I don’t want to be here. This damn party is dragging I texted Dani, but she’s not answering. I was really hoping she’d show up tonight. It kind of pisses me off that she’s not willing to be here. I look around the party and Nicole is sitting in Dragon’s lap, Nikki is sitting in Freak’s, Hawk and some of the other boys have Twinkies. Frog is talking to some blonde, I can’t remember seeing around here before. Bull has Bambi in his lap and you can tell they’re not far off from finding a room. Shit everyone is paired off but me. Trouble is, I don’t want what is here for the taking. The past few weeks with Dani have been the best in my life. I want more of it—more of her. I can’t force her though and I sure as hell ain’t going to chase a bitch to give her my dick.
I’m being a jerk. Truth is, I’m two small steps away from being drunk. Today was fucked up. We ended a life today. We ended the life of a brother today. Yes, the brother was a traitor, he fucked us over. Yes, he was a waste of air, but still a party for any reason seems the wrong thing to do tonight. I keep remembering his eyes when he told us to go fuck ourselves. Eyes of a man I fought alongside of for years, eyes of a man I thought of as blood…hating and mocking me—all of us. That’s bitter shit. So the fact that Dani isn’t here, is just icing on top of the fucking cake.
I take another swig and sigh heavily. Fuck it, I should just get out of here. Hop on my bike and head out somewhere maybe find some strange…
“What’s up, Bro? You doing okay after today?” Gunner interrupts my thoughts, as he sits down at my table.
“Fucked up day,” I answer taking another drink—this time emptying the glass, save for the ice, which is a waste of space, but for some reason Nailer thinks I drink on the rocks. I’ve never corrected him. Shit. I feel like I’m on the rocks, so I guess it fits.
“Amen,” Gunner says looking out over the crew. “All the brothers seem to be getting their dick sewn up. I guess you’ll be next.”
“Don’t see that happening,” I answer honestly. I mean I can’t even get her to come here to the party. I guess I was taking whatever this is between us to mean more than it did. I feel like a damned pussy. Shit, I’m acting like one.
“Really? You and that Dani chick seem pretty fucking tight. You’re there every night.”
The man is starting to piss me off. Nosey-ass fucker.
“It’s a job. I’m there until Dragon calls me off of it.” Lie. Dragon told me I could come back to the club after Irish was questioned the second time. I’m there because I want to be.
“Damn though man it’s been a month, and well after today the shit is finished. I mean, hell you’re there all the time. No down time, that’s kind of shitty. Plus, that’s a long time to go without pussy—especially for you and I know you ain’t getting shit from the Ice Maiden.
There’s that fucking nickname again. Some people are just fuckin’ clueless. There’s not a damn thing cold about Dani. I love everything about that woman…except for the fucking fact she doesn’t want anything from me but my dick.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t getting laid,” I answer and wish I could take the words back. I’m holding another glass of whiskey, that I don’t even remember pouring, watching the amber liquid swirl around. Yeah, I’m pretty fucking drunk, there’s no two steps away from it now.
“Fuck! You made it in with the Ice Maiden? Damn you are the King of Pussy. I bow to you, man. I didn’t think they’d make a dick around here she’d look at. Though I guess threesomes are her thing if you go by that night at the movies and we all know that’s your specialty.”
Specialty? He makes me sound like a damned porn star. Worse, I don’t want to be reminded of that night. I don’t want to remember that she chose to leave that night with another man…fuck two men, when I asked her not too. Hell, I really have been deluding myself. What the fuck have I been thinking? She even told me she was just using me for my dick. I finish the rest of my new drink in one long swallow.
“You need to share man! Hook a brother up. I don’t care to tag team her. Hell, I’d love to tap that. Damn, I’d love to have her mouth wrapped around my cock.”
His words, just twenty minutes before, would have got his ass knocked out. Hell, I would have done it even ten minutes before. Now? Now, I remember she’s not here. I remember that she asked to use my cock and my cock only. I remember she chose that bastard in Skull’s crew over me and finally I remember I’m speaking out of my ass, that she won’t suck my damned cock. So, what I say next is pure bullshit and I don’t mean a bit of it. I shouldn’t even say it—but I do.
“Yeah, she’s good. Sucks me like I’m a Popsicle on an Arizona summer day. Best head I’ve ever had.”