anne a child after he and I were married and I quickened that first time. For a mon to be bedding two women for about four years yet never produce a child is something worthy of a few questions.”
“There is a very good chance your body did not hold fast to the babe because there was already a fault in Claud’s seed.”
“Weel, if something happened to him it did so before we were wed and I cannae ask his family about it now.”
“You wish to stay with Brian?”
“Och, aye, but e’en if he wants me, I willnae condemn him to a childless marriage.”
“Then it comes back to ye needing to get with child first.”
“I think I would like to ken for certain that he wants to keep me ere I try to tie him to me with a bairn.” The glimmer of hope Jolene’s assurances stirred within her was almost painful and Arianna had to struggle to keep it from possessing her heart and mind.
“I still say that he does but I understand that you need more than my opinion on that. I think you also need to consider the possibility that he does not think himself worthy of you.”
“Brian has great confidence in himself, can be almost arrogant at times. Why would he think such a thing?”
“His notorious father, his equally notorious family, and the fact that he is a younger son with little coin and no land. No prospect of inheriting anything, either. Men find it difficult to believe that a woman values love over such things. I think they see it all as their responsibility to provide such largesse, not realizing that many of us can be happy with naught but a roof o’er our heads, food enough to stave off starvation, someone strong enough to protect us and whatever children we may be blessed with, and mayhap a new gown now and then so that we are not always wearing rags. And”—she grinned and rubbed her belly—“fat, pretty babes.”
Arianna smiled but then frowned in thought. “’Tis odd to think that Brian, who truly can be arrogant, would worry that he was not worthy of me. ’Tis a shame that I cannae just ask him if that is what is rattling about in his wee monly brain.” She grinned again when Jolene laughed. “I will have to think upon this, to see if there is some way to ken his true feelings without him actually saying anything. I am too much the coward to open my heart to the mon without some hint that he cares, that we share more than desire.”
Jolene stood up and started for the door. “You could start by thinking on how he acted when you were hurt.” She stepped out the door and glanced back at Arianna. “He ne’er left your side.”