“It’s not him. It’s just reality.”
“I’m messed up too. More than you. How come my man makes me feel good and yours makes you feel bad? I think he’s the problem.”
“Saint is perfect," I muttered, glaring at her for talking shit about him.
“Apparently not or he wouldn't leave you feeling so bad,” Winnie said, pulling the car back onto the road. “I hope he doesn’t come back so you can find someone better.”
I continued glaring at her. “There is no one better than him.”
“Whatever. I think he sucks.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t know.”
“I know you love him, but think he doesn’t love you.”
Losing the anger in my gut, I ached with the sick feeling of knowing Winnie was right. “Why would he love me?”
Winnie shrugged. “He must like something about you or else why did he put up with you for a week?”
I couldn't answer her question. Saint was amazing while I was average. Only his self-loathing made him think he needed to settle for me.
“I think he likes that you’re tough,” she said, turning into the subdivision where Farah and Raven lived. “He probably thinks you’re hot too. Men are very visual.”
“I guess.”
“Did he ever mention any particular part of your body he liked? Men are kinda obvious.”
“What did Dylan like about you?”
“Boobs, hair, eyes. Oh, and my lips. In that order.”
I smirked. “Showoff.”
“That's true. I’m happily married while you’re in love with someone who doesn't like you at all.”
Winnie started laughing, causing me to roll my eyes. “It’s not funny.”
“I was trying to pull a mind game on you, but I couldn’t keep from laughing. Sorry.”
“What was the point of your mind game?”
“To show you Saint sees stuff in you that you don’t see. Like he probably is thinking about you right now.”
“Thanks for trying to make me feel better even if it didn’t work.”
“I’ll ask the girls to help me. If we all gang up on you, that's bound to make you feel better.”
“Like with the intervention?”
“No, that was a dud. I blame Bailey and Raven. It’s just easier that way.”
“True.”
Winnie pulled into the long driveway leading to Raven’s yellow house. Once we parked, she turned to me.
“Saint wanted you right away. Training you was an excuse to spend time with you. He said he’s coming back. The guy is smacking you in the face with his feelings. It doesn’t matter if you think he can do better. He wants what he wants and a guy like Saint is probably used to getting what he wants. That’s my view on it and I’ll stop bugging you about it for today. I won’t get the girls to pick on you either. I’ll let it drop, but you need to accept how this man has feelings for you. You also need to admit you love him. Stop whining and grab your chance at happiness. If you don’t, I’m telling Mom and Dad on you.”
Laughing, I took a swipe at her hair. Winnie watched me for a minute then said the words on my mind too.
“If things work out with him, he’ll want you to leave Ellsberg.”
“Yes. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Small towns and Saint don’t mix.”
Winnie struggled against the urge to panic. I saw tears threatening to fall, but she took a deep breath and calmed herself. A year ago, my sister was a different girl until Dylan’s love made her stronger.
“I don’t know if I can handle leaving,” I said when she remained silent.
“You can handle it. Do you know where he’d want to move?”
“No. He only said he likes the anonymity of a big city. He grew up in a smaller place and his family remains there, but I don’t know details.”
Winnie smiled. “You will soon. He’ll return and feel safer without all those Memphis guys around. I know Dylan was tense with them here. Everyone was, but things will settle down soon. Who knows? Saint might come to dinner like we planned.”
I shared her grin. “I love the idea of him sitting at the dinner table with Mom, Dad, and Jace.”
“If he’s the one for you, Harlow, don’t mess things up because you’re scared. You can be brave in a fight, so be brave with Saint. Don’t give him up if he’s what you need.”
We climbed out of the car then hugged for long enough to get heckled by Raven and Bailey. They didn’t even open the door, instead yelling out the window. Winnie flipped them off, still resting her head on my shoulder. Bailey balked at the gesture and we listened to her fake indignation. Laughter followed from the other women until we realized our quiet moment was over.
With Winnie and my friends, I felt at ease in a world that scared me. I loved Saint, but wasn't sure he'd be enough to keep me strong if I left Ellsberg.
Chapter Thirty Four ~ Saint