Damaged and the Outlaw (Damaged #4)

Crap.

Thinking about babies was a bad sign, but I couldn’t stop myself. Holding this perfect little creature, I returned to my childhood dream of being a mom. Unlike Lark, I couldn’t admit I wanted to be a mother without people laughing or giving me the look. People always assumed I’d suck as a mom and my kid would be taken away by the state. They imagined my bratty kids freaking out at restaurants or hanging out of the car while I screamed at traffic. No one saw me as mother material, but I had it in me. If I had been in charge that day, Phoenix would be in high school. Flirting with girls and being stupid, he’d have his whole life ahead of him. Instead, a loser who looked the part of a good dad had been in charge. He left Phoenix to die like I never would have.

I learned that day my heart could break and never heal, yet I could keep living. I also learned looks were deceiving. Good men might be evil and bitchy women could be generous.

Like most babies, Scarlet liked me. I had a way about me that calmed them. Who knew what magic I possessed, but it was one of my few qualities. One day, I would hold Lark’s babies and they would stare at me with the same warmth I saw in Scarlet’s eyes. I just wished I could find a guy who looked at me like Aaron looked at Lark. Not horny, but full of love. Real affection based on wanting me happy, not on wanting a hot girlfriend.

Vaughn wasn’t that guy. He couldn’t be that guy with all his baggage and walls up. At the bowling alley, he lowered his guard and showed me the teddy bear underneath his indifferent grizzly. The guy I saw wanted more from life.

Life wasn’t playing by Vaughn’s terms.

While we didn’t have a shot at forever, Vaughn and I would make one hell of a hot kid together. I even wondered if maybe I should use him as a sperm donor. This idea, while appealing, made me uneasy. Getting knocked up by a random guy at a bar was one thing. Using a guy I cared about crossed a line I didn’t realize I had.

“I want a baby one day,” Bailey said, having been silent for too long and needing attention. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I just want a baby that looks like my hot husband. My man will be so great that everyone will be jealous.”

Grinning at her, I ran a finger over Scarlet’s soft hair as everyone fell silent again. I walked around the room, bouncing gently and singing Wagon Wheel. Even with my crappy voice, the baby gurgled happily at me.

Nearby, Tawny was less amused. “The minute I got married, people started bugging us about when we were having a baby. Like we couldn’t be happy together and enjoy being newlyweds without needing a kid. What’s the rush?”

Farah frowned at Tawny who rolled her eyes. “Not that there’s anything wrong with starting right away,” she said then glanced at Maddy and Lark who watched me. “Or before. That’s the thing. There’s no right way. Babies can come whenever or not at all. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something right by following someone else’s schedule.”

“So do you want kids?” Maddy asked, holding a glass while Lark sipped tea.

“Yeah, sure. Not now. I’m eighteen and still figuring out my problems. I can’t be in charge of someone else. Having Judd and Farah and you guys is all the family I need right now. One day, we’ll give kids a try. Or not. Maybe we’ll just decide not to and that should be okay.”

Maddy had Farah sip the tea then she set the glass on the table. Sitting down next to Bailey, she smiled.

“I love being a mom, but I’m not planning on doing it again for a long time.”

Bailey snorted. “Did you tell Tuck that, so he won’t mess with your pills again?”

“Yeah. I made him promise not to screw with my shit again. I told him I want to focus on Scarlet and make her as happy as possible. I would worry about her being lonely, but Farah and Lark are preggers. I know she’ll grow up with cousins close to her in age. Plus, I’m thinking about starting a daycare in a year or so when we’re settled into a house. I love kids and I want to make money too. That way, I’m not just living off Tuck.” Pausing, she glanced quickly at Bailey who was resting her head on Maddy’s shoulder. “I know some people think I’m with Tuck because of his money. They think I wanted the baby for the same reason. I would probably think that too about another girl in my situation. It’s not that way though. I love Tuck. I know he’s dumb as shit and loud and rough, but he’s also smart sometimes. He’s sweet too. When I got the flu back when we were dating, he brought me soup and crackers and cleaned up my puke. How many guys would do that shit for a chick they were banging? Not many, but Tuck thought I was special. Sometimes, I worry he’ll cheat because he looks at girls, but I tested and he won’t.”