You know that thing that always gets written in books, about not letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding? Well, I actually do that. I let it out long and slow. Feeling my heart beat rapidly in my chest and throat.
“I’ve spent fifteen years trying to get over you, Con. Eight of them married to a man that I didn’t love, just because he was a safe option. If I didn’t love him, then he couldn’t hurt me like you did.” I finally turn and look at him. He’s leaning back on the handrail, his arms crossed and folded over his chest. I let my eyes roam over his handsome face and down to the hollow of his throat where a few wispy chest hairs stick out from the V of his T-shirt.
It’s too much. He’s too fucking hot. Too sexy. What I’m feeling, what he’s stirred inside of me, it’s all too much.
I close my eyes and look away before continuing, “It wouldn’t matter if he left me like you did.”
“That’s not fair, Meebs. I never fucking left you.”
I turn and once again look into those stunning eyes of his. Fuck! I wish he was ugly and a complete arsehole. This would all be so much easier.
“I know that now.”
He reaches out and pulls me to stand between his legs. Leaning his head down, he kisses my forehead.
“I loved you so much, Meebs, I would never have left you. I hate that you thought for a moment that I did.”
Hearing him say that, after all these years should bring me peace, but I actually feel anger bubbling away in my belly.
His hand travels to the back of my neck, he lifts my hair up and runs his fingers along my spine, to my hairline. I shiver.
“What does your ink say?” How the fuck does he know I have a tattoo there? Even my parents don’t know. “How’d you know about my tatt?”
He pulls away so that he can look me in the eye and I get the shy smile of my Conner again.
“When you were standing up at the bar with Sophie earlier, I was… I noticed you. I mean, I didn’t know it was you, but I was—”
“Looking at my arse.”
He gives me possibly the sexiest smile that’s ever been bestowed upon a woman, in the history of mankind, or womankind. I sway slightly on my feet, but manage to keep my eyes open, just so I don’t miss a second of it.
“Yeah, how’d you know?”
I shrug. “You’ve always had a thing for my arse.” He turns up the volume on the smile and any resolve I have left dissolves, puddles, right at my feet and then just evaporates like it never existed at all.
“I’ve always had a thing for you, period.”
“Have you?” I want to smile and not a little smile either. A big fat cheesy grin kind of smile.
“Since you were five-years-old. Since the very first day you set foot on the playground of St. Mary’s Catholic Primary School. I thought you were an angel or a fairy.”
Warmth spreads from my heart, my cheeks and my toes until my whole body feels like it’s glowing. I can’t help but smile up at him now, my cheeks ache too much from trying to hold it at bay. This all feels too easy. It feels natural… right.
“What’s it say, the ink?”
My smile fades. “It’s just a date.”
“A date?”
I nod my head.
“What date?” he asks.
I look up at the sky and then back into his eyes. “It’s the date of the worst day of my life.” My nose stings and I fight to keep my lip from trembling. “It’s the date that I lost our baby and the date that I lost you.”
He brushes a tear away from my cheek with his thumb and I don’t even flinch. The familiarity of his touch overwhelms me. So many emotions jumble together, fighting their way to the surface. Between them and the lack of sleep, my legs start to buckle and I sway.
Conner pulls me toward him, his arms wrap tightly around my back and he kisses my neck. There’s no space between our bodies. He brings his mouth level with mine. His eyes are open and searching my face as his lips meet mine. They’re unfamiliar for just a split second, then almost instantly it’s like a spark to a fuse that ignites a memory.
Home.
His touch.
His smell.
His taste.
It’s what’s been missing from my life for so long and now, finally, I feel like I’m home.
Conner
Human contact. It’s such a simple thing. Something that so many people take for granted and it’s not until you’ve been without it for an extended period of time that you realise how much you’ve missed it.