“Did you sleep okay without me?”
“You know I didn’t,” I said, running my finger under his eyes. “You look tired.”
“Too many nights without my dreamcatcher.”
“I don’t know how to be in love. I can love my family and I can get close to my friends. The way I feel about you is scary.”
“You’re fucked up and I’m fucked up. Seems like we're too fucked up to work. Except together, we’re okay enough to get over all the fucked up problems we have.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“Thanks. They’ll be part of my wedding vows.” I stared at him and he stared right back. “Love, marriage, baby carriage. My mother will insist on those three list items.”
“But not right away.”
“Oh, she’ll insist on it happening yesterday. That doesn’t mean she snaps the whip and we jump.”
“I’m not ready to leave Ellsberg,” I said, breathing too fast when I thought of missing my family.
“For the time being, Bob will be residing at the Holiday Inn Express just outside of town with his woman.”
I grinned. “Bob Robertson?”
“You’ll get it in the minute,” he said, leaning forward to kiss my throat.
When I realized he was making fun of my dad’s name, I grunted my disapproval.
“So do I have to call you Bob now?”
“It's my name while back in Ellsberg. Have IDs to prove it, but you can call me anything you want, baby,” he said, giving me a wink.
My hips wiggled instinctively at the sight of his devious grin. Saint sighed and leaned his head back.
“I need to get you alone.”
Thinking of how casual Saint was with intimacy now, I decided to splash a little reality on our reunion.
“While you were gone, I was thinking about how comfortable you've become with me. I figured that maybe you ought to see if you can be comfortable with other women. Like date them and see if you find someone you like more.”
Saint pursed his lips and nodded. “Wouldn’t be a bad idea. I mean you're the first relationship I've had since Samantha. I really should experiment before I settle. Hook up with a bleached blonde. A sexy Latina would be nice too. Ooh, a hot black girl with some junk in her trunk. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll know you’re the one.”
After a moment of panic, I studied his face and realized he wasn’t kidding. “I’ll also experiment. I have the guy from church I can try rubbing up against.”
Wrapping thick strands of my hair around his finger, Saint smiled. “Have at it. Just be aware how any part of him that touches you will be sliced off by me. You tell him it’s not personal. Just something I do."
I snorted angrily. “So you get to fuck around, but I can’t or you’ll cut him up? How is that fair?”
“Hey, it’s your plan. Don’t be angry at me if you didn’t think things through.”
“What would your plan be?”
Saint settled back on the couch and stared over my shoulder. “I’m a simple man, so I have a simple plan. I wanted to come back to town, claim my woman, and play house here until she was ready to move to bigger pastures.”
“Are you sure I’m enough to be your woman? My trunk is lacking junk after all.”
“You got all insecure while I was out of town, huh?”
Holding his gaze, I nodded. Saint smiled softly. “With time, you’ll love yourself like I love you.”
His words sunk in until I could only shiver with relief. “I want to say it’s too soon.”
“All of life’s rules have exceptions.”
I smiled. “I love you too. If you hadn’t come back, I would have wanted to die.”
“So you came up with this bullshit in your head about fucking other people?” Saint asked, cupping my face and kissing me softly. “Do you sabotage yourself a lot or am I inspiring new behaviors in you?”
“It’s all you,” I whispered, relaxing against him. “You make me crazy and stupid.”
“Just as I planned.”
Saint kissed me casually. Acting as if he had planned everything out from the day we met in the woods to this moment on my family’s back porch, he hadn't a care in the world. Melting into his powerful arms, I decided to follow this man anywhere.
Chapter Thirty Six ~ Saint
Harlow couldn’t stop looking at me. I loved when the world disappeared until I was all she could see. Made me feel like a fucking superstar. Better than the applause of a thousand badasses, thinking I was damn unstoppable. Harlow made me the man I craved to be. The man I thought I lost in Mexico.
We sat on the back porch for nearly an hour. Holding Harlow against me, I studied her features. Only days apart, I’d missed her in a way that scared me. I felt like an infant reliant on his mother for all his needs. I craved Harlow in a million ways. Her eyes hypnotized me much like the passing clouds did when I was a kid. I could stare at her forever. God willing, I would.
“You look tired,” I said, sounding exhausted myself.
“I didn’t sleep without you.”