I didn't work for the feds anymore, so I had nothing to hide. I could waltz right into Starbucks with a bloodstained shirt and tell people I'd just fallen off my Harley, and people would barely blink.
It irritated me that in the face of something so terrifying — had you not been raised in it, you'd assume it only happened on the movies — Andi had simply watched in fascination.
And then had the nerve to tell me I couldn't protect her.
What the hell?
I slammed my hands against the marble countertop then slammed them again. "Damn it!"
"Easy tiger," Andi said from the doorway.
I looked up at her reflection through the mirror. She walked hesitantly toward me.
I shook my head and moved away before she could touch me. It was too raw, killing them, nearly losing her, being reminded yet again that this little story wasn't going to end happy. In the end, I would lose her.
It was up to me to decide how.
Shit.
With a scowl, I turned on the shower. "Not now, Andi, I'm not in the mood."
"Not what you said about an hour ago."
I started pulling off my clothes. If she wasn't going to leave, I didn't give a rat's ass; I was still going to shower. I needed to get Russian slime off my body.
Steam billowed out the minute I opened the shower door.
After a few minutes, I assumed Andi had left.
I was just getting ready to turn the handle when a soft delicate hand met mine. With a curse, I closed my eyes and leaned forward, allowing my forehead to press against the glass as water dripped down my face.
Her breasts pressed up against my back; her arms wrapped around my waist. "I'm sorry."
I couldn't trust myself to speak. I'd always been good with words, even better with my intellect, but in that moment I had nothing. I didn't know what to say because I'd never been in a situation so out of my control — so completely out of my element that all I wanted to do was push it to the farthest part of my brain so I wouldn't have to think about it.
So I wouldn't feel.
"I'm sorry I told you not to come after me." Andi sighed, pressing a kiss against my back. "And I'm sorry I did it in front of the guys… but what I'm most sorry about is that you're in this position, somewhere you never wanted to be in the first place."
I let out a heavy sigh, my chest squeezing tight. Slowly, I peeled her hands away from my waist and turned. Her brown eyes were large, focused, sad. It killed me, because Andi wasn't one of those people. Sadness looked completely foreign on her.
I hated it.
I hated it so much I vowed in that moment to do everything in my power to extinguish that emotion forever.
I wasn't a soft person.
A tender lover.
A thinker — when it came to the opposite sex. But everything about her made me think. As water cascaded down her soft face, I thought. I thought so hard I was convinced she could hear my thoughts.
She was beautiful.
Breathtaking.
Brave.
And mine.
My lips found hers. I kissed her softly, tasting the water on her mouth, sucking it between my teeth. "I'm exactly where I want to be. I just never knew it… until now."
Our mouths collided in a heated frenzy as I lifted her into the air then pressed her against the shower wall. My hands slid down her thighs as she clenched around me tightly.
Her blond hair stuck to her cheeks. I moved my lips to her ear, licking the trickle of water down her neck, following its trail all the way to her small breasts.
My mouth sucked along every inch that the water traveled, my lips unable to do anything except taste. I flicked my tongue — and gained a painful jerk as she tugged my hair back and let out a moan.
I wasn't gentleman enough to ask her if she wanted more.
Because I wasn't going to be gentleman enough to stop if she said no.
I was desperate in a way I'd never been before, to feel her, to feel all of her and, most of all, to forget that in a few short months…
I wouldn't be able to feel that heart beat.
I wouldn't be able to lick her skin.
Her taste would be long forgotten.
A frenzied sort of madness over took my senses as I slammed my mouth against hers, willing her to live, willing her to fight, making promises with my lips that I knew I could never speak aloud — because if I did, it would make it real. It would make what we were going to go through real.
And I didn't want real.
Not anymore.
Tension built between us. She jerked my lower lip between her teeth then kissed me deeper, harder, faster.
I didn't ask if she was ready. I didn't need to.
I just… knew.
As if we'd been long lost lovers… as if we'd been made to be together.
One thrust, and I was inside of her, moving with her, living with her. Sharp nails dragged across my back, and then her hands found my hair again. With each movement of my hips, she tugged harder.
Heat surged between our bodies.
Every muscle tensed in her body. I only cared about her — not myself — and that's when I knew I was already gone. Screwed the minute I'd said yes to her.