“Not yours,” Drake says. “Noelle’s grandmother is the dubiously proud owner of a green parrot with a potty mouth, and he’s escaped.”
Calvin tilts his head, smiling slightly. “Does this parrot speak like a pirate?”
“Yes!” I say a little too loud. “Have you seen him?”
“Sure have. He’s out the back. Got here just before y’all did. Follow me.” He nods toward the back, and we follow him. “It’s the third time he’s been here this week. Reckon he’s taken a liking to my lady back here.”
“The third time?” Drake questions.
“Sure. He was here two days ago, and again at the weekend.” Calvin nods. “He flies in through this here back window, stays a while, then goes off. I wondered what he was doing, and I tried to get him in a cage, but he wouldn’t let me.”
“That sounds like Gio,” I mutter.
“He’s a lively one.”
“He’s something all right.”
Calvin chuckles. “There he is, right next to my lady, Dora.”
Dora? What kind of a name is that for a parrot?
“Gio!” I scold him. “What are you doing here?”
He squawks. “Filthy wench! Off with yer head!”
Well, that’s new.
“Are we British royalty now, Gio?” Drake asks.
Calvin moves to shut the window, laughing quietly.
“King Gio!” Another squawk.
Why…Where the hell did he hear that?
“Come on. You’re coming home. Nonna is going crazy.”
He bristles, flapping his wings. He flies up and perches on a cage with Dora in.
Calvin grimaces. “I don’t think he’ll leave without her.”
Drake looks at me.
I step back and shake my head. “No. No. Fuck no, absolutely not. She does not need another parrot!”
“But he loves her,” Drake reasons.
“No. He’s a parrot. They don’t fall in love. Absolutely not, Drake.”
Gio whistles, moving swiftly into an off-key rendition of what is, in all probability, a commercial tune. It’s freaking miserable, and I cannot believe I’m standing in the back room of a pet store I never knew existed, arguing over whether or not Gio is in love.
The bell rings, and Calvin excuses himself to go back to the front of the store.
“Come on, Noelle.” Drake positions himself in front of me. “We have Gio. It sounds like he’s been sneaking out of the house—”
“Yeah, how exactly?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll be talking to Nonna about security,” he says. “Still, it sounds like he’s going to keep on coming back to see Dora.”
“Which is a stupid name for a bird.”
“Completely agree. I can’t help but picture that stupid little cartoon explorer Less won’t take her eyes off.” He runs his hand through his hair. “It’s Nonna’s birthday in a month. It can be her early birthday present. Let’s just buy Dora and take Gio home, okay?”
“No, it’s not okay.” I pout, crossing my arms. “But I don’t suppose I have much of a choice.”
“Good answer.” He kisses my forehead and moves to the door.
“But when Mom freaks out about it, I’m blaming it on you entirely.”
Drake sighs and pushes the door open. “I’ll take it.”
Five
“I’m going to kill you,” Mom says, staring Drake in the eye. “Slowly, painfully, and thoroughly.”
He looks at me. “That’s where you get it from.”
I pick up Alessia and shrug. “I warned you. I didn’t want to bring one bird back, let alone two.”
“I cannot believe you would do this to me,” Mom goes on. “After all I’ve done for you. I was on your side when you were dating, and Noelle was being unreasonable—”
“Hey!” I reach down and stroke Antonio’s head as he grabs at my leg. “I was not unreasonable!”
Drake shoots me a withering look.
“And all the other things in between, and you bring the crazy woman another goddamn parrot!” Mom finishes.
“Okay, in my defense—”
“You do not have a defense! This is indefensible!” Mom wiggles her finger at him. “In. De. Fen. Si. Bull!”
Drake takes a step back. “Point taken. I understand. I’m a terrible son-in-law. Expect flowers tomorrow.”
I laugh, sitting on the sofa so Antonio can climb up onto me, too.
Mom crosses her arms. “I also accept wine and chocolate as bribes.”
“Duly noted.” Drake nods.
“Ah, she is-a perfect, no?” Nonna says, ambling into the living room, carrying both Gio and Dora’s little cages. “No-a wonder he-a loves her. She is-a bella. They will-a make-a bella babies.”
Mom’s eyes widen into saucers. Total deer-in-headlights look.
Drake leans into her and whispers, “How does a day at the spa sound?”
Mom turns her head to him. “Make it two and I won’t poison you at dinner on Friday.”
“Done.”
Drake props his head up on his hand and looks down at me. “Do you think Gio can still have babies? Isn’t he old now?”
“I don’t know. How long do parrots live?” I ask, adjusting the covers over me. “I guess that constitutes whether or not he’s old.”
“I don’t know, and quite honestly, I’ve fucking had it with parrots. Not only did I manage to double them in the family, but it’s costing me around three hundred bucks.”
“I told you. You’re paying the price of pissing off Mom. Even you should know better than that by now.” I tap his nose.
“Whatever. It’s made better knowing that I won.”
“Won? What did you win?”
“Finding Gio.”
I sit up and stare at him. “How did you win?”
“I saw him first. On the table outside the café. I found him. Therefore, I win.” He grins smugly.
“Well, if you wanna use that logic, me and Bek found him first.”
“But you didn’t, did you, honey? You saw a green flash that may or may not have been Gio, and you couldn’t find him once you saw him.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever. We didn’t shake on it.”
“Oh, but if you’d found him, you would have totally won.”
“Well, yeah. I make the rules.”
Drake sweeps one arm around me and pins me down to the bed. He leans over me, eyes piercing into me. “I won, and you just have to deal with it.”
“I refuse to accept the result.”
“How about I make it up to you?”
“And how do you think you’re going to do that?”
He dips his head and kisses the side of my neck. “Like this.” He kisses down my neck and over my collarbone. “And this…”
Down.
Down.
Down.
His mouth moves further down until his lips are ghosting over the curve of my breasts.
Okay. I can take this kind of making up.
I wind my fingers in his hair and pull him up, bringing his mouth to mine. He kisses me slowly, teasing me by tugging my bottom lip between his teeth. Shivers shoot down my spine, and—
Crying.
Drake drops his forehead on the pillow next to me with a heavy sigh, whereas all I can do is laugh.
“I’m on it,” he groans. He gets out of bed and adjusts his boxers over his cock, and that only makes me laugh a little harder. “Don’t laugh. I’ll be back to finish that,” he says, right as the sound of a second cry joining the first sounds. “Ah, shit.”
I sigh and get up, too. “See? You just had to get cocky, didn’t you?”
Pre-order FOUR DAY FLING now! An epically awkward romantic comedy coming July 24th. Visit www.emmahart.org/four-day-fling for all retailer links!
About the Author
Emma Hart is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of over thirty novels and has been translated into several different languages.
She is a mother, wife, lover of wine, Pink Goddess, and valiant rescuer of wild baby hedgehogs.
Emma prides herself on her realistic, snarky smut, with comebacks that would make a PMS-ing teenage girl proud.
Yes, really. She's that sarcastic.
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Also by Emma Hart
Standalones: Blind Date Being Brooke Catching Carly Casanova Mixed Up
Miss Fix-It Miss Mechanic The Upside to Being Single The Hook-Up Experiment The Dating Experiment Four Day Fling (coming July 24th) Hot Mess (coming September 25th) Tequila, Tequila (coming November 13th)
* * *
The Vegas Nights series: Sin Lust
Stripped series: Stripped Bare
Stripped Down
The Burke Brothers:
Dirty Secret Dirty Past
Dirty Lies
Dirty Tricks Dirty Little Rendezvous