“So yes then?”
Nick sat next to me and grinned. “I know you’re sick and that’s not cool, but I’m glad I came over.”
“Me too. Will you stay?”
Nick glanced back at the door then focused on me. “I didn’t think to bring extra clothes. When I told Jodi that, she said she had sweats and shirts I could wear. They might even fit and I know I’ll like wearing baggy shirts again.”
I reached out and caressed his chest. “These don’t really fit you.”
“I’m cheap when it comes to buying clothes.”
“Maybe we can go shopping. I love buying stuff, but don’t need anything new.”
“I don’t need you to buy me clothes.”
Hearing edginess to his tone, I sniffled then coughed hard and long. By the time I stopped playing up the sick act, Nick looked concerned.
“Please, let me buy you clothes. It’ll be fun and give me something to look forward to.”
Nick nodded, but his eyes revealed how he was onto me. I grinned then snuggled closer.
“Do I look gross?” I asked, batting my lashes for him. “Am I disgusting?”
“You look beautiful and you know it too.”
“I’m insecure.”
“Based on what?”
“Based on the crazy in my head.”
“But you know you’re crazy which means you can’t really be crazy. People who are really crazy think they’re sane because the insanity makes sense to them. It’s the rest of us that seem nuts.”
“How do you know?”
“I had a neighbor with mental issues. I don’t know what exactly, but he often talked to me about how he saw the world. What sounded like madness to me made perfect sense to him,” he said, nuzzling my hair with his lips. “You seek out acceptance even when you have it. I’m not sure why, but you’re not crazy.”
“I worry I’ll lose what I want.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you lose something important before?”
“No.”
“Did you get more attention after Sawyer was born if you acted insecure?”
I squinted at him. “You think I’m faking it?”
“I think we get into habits and never know it. I don’t like people touching me,” he said, avoiding my gaze. “I never realized that until you. I wanted you for a long time then I was bothered to have you touch me. We have habits without knowing it until they slap us in the face.”
“So I can just stop being insecure?”
“You trained yourself to feel insecure. Train yourself to feel otherwise.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. I guess when you feel insecure, ask yourself why? Like when you believe I don’t think you’re beautiful, ask yourself why I wouldn’t? Ask if your feeling is based on anything? Would I really kiss all over you when you’re sick if I didn’t think you were beautiful? If that answer is no, then shove aside the insecurity and accept you’re beautiful.”
I bit my lip and thought about my next words. “Can you learn to like being touched?”
Nick hesitated before looking at me. “I’ll try for you.”
I drank half of the coffee then wondered about my breath. Catching myself getting insecure, I remembered Nick was drinking coffee too. When the feeling eased away, I grinned.
“I used that trick you suggested when I felt insecure about kissing you.”
Nick didn’t answer, instead pressing his lips against mine. I placed my hands on his chest and hoped he worked through his bad habit too. Instead, he jerked his body away even while his lips remained on mine.
Nick wanted me. I knew he did, so I didn’t let his reaction to my touch set off any negative feelings. He just had a bad habit and I needed to help him.
“I know I’m all funky with my stuffed nose, but I want to play around.”
“Play around?” he asked, immediately wary.
“You don’t like people touching you, so I want you to touch me.”
Frowning, Nick started thinking reasons to say no until I took off my shirt and he noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra.
“Be gentle,” I said, nervous even though I knew they looked great. “The new ones haven’t had a guy touch them before. You’re their first.”
Still ready to back off, Nick refused to look at my bare chest.
“How were you with all those other girls if you don’t like being touched?” I asked, taking his hand in mine and caressing it.
“It was always crappy sex at parties or in cars. Nothing real.”
“Do you like my new boobs?” I asked as his hands remained limp against them. “I’m curious if the nipples will be as sensitive after the surgery. Wanna help me find out?”
Nick gave me a pained expression. “I can’t do what you want.”
“I just want you to touch me,” I whispered, caressing his hands. “Touch me and make me feel good. I won’t expect anything more than for you to serve me as my sex slave.”
Nick finally smiled. “I wouldn’t mind exploring everything Bailey Fucking Johansson has to offer.”
“You can stay dressed while I get my sickie self naked.”