“Hi baby…” She said softly. “I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. I have a good excuse though.” She looked down at her hands that rested in her lap. “I’m clean almost two whole months. No pills Jake, not even a sip of alcohol.” She glanced back at his stone. “I know I disappointed you, but I couldn’t find my way when you left this world. I couldn’t find the Cara that existed without Jake Lanza at her side.” She shrugged her shoulders and thought about her words for a moment. “To be honest, I’m not sure I found her completely, but I’m trying. Every day I am trying to pick up the pieces of who I used to be. I don’t think I will ever be that girl again, but I think there are traces of her in the woman I’m becoming. I hope wherever you are, you can learn to like the new me, maybe even love me.” Her eyes filled but the tears didn’t fall.
“There is so much I wish I could tell you. I sometimes wish heaven had a phone. Don’t laugh at me, I know it sounds ridiculous. But it’s true. I’d give anything to talk to you again. I’d tell you everything you’d want to hear, knowing I couldn’t change the outcome of how we ended. I’d tell you I missed you like crazy, but I was okay. I’d tell you I was lonely but not alone. I’d tell you that I love you and that I always will but that I may love another one day too. I can say that to you now, after reading your letter and knowing that you would want me to move on. I’m not ready for that step just yet. I don’t know when I will be but I won’t close my mind to it. I won’t let your death be the death of me, because then I wouldn’t be honoring everything you stood for. Everything we stood for.” She smiled sadly. “I also came here today to tell you that I’m packing up our apartment, well, your apartment.” She shook her head. “Our apartment,” she decided. “I would’ve stayed there forever, but well… your brother bought me a puppy.” She laughed out loud mentally picturing Jake’s eyes going wide in shock. “Our grumpy neighbor across the hall isn’t fond of Benny, that’s what we named him. He’s a beagle and he’s the cutest little guy you’ve ever seen.” A breeze blew through washing over her and she paused for a beat. “But I bet you knew that already… I feel you Jake. I know you’ll never really leave me. You’ll always be with me, always be in my heart, in my soul.”
She let out a deep sigh and glanced at her phone. “I have to go pick up Benny from Luke. We have this joint custody agreement until I find an apartment. I get him in the day and then I drop him off at Luke’s to sleep.” She paused for a moment. “He’s been really great to me Jake. We’re actually becoming friends.” She swallowed before she began again. “Can you do me a favor? I know it’s silly for me to ask because he’s your brother and I know you probably already are, but can you look out for him too? He’s a good person and deserves some happiness. He probably deserves it more than anyone I know.”
She rose to her feet and leaned down and ran her fingertips along his name carved into the headstone. “I love you, Jake Lanza.”
*
Nick looked over at Luke, who was leaning over the engine of a car working, while Benny chewed on the shoelaces of his boots. He arched a brow, wondering if Luke even knew Benny was going to town on his Timberland’s.
“Dude, is Benny, the new mechanic you hired?” Nick asked, earning a scowl from his friend.
“Cute. You’re a real comedian, Foti.” He said as he shook his leg, trying to shake off Benny, who began to wag his tail at the new game Luke was playing with him.
Nick bit into the apple that he remembered was in his hand and began to chew through his amusement. “I think so too.” He said with his mouth full.
“Well get your kicks in now, because Cara will be here any minute to pick him up and then you’ll have nothing to harass me about and maybe you can do some work around here.” Luke said flatly and stuck his head back under the hood of the car, giving his foot one final shake, hoping Nick didn’t notice.
“You know they say puppies are supposed to make people all warm and fuzzy, clearly you missed that memo.” Nick said taking another hefty bite of his apple.
“Must’ve,” Luke mumbled.
Nick decided to cut Luke some slack, not to mention a pissed off Luke meant Nick had to do something other than order parts and bid on old classic cars. He finished off his apple and chucked the core into the trash. “So tomorrow night the girls have their dress fittings. Sam mentioned going out to dinner afterwards with Cara. Think you can finagle a babysitter?”
Luke glanced over at him. “Hand me that wrench will you? Why do I need a babysitter?”
Nick grabbed the tool in question and handed it over to Luke before bending down to pet Benny. “So you and I can have a night out. Before you say no, hear me out. I have been up to my ears in flower arrangements, favors, invitations, and whatever the fuck else consists of a wedding. I need some man time. Between the wedding, the house and the romance novels I’m not even sure I’m still allowed to piss in the men’s room.”
Luke genuinely laughed and looked up at his friend. “Now would be a good time to remind you, you’re a lucky bastard.”
“I know I am. Get to marry the woman of my dreams, the only woman I ever loved… I mean other than your mother and maybe mine. Lucille is starting to grow on me.”