Damaged and the Outlaw (Damaged #4)

Three hours later, we dozed off exhausted. Four hours later, I woke in a fit of panic. Cuddled up with Raven, I was on my way to losing my damn mind.

What was my plan anyway? Wait until she woke up then we’d go to dinner. Maybe a movie or bowling. Then, we’d spend the night together. By the end of the week, we’d be talking marriage and baby carriages. I’d walk around with a stupid smile on my face, not at all concerned about my missing balls. Or the death sentence hovering over me.

No, I wasn’t whipped yet. It wasn’t too late to stop the downward spiral into stupid. For Raven’s sake as much as mine, I needed to pull away and remember why they called me Outlaw. I belonged nowhere and to no one. Despite everything Raven offered, nothing had changed. I was a murderer with blood on my hands and a bounty on my head.

Raven was asleep when I slipped out of her place and drove away. I left a text about hooking up with her as soon as my cock healed. Even trying to keep it light, I knew she would be pissed. At least, that’s what I hoped.





Chapter Five - Raven


My sickness hadn’t ended with a bout of abstinence. I was still drawn to bad men who used then tossed me aside. The upside was this time I hadn’t lost my heart or mind. I’d simply lost my panties.

I couldn’t find them anywhere.

After a shower, I retrieved a new pair like I could never find a new heart. Friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Whatever we called it was a definite step in the right direction romance-wise. Too bad the idiot had to be a jackass too.

Vaughn sent a short text about hitting me up soon. I wanted to hit him up right then. A punch followed by more sex, but he was gone. At least, he hadn’t turned clingy because this arrangement worked for me.

As annoying as it was to have Vaughn ditch me while I slept, I felt great. Didn’t even have an urge for my Nicorette. I was hungry though and the fridge was rather empty except for beer and juice.

The Johanssons had opened their home to me in a completely unexpected way. During the years I spent in Ellsberg, I heard plenty of things about this family. I knew they had the power to make troublemakers disappear. When I was about to start second grade and my mom left me and Lark in the car, I watched Kirk drag a man behind a building.

Minutes later, he came out, but the man never did. I imagined all sorts of things about what happened to the man, but I never told Lark. She was reading a book and enjoying the fantasy world it provided. The real world was ugly and the Johanssons were like beautiful monsters.

These days, they were a family who adopted me for no reason besides my sister married their son’s friend. Walking into the house, I found Bailey sitting on the couch with Sawyer on the floor in front of her. They were watching a wilderness men show while Bailey braided her sister’s wavy hair. Outside, Jodi was napping under an umbrella while Kirk read off a Kindle next to her.

“Abstinence didn’t work for you, huh? Bailey muttered, glaring at me.

“How did you know? Do I smell? I asked, thinking I’d scrubbed in the shower.

Sawyer grinned. “You got kissed by a vacuum cleaner.”

Confused until Sawyer pointed at my neck, I remember the hickeys. “Giving up the cigs is hard. I needed another release.”

“Mom will stop smoking when she turns sixty,” Sawyer said, braiding her doll’s hair like Bailey did hers. “She doesn’t want to rush into the decision.”

Joining them on the couch, I asked even though I already knew the answer. “Are you mad?”

Bailey exhaled hard. “Tell me it wasn’t a big dumb blond loser with long hair like a girl.”

Sawyer giggled. “We should braid Vaughn’s hair.”

Smiling, I wanted to reassure Bailey. “It’s not serious.”

“Whore,” she said, clearly not reassured. “Stupid whore.”

“Uh-oh!” Sawyer cried. “She’s going to kick your ass.”

“No, I’m not. I’m too nice for that. I’m just going to hate Raven quietly and occasionally call her a whore.”

“And stupid,” I said, giving her a small smile.

“Well, you are stupid.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just not as strong as you.”

Like someone flicked a switch, Bailey’s face lit up. “I am very strong. Determined.”

“No punching, I guess,” Sawyer said, looking at the TV.

Bailey wrapped a band at the end of Sawyer’s braid. “All done.”

Standing up, Sawyer felt the braid. “Thank you. I love you, Bailey.”

After the sisters hugged, Sawyer ran off to wherever she went when she wasn’t around.

“Farah trained Sawyer to be less evil,” Bailey said, setting her feet on the coffee table. “I should send my sister-in-law a fruit basket or something.”

“Are you mad?”

“No. Do you want to go swimming?”

“Sure. I’m restless.”

“Too much sex will do that.”

Once in our bikinis, we grabbed leftover chicken and headed to the pool. Stomachs full, we jumped in immediately because the Johanssons didn’t believe in the thirty minute rule.