“Shit!” He throws his hands up and walks over to the grill.
I laugh and turn back to enjoy the view while he grumbles behind me about me needing to keep my sexy fucking mouth closed.
We continue in a comfortable silence while he finishes up the grilling and I finish my reflecting. I follow his lead back into the house, plate the juicy steaks, baked potatoes, peppers, and onions, bringing them over to the bar and sit on the only pieces of furniture he owns in the kitchen. Barstools.
“Axel, you have got to see about getting some life in this house. Besides your bedroom—your lacking bedroom—the only things I have seen are these stools, your mammoth TV, and one recliner.” I point my fork at him after taking in a piece of this delicious steak. I moan over the succulent taste that explodes in my mouth before I’m able to continue. “You can’t buy a house this big without something to take up some space.”
I look up and meet his eyes after I notice the silence that follows my observations. Oops. Maybe I overstepped. I mean, this isn’t my house and it really isn’t my business. Blushing, I put my fork down and stare at my hands in my lap.
“Why are you doing that?” he questions.
“Doing what?” I hedge.
“Acting like you’re ashamed for asking something, even if you are being a nosy little brat.” His tone is light, teasing.
“I . . . I don’t know?”
“Can’t fool me with that question bullshit either, Izzy. You forget I know you. Might have been years since I’ve had you, but I know you.”
Sighing, I look up into his eyes. He doesn’t look mad, just confused. His gaze is searching. “It’s not something I do consciously. You have to understand, Axel. I can’t turn off years of conditioning. I have lived a certain way for so long that sometimes I just kind of fall back into the old me. Well, I mean the old me after you.”
“I can understand that, I can, but what I can’t understand is why you seem to be afraid of me sometimes. A lot has happened, but you know—you have to know—I would never fucking hurt you.”
“No, you wouldn’t hurt me physically. I know that,” I reply as I look back down at my hands.
“Izzy? What do you mean by that? Did we not decide that this is happening? I get you’re scared, but hear me, really hear me. I am NOT going to hurt you. There isn’t one goddamn thing that will tear us apart again. Lost too much time already, Princess. Too much time that I should have had you right here in my arms.” He reaches over and pulls me into his lap. He has one arm around my back and the other across my lap. He takes one of my hands in his own before continuing. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t miss this, right here. I spent so much time, so much fucking time, thinking you were happy, thinking that you were better off without me. God, baby . . .” He trails off and brings his hand up to cup my face, bringing my eyes level with his. “It’s killed me every day since you walked back into my life, knowing I could have done something to save you from that bastard.”
I’m beyond confused right now. What is he talking about? He thought I was happy? And like a bolt of lightning, it hits me.
“You knew where I was?” I ask, and I can’t stop the bite of anger that colors my tone.
“Not for a few years. I finally found you right after you had gotten married,” he says, and the pain in his eyes is heart stopping.
“What?” I whisper softy.
He brings his finger up and brushes it against my furrowed brow, sliding down the bridge of my nose and tracing along the line of my lips. He takes my chin in his strong hand, bringing my mouth closer to his, and places a soft kiss against me.
“Baby, I looked for you. Searched for you every single chance I had for almost four years. I followed every limited lead there was, but they never gave me anything to go on. Not a fucking thing. I know about your mom and dad, and baby, I know that was hard and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you through that, but why? Why didn’t you tell me where you were going? You have to know I would have come for you.”
This big strong man is letting me in, and letting me see the pain he has felt all these years ago. I can’t stop the tears even if I wanted to. I tried, lord I tried, but knowing the depths he went through to track me down washes through me and breaks what little thread of sanity I have left. My temper is set on a simmer now.