“No, what you’re saying is you want me to stay the fuck away from her,” I pulled my legs off his desk, straightened my posture as I leaned into him. “I’m not you, Vic. I wouldn’t let the poison that’s become my life affect her, not anymore. I have no intentions of disrupting Adrianna’s life and as much as I hate that we agree on something, I agree with you I’m the last thing she or Luca need in their lives.”
He nodded, taking another sip of his drink. He didn’t have to speak for me to know that he took my word, my vow, as a binding agreement. I had made it perfectly clear to this man my love for his daughter is what drove me. I wasn’t about to hurt her more than I already had, if that was the case he’d be in the morgue.
“I thought we’d brake you into the rotation slowly, give you a chance to get used to your freedom again. Maryann Valente is having a rough go at it with Michael. I want you to start making routine visits, but I don’t want them to know you’re checking up on them. Just be scarce but I want a full report on each of them every week. I want to know if he’s in trouble, if she’s financially hurting, whatever you can find out I want to know. I couldn’t make the people pay for Val’s death but I can help the people he left behind.”
“Seems to me that’s what you should’ve done all along,” I said, rising to my feet. “I’ll need addresses.” I started for the door, pulled it open, and turned around to glare back at Vic. “And I’ll need my gun.”
He looked at Jimmy, who nodded and I had no doubt by the end of the day I’d have my piece back in my hands. I walked out of the office, closing the door behind me as I made my way through the café.
The devil in me was back.
Chapter Eight: 2010
I keep picturing her face after the impact of the crash, the stillness of her features, the blood gushing from her temple. I can still hear my own cries ringing in my ears, begging her to wake up. I remember unbuckling her seat belt, debating on whether I should pull her out of the car; in the end I held her hand and waited for help. I didn’t know the extent of her injuries and didn’t want to risk moving her. If my actions resulted in further issues or complications for her, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
I held her hand in the ambulance as they worked on her, giving her oxygen, and struggling to get her to regain consciousness. It wasn’t until we arrived at the hospital and they wheeled her away from me that I remembered to mention the baby. I felt like the biggest piece of shit but in my defense, all I could focus on was making sure Adrianna survived.
I don’t know who called Victor and Grace, maybe someone at the scene, or a nurse, but once they showed up, I became invisible. I sat alone, begging someone to tell me something, anything. I was just the boyfriend driving the car that put her in the hospital to begin with, so I got nothing.
Nurses came over and tried to bring me into triage, they said I was bleeding, but I didn’t seem to notice. I couldn’t care less. I wasn’t going anywhere without finding out how Adrianna and our kid were doing. Jesus, I thought, realizing that none of this could be good for the baby.
I hadn’t thought much about becoming a father, didn’t think I was cut out to be a dad. I didn’t have a father, didn’t even have a father figure to pretend was my dad. What kind of dad would I make? Let’s not mention the fact I was a fucking criminal, surrounded by criminals and illegal dealings. Then there was the fact I had cut a deal with the devil and was about to be incarcerated. I couldn’t be anybody’s father but here I was praying to God that my kid would make it.
Somewhere between Adrianna telling me we would be having a baby and sitting here in this hospital, I became a man worrying about the wellbeing of his family. A man who didn’t know whether he was coming or going but was never more sure about anything in his life then wanting to meet his child. It was crazy how this unborn child became the second most important person in my life, the first being his mother.
I got lost in my thoughts, trying to picture what our baby would look like, desperate to conjure an image of Adrianna holding him or her. I could picture us having a daughter, God’s way of paying me back for every sin I ever committed. Damn, I bet she’d be the most beautiful little girl I ever laid eyes on. I wouldn’t mind a son either; it would give me the opportunity to teach him all the things my father never taught me. Whatever we have, I just pray it’s healthy, that’s all that matters.