Crazy. Fucking. Bitch.
When I looked up, Mae was in front of me wearing a huge fucking smile. “You have chosen the path of forgiveness?” I shook my head in frustration. It was only for her. Always only for fucking her. Ky was right; I was such a fucking pussy.
Cunt-struck. So fucking cunt-struck.
Mae stood on her tiptoes and pressed her mouth against mine. Groaning into her mouth, I slammed her against the wall and took her full lips with mine. Mae moaned, then pulled away. My hands fell to her waist, and I felt her looking at me hard.
Mae took a deep breath. “River?” My heart fucking slammed against my chest whenever she called me by that name. I flicked my chin. “I think it is time.”
I frowned. Time for what?
Mae cupped my rough cheeks with her hands and answered my unspoken question. “For me to be completely yours . . . for me to finally become Mrs. River Nash.”
I froze. I fucking froze stock still and my eyes narrowed. “Wh-when?” I barked, wanting it to happen fucking yesterday.
“As soon as we can,” she said and put my hand on her stomach. “Before our child arrives. When things around here have calmed down again.”
I wanted to ride out, kidnap the first fucking pastor I found and drag his holy ass to the clubhouse to marry us.
But instead I decided to take my soon-to-be wife back to our cabin and fuck her until she screamed.
So I fucking did.
Chapter Nineteen
Rider
Ten days later . . .
“Do you need anything else?” Bella asked as she helped me back to bed from the shower.
“No,” I said and held onto her hand. Bella smiled down at me. I glanced down at her hand in mine . . . at the wedding ring on her fourth finger.
She crawled onto the bed beside me. I winced as I twisted to face her. Bella looked down at the simple gold band. “The most sacred thing I possess,” she said, smiling. “It was the best thing I ever did.”
My heart stuttered. I could see in her eyes that she meant it. Hell, the past few days had shown me how much she really loved me. It was funny as hell to me. Bella credited me with saving her life, when really, she had saved me in every single way possible.
She gave me life when she spoke to me through that stone wall.
She gave me hope when she wanted me despite who I was.
And she fought the Hangmen for me when I should have died.
Over the past ten days she had never left my side. She had showered me with the love I had missed out on growing up. She had told me more than once that she would make up for all the kisses I should have been given as a child, the embraces I was starved of in my youth.
And she meant it. Bella always held my hand. She had held my hand in hers ever since our days in the cell. And here she still was, still holding my fucking hand in bed.
A knock sounded on the door, and Smiler came through, as he did every day. Bella sat up, just as a little blonde girl pushed past Smiler’s legs, taking advantage of the open door.
“Grace!” I heard Lilah call. “I am sorry!” Lilah said as she appeared in the doorway. “The little monster likes to run away.” I smiled as I heard the happiness in her voice.
I felt a pair of eyes on my face. Grace was standing beside my bed, staring at me. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. I glanced at Bella, who was watching in amusement. “Hello, Grace,” I said.
Grace turned to Lilah with a little frown on her face. “Mama?” Grace said. “I thought you said the prophet was in heaven now?” My stomach dropped when she pointed to me. “But he is here. I have found him again!”
Lilah’s eyes widened in embarrassed shock, and she darted further into the room. She crouched beside Grace. “No, Grace. Do you not remember Rider? Remember I said he was the prophet’s brother?”
Grace nodded dubiously. “But he looks just like the prophet.”
“I know. That is because he is his twin. Remember I explained what a twin was?”
Grace nodded her head. “People who share the same face.”
“That is right.” Lilah got to her feet. “I am so sorry, Rider. She still gets confused a lot. The transition from her former life to this is difficult. Lines blur.”
“It’s okay,” I said. But inside, I was fucking dying. I hadn’t even looked in a mirror since I’d been laid up in this bed like a damn cripple. It wasn’t because of my injuries. It was because I didn’t want to the see the man staring back.
I saw him every time I closed my eyes. Gasping for breath. Pleading with me to let him live.
“Aunt Bella! Come outside, I want to show you something,” Grace said, snapping me from my thoughts. Bella rocked on her feet. I could see she wanted to go, but she didn’t want to leave me.
“Go,” I said, forcing a smile. “Please.” I needed some time alone.
Bella nodded in understanding and let Grace take her hand and lead her outside. I closed my eyes. I worked on breathing, but the fucking constant ache in my chest flared to life, crippling my lungs.
“You good?” I opened my eyes to see Smiler holding out some painkillers. I nodded and took them from his hands. Smiler gave me a glass of water and I knocked the painkillers back.
I put the glass on the side table, fucking wincing when the pain from my cracked ribs cut through me. “Fuck!” I hissed as I lowered myself back down.
Smiler busied himself with the bandages he’d brought. The brother had been here every day despite some of the Hangmen giving him shit. I didn’t know why. Hell, I had no idea why he even helped me from the barn in the first place.
“I wanna get to that cabin, man, and outta this clubhouse,” I said.
“You will. A few more days.”
“I can get there now,” I argued.