Damaged and the Outlaw (Damaged #4)

“You like my crazy though.”


Raven avoided my gaze, but I noticed the corner of her mouth lift.

“We can’t work,” she said, her voice losing its heat. “I have bad luck with men.”

“I’m not men. I’m the stud you love.”

Grinning, she covered her mouth and shook her head again. “Stop. It’s not funny. You grabbed me like a mad man.”

“Yeah. We’ll want to leave that part out when we tell stories to our kids one day.”

Raven glanced at me and the humor in her expression was gone. “You’re going to die. There’ll be no kids.”

“We don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“I can’t take the chance.”

“You’re brave enough to give us a chance.”

“You don’t understand,” she said, suddenly panicked.

“Help me understand.”

“It hurt,” she whimpered. “When Dex dumped me, it hurt. When Vic dumped me, it hurt. They were losers. I didn’t even like them at the end. They were nothing, but it still hurt. How will I survive losing you? How will I breathe?”

“I’m never letting you go,” I said, kneeling on the floor in front of her. “That’s what the chloroform was about.”

“They’re going to kill you,” she said in a child’s voice. “You’re going to die like Phoenix and I can’t survive that.”

“My job is dangerous. Judd and Tawny make it work.”

“No,” she whimpered, cupping my face. “That’s how you could die. That’s a maybe like how people can die in car accidents. People talk like you will die. There’s no if, only how soon. I can’t…”

Breathing too fast, Raven tried to squirm away, but I kept her pinned. I saw now how she’d never faced her pain. The oldest child in a family with a shitty mother and revolving fathers, Raven hid from her loss and fear. She wanted to hide now, but it was too late.

“I love you,” I whispered. “The moment I saw you, I wanted you. The moment you gave me shit, I wanted you more. Every time we fucked or laughed made me want you more. I lied to myself about us. I tried to be sane about what I could have with you. We’re not fuck buddies or friends with benefits or biding our time until someone else comes along. We’re real and I don’t just want you anymore. I need you in my life if I want to get up in the morning. No other man can have you. No one is taking you from me. You’re mine and I’m keeping you. I don’t care if that seems crazy or stupid. It’s too late to lie anymore.”

“Maybe I could go to Tucson and…”

“No…”

“Wait, they wouldn’t expect me and I heard that the top guys in the Devils aren’t easy to replace. I could kill them and you’d be safe.”

Her expression broke my heart. “And what if they hurt you?”

“I can’t let you die.”

“And if you died, I’d have no reason to live. You’d save me only so I could wish to die.”

Raven stared exhausted at me. “I need to lie because the truth is too much. I can’t be strong thinking you’ll die. Please, let me try to kill them.”

Despite how ridiculous the idea was, I never loved Raven more than when she begged me to let her kill my enemies. She just wanted to be my heroine even if it meant spilling blood including hers.

“Sugar, you can’t kill them. Executing people isn’t something your heart would allow.”

“You don’t know. To save someone I love, I could do anything.”

“And you love me?”

Raven looked away. “I feel like something bad is coming. Like a black cloud is hanging over us. We shouldn’t tempt fate.”

“By saying we love each other?”

Raven nodded. “I tempted fate the day Phoenix died. I thought about how good our life was and nothing could make me feel different. I liked our house and our stupid stepdad and I was happy. Nothing bad would happen to take it away then he died and it all went away. I jinxed my family and Phoenix died.”

“You know that’s not your fault.”

“Logically, it was my stupid stepdad’s fault, but you can jinx yourself. You can make bad things happen by wishing too much for good things.”

Studying Raven, I realized she was really out of it. The chloroform had done a number on her. Fatigue and panic broke her down until she was a superstitious child afraid to look under the bed.

“You don’t need to say it,” I told her, helping Raven to her feet. “We’ll rest and…”

“I’m not fucking you,” she said, pushing me away. “What you did by bringing me here was crazy. I’m not rewarding that bullshit.”

“Thanks for the life lesson, mom,” I teased, nudging her towards the bedroom. “We’ll sleep and talk in the morning”

“Is it safe here in the woods?”

“Yes.”

“What if something attacks?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

“I have more guns here than at my apartment. If something attacks, we’ll shoot it and go back to sleep.”

Raven smiled slightly. “You’re strong, Vaughn. You can survive.”

“I will survive. Nothing is taking me away from you.”