“Congratulations,” the nurse said before walking back towards the nurse’s station leaving me staring down the hallway. I asked myself a thousand times what the fuck I was doing, but couldn’t come up with an answer. It was one thing for me to be there for A and the kid last night, but visiting them now was another. I was torn between wanting desperately to see the two of them and being aware of the painful truth, I was no kind of good for either of them. If the kid’s father was a druggie, and in rehab, Adrianna had a long rough road ahead of her being a single mom. The last thing she needed was to get tangled in our fucking shit again. If there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that we loved one another passionately, wildly, and that fucking love … well … it was combustible. We loved each other so fiercely that we fucking destroyed each other.
Besides, what kind of role model would I be for her kid? I had nothing but heartache and broken promises to offer them. Not much changed in the three years I had been away; I was still the miserable, self-loathing, poisonous bastard I was the day they threw my ass in jail. However, maybe I was a little less selfish because I wasn’t willing to take Adrianna and ruin her again, no matter how much I wanted her. No matter how much I craved her. No matter how much I fucking loved her. Christ, I loved her.
Fuck it.
I turned around, determined not to inflict anymore fucking torture on myself, deciding to leave before anyone saw me. Yeah, that didn’t go according to plan. Nikki came bounding down the hallway, her arms full of blue balloons and baby blue gift bags. Which I was sure contained a shitload of expensive gifts for the newest addition to the Pastore clan. A moment later Victor and Grace stepped off the elevator. I wasn’t shocked to see Grace sporting the proud grandma smile.
However, I didn’t expect Victor to be any sort of happy about being a grandpa. It wasn’t all that long ago the bastard hated the thought of being a grandfather, or it could be he hated I was the one who had a hand in making him one. My emotions began to get the best of me and it felt as if my throat was closing in. I needed to get away from here, away from these people, away from all the reminders of the life I ruined.
“Anthony! Oh my God! Did you see the baby? Of course you saw the baby, Adrianna told us you basically delivered Luca,” Nikki said, excitedly.
“Yes Anthony, thank God you were there,” Grace added, offering me a heartwarming smile, her appreciation reflected in her eyes.
“You did good, son,” Victor said, meeting my gaze. I remained silent as I stared at him for a moment, nodding curtly.
“Is that for the baby?” Nikki said, motioning to the tiny teddy bear I was strangling with my fist.
“Yeah,” I cleared my throat before glancing down at the toy. “I’ve got to go,” my eyes searching around the hallway, desperate to find something else to look at instead of their happy faces. “I’ve got someplace I have to be, do me a favor and give this to the kid for me?” I directed at Nikki, offering her the teddy bear.
Nikki frowned slightly taking the soft toy from my hands and lifted her eyes to meet mine. “Are you sure you don’t want to give it to him yourself?” She took a step closer, lowering her voice to just a whisper. “I’m sure they both would love to see you.”
“Maybe I will swing by later, kid,” I responded, both of us knowing that I wouldn’t. I sighed heavily reaching into my pocket and pulled out a bag of Reece’s Pieces, handing them over to Nikki. “Give these to your sister,” I added, leaning into her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. I looked over at Grace and Victor, offered them a nod, and left them to bask in the glory of their new grandchild.
I stepped onto the elevator, ran my fingers through my hair, and punched the wood paneled wall. Anger coursed through every vein in my body, at least that’s what I told myself it was but when tears stung my eyes, I realized it wasn’t just anger but sorrow too.
*****
“Anthony I’m begging you not to do this!” Adrianna cried. Her mascara running down her beautiful face as she pleaded with me, clutching my shirt in her fists. She begged me not to turn my back on her and our relationship.
“It’s only for a little while baby,” I tried to reason, knowing there was no hope. The optimistic side of me, reminding myself it was only three years, and we were young. I’d be almost thirty and Adrianna would be only 25, we had our whole lives ahead of us. The realistic side of me, knowing three years was a long fucking time. A lot could change in three years; hell, my whole life was turned upside and that only took three minutes alone in a room with Victor, that fucking bastard. The man who I idolized half my life had managed to become the man I loathed the most. I took hold of her hands, prying her fingers from the death grip they had on my shirt before I bent my knees making my eyes level with hers.
“I don’t have a choice,” I said, gravely trying desperately to keep my shit together.
“You have a choice! You’ve always had a choice,” she said, through her tears. “You didn’t make the right decision years ago but you can now, you just need to choose me. Choose us.” She pleaded, lifting her hands to cradle my face in her palms. I tried to turn away, looking into her eyes, seeing all the love she had for me was too much. It was making this too hard but she wouldn’t let my eyes leave hers as she held my head straight. “We’ll leave here … together, you and me,” her voice sounding desperate.