Conviction

I felt like I was melting. My insides were a hot molten mess, dissolving me from the inside out. I actually don’t remember the last time I’d kissed a woman full on the mouth. A lightning bolt of guilt shoots through my chest as I think about the way I’d conducted my life over the years. Threesomes, orgies, anything to make it less personal and none of it, not a single one of those weird, kinky, fucked up situations I’d been in before, could touch this moment.

I’ve watched an Australian supermodel getting eaten out by a Russian Princess while the Princess got fucked up the arse by Jet and I fucked the mouth of the model. It was the sort of situation many would pay money to watch, let alone be involved in, but it’d left me cold. I’d shot my load down the model’s throat and left the room feeling nothing but a sense of release from the need to come. But this, this moment right now, where I have Meebs’ small body crushed against mine, both of us fully clothed, my mouth gently caressing hers, my tongue slowly probing, seeking access, this is a moment I want to last forever. Right now, I would give back every sordid, sexual encounter of my life, in exchange for a moment like this every day.

She moves her hands from my shoulders and up into my hair, pulling my mouth down harder on hers as she opens and finally allows my tongue access.

I can’t hold back now. I move my hands to her arse, lift her up, turn and sit her on the handrail. Her legs are wrapped around my hips and I grind into the heat between her legs, gyrating my hips around and around, in between rocking into her. She breaks our kiss and throws her head back.

“Oh fuck, shit, God,” she moans. My dick feels like it’s going to split the seam of my jeans and hers. I make use of the way her head is tilted back and lick from the hollow of her throat, up her neck to just below her ear. Then kiss along her jaw all the way back to her mouth.

“Come to bed with me?” I speak while my lips are still on hers.

“No,” she pants.

“Why? I want you so fucking much.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Oh, I know you. I know you from the inside out, Nina Amoeba.” I drag my teeth along her jaw. “Every inch.” I lick from her throat, across her collar bone. “Every freckle.” I kiss her nose. “Every sigh.” I rock my hips into hers as I bite down on her lobe.

She pulls back and meets my gaze. Her lids look heavy like she’s struggling to keep them open. I’m not sure if it’s tiredness or lust that’s causing this, but judging by the way her cheeks are so beautifully flushed, I’ll go with the latter.

“I don’t know you. I know Conner, but I don’t know Reed.”

I kiss her gently on the mouth, just because I can, and because I need to.

“Reed’s gone. Reed stopped existing the second my lips touched yours.”

“You’re full of shit,” she almost moans as I drag my teeth over her earlobe again and bite down on the curve between her neck and her shoulder. She shudders and I swear to God, I’ve just shot a load off in my boxers.

I pull away so I can look into her eyes as I speak, “No bullshit, Meebs, not with you, not ever.” I push her blonde hair back from her face and run my thumb along her tattoo on the back of her neck.

“We made a baby together. You had my baby in your belly and my heart in your hands. I don’t know what happened, Meebs. I can’t even begin to get my head around what could’ve gone on. How we ended up apart that night.” I rest my forehead against hers. “One kiss, my lips brushing against yours and it’s all there, and I don’t think it’s a case of it all coming rushing back. What we had, it never went away. It’s always been there. It’s stayed with both of us. We’ve carried it around all this time and all it would’ve taken was for one of us to reach out. One of us to make contact.” When I look down, I can see tears hanging from her lashes.

“It’s so unfair, Con. All these years, we could’ve been making a life together. We should’ve been together, not apart, miserable and lonely.”

I kiss the tears from each of her eyes. “Please don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but I’m so fucking angry, Con. Like, raging angry. To the point where I want to cause somebody harm.”

I smile at that thought. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as gentle as Meebs.

“Don’t look at me like that. I go to boxercise now, have done for years. I can throw a blinding right hook,” she says in all seriousness. I try not to laugh.

“I’d like to see that some time.”

The buzzer sounds for the intercom at the gate.

“That must be Josh and Sophie,” I tell her.

“Perhaps you’ll get to see my right hook sooner than you think,” she comments while following me into the house.





I press the button that activates the electronic gates and then go and open the front door, leaning against the frame while watching a black cab wind its way up my drive. The wheels haven’t even stopped turning before Sophie jumps out.

“What’s going on, Reed? Where the fuck’s Nina? I’ve been ringing and ringing her phone. If you’ve hurt or upset her, you fucker.” Sophie’s long-legged stride bounds up the steps to my front door.