Damaged and the Outlaw (Damaged #4)

Raven said nothing as we rode to the Johansson property outside of Ellsberg. She didn’t speak after we parked by Cooper’s old apartment or during the walk up the stairs. She ignored the Rottweilers running around in the yard and the sounds of Sawyer squealing in the pool.

I tugged her to a stop once we were inside. “What’s the deal? Did the fucker hurt you as a kid?”

“He didn’t do shit when I was a kid,” Raven said, kicking off her sandals. “He has a bunch of little girls around Kentucky from the many women he’s nailed. I suspect the fucker will keep trying until he makes a boy.”

I walked to the fridge in the small kitchen for a drink. Finding beer and fruit punch, my choice wasn’t difficult. I brought a beer for Raven too and joined her on the couch where I kicked off my boots.

“I didn’t know your dad was a Reaper.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’s never been a dad. I didn’t even know he supplied the sperm to make me until we moved back here and Mom hooked up with her current turd. Larry said he didn’t want biker trash as a stepdaughter so I needed to disown Scott. I was like, ‘Who the fuck is Scott?’ Suddenly, the asshole showed up and announced I was an adult and he wasn’t making a claim on me. It was stupid as shit and I was like good riddance.”

Raven struggled to sound angry, but I heard pain in her voice too.

“Then, a few months later, Scott saw me with my boyfriend Dex and started telling us how to behave. Like we were goofing around and Dex was stoned and Scott said we were embarrassing him. I should have kicked his ass, but I worried he’d hurt Dex who could barely stand because he was giggling so much.”

Raven stopped speaking. She likely heard how stupid it all sounded and was embarrassed. I knew how she felt when it came to a shitty family and non-existent dad. Guys like Kirk who married his baby mama and stayed faithful were rare. Most were like Scott with kids with several chicks and a wife at home who was lucky to have him in her bed once a week.

“I never knew my dad either,” I said, drinking half my beer. “Could have been a couple guys. My mom was club pussy then got run off after she wouldn’t have an abortion. She raised me half of the time. The other half, I was with my granddad in West Virginia.”

“Do you ever wonder about him?”

“No, I don’t need to know his name and life story to know he was a piece of shit. My mom was a dumb fuck, but she was young and looking to belong somewhere. She’s always wanted to belong. She does now, but she knows her place. Anyway, having a dad sounds great except when that dad is a fucker. Better to have nothing than a bastard giving you shit all the time.”

Looking a little lost, Raven nodded. “I’ve never let a man talk to me like I let Scott do that day. He called me a whore in front of a bunch of people and I didn’t do anything. I should have, but I felt so weird to have him act like I mattered enough for him to be disappointed in me. I felt like I was a little kid wanting his approval except who the fuck is he? Just some guy who fucked my mom. They weren’t together. They weren’t anything and he was nothing to me. I don’t even have his last name. Mom gave Phoenix his shitty dad’s last name and the guy had tried to kill her. Anyway, Scott made me feel like a loser, but I let him.”

“I’ll kick his ass next time I see him,” I said, giving her a smile even though I had every intention of making Scott bleed.

Raven shook her head. “Whatever. I just don’t like seeing him. I’m embarrassed about that day. How I let him make me feel. When I see him, even from afar, I feel like I’m back there. It’s stupid and I left Ellsberg thinking people like him were the problem. It’s me though. I’m the one who lets them mess with my head. I just need to stop being stupid about it.”

“Easier said than done.”

“True, but I can’t control assholes. I can only control me. If I make good decisions, I can have a better life. I don’t have to be like my mom, begging for scraps of attention from a jerk. I can be free of that life.”

“I’ll never make you beg for anything more than orgasms.”

Raven glanced at me and smiled. “You’re very compassionate that way.”

“I really am. It’s my curse.”

Raven set her beer down. “I’m in a shitty mood and I want to smoke a pack of cigarettes and drink until I barf. I’m not doing those things, but I will fuck you until I can’t feel my legs. As my fuck buddy, it’s your duty to help me.”

“I take my fuck buddy responsibilities very seriously. Now, let’s get you naked, so I can start the healing.”

Laughing, Raven jumped to her feet and ran for the bedroom. Any awkwardness I might have felt about fucking in Cooper’s old room, let alone on his bed, ended when I saw the blonde goddess jumping around naked on the mattress. The healing process had officially commenced.