“You don’t know, Winnie.”
As my fingers caressed the palm of his hand, I needed to know he still wanted me. “I have a good family now. I go to therapy every week. I feel safe because of Dad and the Reapers. I try to be strong, but my instinct is always to run. When I get scared, I run. When I feel overwhelmed, I run. If I don’t know what to do, I run. With you, I feel all those things and I have to fight the urge to run because I don’t want to lose this chance with you.”
“I want you, Winnie,” he said with too much intensity. “I have liked girls before, but what I feel for you isn’t like that. It’s not attraction. It’s not anything I’ve felt before. Being patient is killing me. I feel like you’re mine and I just want to take you and make you mine. Fuck waiting, but that’s just the asshole in me talking.”
“You’re not an asshole and you’re very patient.”
“Trust me that I’m an asshole. I behave with you. Not lie exactly, but I keep my mouth in check like I don’t with other people. With most people, I don’t care if I piss them off or scare them. Maybe I should, but I don’t. With you, I need you to be happy, so I’m patient.”
I placed his hand against my cheek. Dylan immediately caressed my lips with his thumb.
“If you come over like this, we can talk alone and have more privacy. Would you be willing to do that this week, so we don’t need a chaperone?”
“I’ll jump through any hoop as long as I land next to you.”
I smiled and Dylan shared it.
“I was scared to tell you about the baby. I didn’t want you to think I was ruined.”
Dylan lost his smile. “If you knew how I saw you, you’d never worry about that. Like how you look at me and don’t see asshole, I don’t see the things you think. Though I am an asshole and you’re not ruined, but you know what I mean.”
“I’m going to hug you now. I feel a little weird and want to run, but I think hugging you will feel better.”
“Patience,” he whispered to himself as I leaned my body against him.
Relaxing to the sound of his rapid heartbeat, I smiled at how good his arms felt around me. Even knowing about the Vandals and Jonah, Dylan still wanted me. He saw me the way I wanted to be seen, rather than how I saw myself.
So despite the urge to run and shower, I wrapped my arms around Dylan. Desire terrified me, but with Dylan, I would learn to embrace it.
Chapter Ten ~ Dylan
Winnie was likely sporting a hickey on her neck, but her father’s irritation was worth it. I loved the noise she made when I sucked at the flesh. Something between a moan and a gasp, the sound remained in my thoughts all evening and the next morning.
I knew she was torn between desire and fear. As we’d kissed, Winnie both pushed me away with one hand while gripping my shirt with another. A few times, she yanked away and sat with a panicked expression on her beautiful face.
At first, I’d wanted to talk about her feelings. I also considered sitting in silence while she worked things out. Instead, I babbled about my favorite TV shows and what movies I liked as a kid. I shared a story about the biggest fish I’d ever caught and how I was hit by a car and broke my leg when I was ten. As I babbled as if nothing was wrong, Winnie had the time to deal with her fears. Soon, she’d relax and move closer.
Before I left, I noticed a few pictures on the wall of a boy at different ages. Winnie said the couple who adopted Jonah sent her a picture each month. She kept most in an album, but those were her favorites.
With sun bleached hair and icy blue eyes, the boy looked nothing like his birth mother. Yet in one of the newer pictures, Jonah gave the camera a shy smile that was all Winnie.
I couldn’t help thinking about Winnie as the mother of my children. I could imagine us together forever. No woman made me feel like Winnie and losing her wasn’t an option.
My mind was on her again when I heard a familiar voice from the doorway of Cooper’s office.
“It’s coming together,” the boss said, helping Farah step over a toolbox. “The place will be fucking perfect. I can do business here. It’ll be comfortable for you and the kids too.”
Farah glanced around, seeing the building in the half done mess it was. Cooper though was clearly visualizing the final product.
“How’s it going?” he asked, shaking my hand.
“I did the rewiring you wanted, but it’s put us behind by a few days.”
“Fair enough,” Cooper muttered. “Can I show Farah around?”
“You pay the bills.”
“Hell yeah, I do,” he said and Farah rolled her eyes. “Don’t mock my manliness, wife.”
“Your manliness is pressing down on my bladder right now, husband.”
Cooper focused on her baby bump, getting a weird possessive look that I suspected I would have one day. For now, I felt like I was witnessing a private moment.