“Anthony…,” Grace whispered, laying her hand on my shoulder, startling me out of my thoughts. I lifted my bloodshot eyes to hers and see she has been crying, but more than that, she looks pained by the words she has to deliver. I glanced over her shoulder at Victor who is standing alongside a doctor, nodding slightly before bowing his head.
I don’t know what I’m about to hear but by the expressions on the faces that surround me I imagine it’s not good. I hunch over and it takes me a minute to realize I’m crying. I don’t remember the last time I shed a single tear. Grace wraps an arm around my shoulders and tries to get me to pay attention to her but I don’t want to hear what she has to say. I try to stall not wanting to listen to the words I dread. I shrug her arm off me and rise to my feet, stumbling a bit, lightheaded, almost as if I’m having an out of body experience.
Grace calls for Victor, probably hoping he could reign me in, the bastard doesn’t have a shot in hell, but he remains where he stands. Her efforts wasted. I watched him shake the doctor’s hand and then look over at me. His face is blank, there is no emotion, no sorrow, nothing.
I finally turn to Grace.
“Adrianna?” I croak.
“She will be okay.” Grace whispered, reaching for my hand.
I swallow as she gives it a squeeze.
“The baby?” I asked hoarsely. It didn’t even dawn on me, she has most likely just found out about Adrianna’s pregnancy.
“I’m sorry Anthony but they couldn’t get a heartbeat.” She murmurs through her tears.
I stare at her for a moment, trying to process her words.
“They will give her a DNC, it’s a procedure to …,” her words trail off and she shakes her head. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.
I pulled my hand away from hers and glanced between her and Victor. I let out a whimper realizing I lost a child, a child I never knew, a child that never had a chance. Grace tries to reach for me but I walk away and lean against the wall.
I’ll never be able to explain the way I felt in that moment. I can try but nothing I say will come close to the hell I was living. I balled my hands into fists, anger spreading throughout my body like an uncontained fire. I snapped my head backwards, crashing the back of my skull into the wall, trying to divert the pain in my chest to somewhere else in my body. It felt as if my chest was cracking open and someone put my heart in a vice. I slammed my head against the wall again and again… but the pain wasn’t dulling the ache in my heart.
*****
I was standing at the foot of Adrianna’s bed when she stirred. Victor had tried to ban me from being with her when she woke up but I told him I’d do everything he wanted, no questions asked, no arguments - however, I would not allow another to tell Adrianna the news, I would be the one to tell her we had lost our baby. Grace agreed with me and Vic backed off. I wonder if she knows of Vic’s plan for me to go to jail and to commit murder. Which makes me wonder if she knows what kind of animal her husband truly is or what kind of animal I am about to become.
Adrianna’s eyes flutter open and she looks all around frantically. I quickly step to the side of her bed so she can see me, taking her hand in mine. It’s funny I never noticed how big my hand was compared to hers.
“It’s okay Reese’s, I’m here,” I whisper.
“Anthony,” she murmurs and I bend my head to kiss her knuckles. “What happened to you?” She asks with concern on her face. “Your eye,” she questions.
“It’s nothing,” I whisper, not even sure what she’s talking about. I sit on the edge of her bed and lean over, tucking away the fallen stands of her hair from her face. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, even now with a piece of gauze taped to her temple. “Do you remember what happened?” I ask, forcing my words pass the lump in my throat.
She’s silent for a moment and I think she doesn’t remember. This will be even harder than I imagined.
“We were in a car accident,” she says.
“Yeah,” I nod.
“But we’re okay right?” She asks, with traces of fright laced into her voice. “I mean I feel okay. My head hurts and my body aches but …,” she moves her legs slightly, “I can wiggle my toes and all.”
I glance down at our joined hands and even though I’ve rehearsed it repeatedly in my head for the last couple of hours, I have no idea how to tell her, our baby is gone.
“Anthony? You’re scaring me. Is it the other driver? Did he die?”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt, not wanting to frighten her. “No. I know nothing about the other driver.”
“Then what is it?”
I lift my eyes to meet hers and I get lost in her beauty for a moment. How did we get here? How did we go from just two people crazy in love with one another to two people destined for heartache?
“A…,” I say gutturally, before clearing my throat and attempting my words again. “It’s the baby.”
“What about the baby?” She says, sitting up forcing me to act quickly and I place my hands gently on her shoulders to keep her from making any sudden movements. I lean over her and press a kiss to the top of her forehead in an attempt to calm her down before pulling back and holding her gaze.