Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

“Cooper loves Farah even though she had a shitty childhood. She has her issues and he still loves her. I thought you were my Cooper and would love me even though I suck. I wouldn’t want me if I were you. You say you’re a bad man, but you’re strong and beautiful and any woman would want you. No man would want me if he knew me like you do. No one would want what I am.”


I crawled into bed. “I should have lied. I should have put on a show, but I guess that wouldn’t work either. You saw what a loser I was back in Texas. You were attracted to me, but you couldn’t see past all the ugly. I’m sorry I messed up and made you not want me. I tried, but I’m not smart enough or good enough to fake it better. I’m trash just like everyone in my family except Farah. She’s the only one who wasn’t born a loser. I want to be like her so much, but I’m not. I’m stupid and ugly and bad and that’s why you dumped me. That’s why you left and didn’t even say goodbye. You saw a chance to get away and you took it and I don’t blame you. I want away from me too. I wish I could just leave me behind and run away, but my filth would follow me anywhere.”

As I pulled the blanket over me, I wasn’t even sure what I was saying anymore. “I’m sorry, Judd. I wish I was better for you, but please know I tried. I just couldn’t hide what I am, but I wanted you so much and I wished so much that I was better for you.”

Hanging up, I fell asleep crying and pretending he was wrapped around me. In my drunken state, I could almost feel him comforting me. I imagined him lying about my beauty and how much he wanted me. His words were my last thoughts before I dozed off into a dream where I was back with Farah, waiting to be handed off. Farah’s panic overwhelmed her until she shut down before the suffering began. I watched her and wanted to shut down too. Instead, I felt every moment of it.





Chapter Twenty


Standing at the second bus stop the next day after my shift, I noticed a Harley flying by in the direction of Denny’s. A second later, a few horns honked as the Harley turned recklessly into the other lane and returned towards me. I watched Judd brake hard by the stop and climb off his bike.

He looked great, of course. Tired, but gorgeous. I hated him for being out of reach, yet everything I wanted.

“Angel,” he said then glanced at the college guys staring. “Fuck off.”

As the guys moved, Judd led me farther away, so we might have a little privacy on the busy street.

“Back for a booty call?” I muttered, staring past him.

“Tawny, I got your message and came looking for you as soon as I got to town. Babe, why would you think we’re over?”

“You left without telling me. You never called me back. Never texted me. Never gave me any sign I mattered to you. I thought it was pretty obvious you were done with me.”

Judd cupped my face and forced me to look at him. “I’m not someone who checks in with people.”

“I thought I was more than people. I thought I was special, but I’m not. I’m trash you’re done with.”

“Damn,” he whispered, “the shit you think about yourself rips me apart.”

“What do you want?”

“I want my angel to understand I left on a job. I wasn’t leaving you. I figured you’d understand.”

“So it’s my fault?”

Judd let me go then glanced around. When his gaze returned to my face, I could see he was exhausted. He looked as wiped out as I felt.

“I fucked up, okay?” he said softly. “I’m not used to thinking about anyone’s feelings. I’m an idiot too. I couldn’t sleep for shit the whole time I was gone, but I didn’t know why. Couldn’t fucking figure it out until I saw some chick I used to hook up with. When she wanted to know if I was interested in going to her place, I said I had a woman. It was a fucking light bulb moment. Until then, I didn’t know what my problem was. Do you get it?”

Noticing the bus approaching from down the street, I shook my head.

“I missed having you next to me while I slept. I missed waking up with you there and knowing you were okay. I couldn’t figure it out until that damn moment. I know you think I’m older and have my shit together, but I don’t know anything about relationships or caring about someone like I care about you.”

I watched the bus get closer. “You’re tired. You should go home,” I told him. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“No,” he said, glancing at the bus then corralling me against his Harley, so I was pinned. “I can’t sleep and I need to sleep tonight. When Cooper found out I was coming back early, he decided I have to go to his meeting tomorrow. This thing is a big fucking deal. Not just to me, but to Cooper and Vaughn. I need to be sharp and I can’t be if I don’t sleep. If I’m not sharp, someone could get hurt. I need you to come home with me.”

“That’s not fair,” I whined. “You ditched me and ignored me, but I have to fuck you now or else people will die.”

“No,” he soothed in a tender voice. “Just come to my place. You look ready to drop and we can sleep. You can even have the bed. I just need you there, so I can get some rest.”