Despite everyone thinking I was the tougher sister, Winnie was my safety blanket. She kept me sane when my past haunted me. Winnie inspired me when she faced her fears to make a life with Dylan. Now I needed her help to face my own insecurities.
I found my sister sitting with Dylan on the house’s deck. She looked so happy and comfortable, but her smile faded when she saw me. I must have looked freaked because she rushed to my side and we hurried into the house. Once in a spare bedroom, she shut the door and waited for me to speak.
“Did he hurt you?”
“No!” I cried. “Gosh, no. Nothing like that.”
“Sorry, but you looked like someone hurt you.”
“It was me. I did it.”
Winnie frowned, waiting for me to explain.
“I pushed him to say he’d stay longer. I want him to stay so bad. I hurt when I think he might be gone soon. So I pushed and Saint said he would stay. Then he said something else. He doesn’t want to settle down in Ellsberg, but he hinted that I could come with him.”
Winnie’s expression froze. Torn between rational sister and panicked sister, she said nothing for a long time. I let the silence hang in the air because I didn’t know what to say either.
“Do you love him?” she finally whispered.
“I don’t know. I think I could. It’s only been a few days. Saint is like no one else and I want to keep him with me. I can’t say I love him though. I’m too scared to let him close. He’s holding back too, but I don’t want him to leave.”
Winnie snapped into mature sister mode. “You have time,” she said, taking my hand. “Don’t freak out when you have time to figure out if you have something permanent.”
“I don’t want him to leave," I said because it was all I could think.
“Maybe he’d learn to like it here.”
My heart was beating so hard at the thought of losing Saint. “He likes cities better.”
“People make sacrifices for those they love. Since you don’t know if it’s love, don’t sweat it. Just have fun and enjoy his company.”
“So rational.”
“I had my turn to freak out. It’s your turn now.”
“I panic when I think of never seeing him again.”
Winnie cupped my face and brushed away the tear on my cheek. “If he’s the one for you then you’re panicking for nothing. If he’s not then the panic will go away. You’ve survived worse than a broken heart.”
Despite my fear, I knew her words made sense. “I got scared when he talked about leaving. Got scared of losing him and scared of thinking of leaving with him. I hate being scared.”
“I know,” Winnie said, hugging me.
We sat quietly while I gained control of my fried nerves. Winnie worked the damp clumps out of my hair.
“I don’t want you to leave Ellsberg,” she whispered and my gaze met hers. “But I do want you to be happy.”
After glancing around the room, I gave into my need to gossip. “His kisses are so good.”
Winnie grinned and scooted closer. “I never thought you’d like that stuff.”
“I shouldn’t like it. Maybe I don’t really like it, but I like him. When Saint touches me, I don't think about what he’s doing. I only think about him.”
Smiling growing, Winnie took my hand. “That's how it is with Dylan. I sometimes think about having sex at the end of the day. I'll know he’s coming to bed and I get a really bad feeling. I start thinking about those pigs who hurt me then I see Dylan and the bad feeling goes away. I trust him and my body knows him. I want you to have that comfort with someone.”
“Not Saint though?”
“I don’t know him. He’s big and scary and a professional killer. If I knew him like I know the guys from the crew, I would understand what you see in him.”
“I doubt he’ll want to go bowling,” I muttered. “I don’t even like bowling.”
“See if he’ll come to dinner and meet Mom and Dad. Dylan and I can come too, so he won’t feel on the spot. We can get to know him.”
The image of Saint and my parents chatting in my house made me nervous. What if they hated him? What if he decided I was too ordinary for such an extraordinary man? What if neither happened, but Saint wanted to leave Ellsberg and take me with him?
As much as I craved Saint, I didn’t know if I was strong enough to live without my family and friends nearby.
Chapter Twenty Eight ~ Saint