“Jesus, Dee.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Tell me, please.” Her pleading voice gives me the last push I need.
I tell her about the pain I suffered after Brandon’s final attack. How his attack clicked some switch inside of me. How it made me feel like I was drowning in the nightmare that he created. How I had no hope in my escape. I tell her all about my fight with depression, and concerning what the doctor has diagnosed as PTSD brought on by the attack. For a second, I think I need to stop, or fib a little and downplay how bad I got mentally, but I know that I need to get this all out in order to move on. She’s crying, sobbing, and gasping for air by the time I finish.
“My God, Dee!” She grabs me and pulls me in tight again, crying into the crook of my neck. “I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been so wrapped up with Axel, Nate, and life that I’ve been a terrible friend.”
“No, Iz. You haven’t been a terrible friend. You’ve just had other priorities, and I never blamed you, not once. Please, don’t think that. I didn’t tell you this to make you upset. I told you this because, without letting it out, I will never be able to move on. I want to move on. I’m ready to fight for my happiness now, and I couldn’t do that with this between us, even if you didn’t know it was there.” I’m so proud of myself for getting that out without a single tear. I hate seeing Izzy upset, but knowing that I’m strong enough to get through that, and to let her know how hard the last few years have been, gives me a feeling of peace that I didn’t have before. I’m one step closer to being healed, and it makes me feel like a whole new person.
“I don’t know how you can ever forgive me for not seeing how much pain you were in,” she whispers, staring off into the yard.
“Izzy, that’s easy. There isn’t anything to forgive. I love you.”
She gives me a smile, wipes her eyes again with her shirt, and reaches out to hug me again.
“Please, tell me there isn’t anything else?”
“There isn’t. I know it’s not easy to hear, but thank you for listening. You have no idea how scared I’ve been to tell you all of that.”
She leans up and gives me a weak smile. “Don’t keep things from me again. I understand where your head was in keeping that to yourself, but don’t do that again. You’re one of the most important people in my life, Dee, and I don’t ever want you to think there’s something you can’t tell me.”
“I know that now. It’s taken me a lot of really expensive doctor appointments to really understand that, though. I’m done hiding and keeping parts of myself from those that love me.”
We sit here silently for a while, just offering each other the strength that we need. I know she’s hurting, and there really isn’t anything I can do about it. She’s my best friend, my sister, and one of the most important people in my life. But this is something she has to take and process on her own, with the help of the husband that loves her, to get past it.
It’s a shock, and I know she’s going to be upset about this, understandably so, but I also know that our friendship is that much stronger, because there isn’t a single thing standing between us now.
She gets up to leave about an hour later and when I watch her drive off, I do it with the clarity that everything is going to be just fine.
CHAPTER 16
Dee
“Dee? Are you up there?” I smile and drop down further in the tub, enjoying the soothing effects the warm water is having on me. “Dee!” I can hear him panicking slightly when I don’t answer right away.
“I’m in the bathroom,” I yell through the crack in the doorway. I could let him wonder where I am, but I know he’s worried. It wasn’t easy to get him to leave this morning to begin with, so it would be cruel to make him search longer than he has.
He comes bursting through the door and skids to a stop when he sees me sitting in the bath, bubbles surrounding me. I give him a wide smile, and enjoy the fact that his body visibly shutters.
“Jesus Christ . . .” he mumbles under his breath.
“You found me.” I laugh when his eyes shoot up from where they’ve been staring at my chest. I make sure that I’m still covered under the bubbles before looking back at his face.
He clears his throat a few times and adjusts himself. I laugh when I see how much just being in this room is affecting him.
“Are you okay, Beck?” I ask, pushing myself up in the tub. He looks like he might pass out as my naked breasts clear the bubbles. My nipples harden instantly when I see the look of pure lust that comes over him.
“Dee, if you don’t want to start anything, then please cover yourself up.” His voice is just shy of begging.
My body heats up when I see the outline of his erection against his jeans. My mouth waters and I have to press my thighs together to keep from touching myself.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he pleads.