“My life is full of them. At least this one isn’t holding a gun on me,” I tell him before I can stop myself, then let Beast lead me away.
They decide not to go to the club after all the excitement. I’m glad. The world is buzzing around me and I can’t seem to grasp it. My stomach is in knots. I keep thinking back to Crusher and our last exchange. What is it about that man that makes me…want? That’s it really. He makes me want and for someone who has never even looked at a man in that way? It’s terrifying.
I go with Beast to Skull’s compound without talking. Right now I need three things. Nicole, safe. Michael, dead. Me, somewhere warm with my toes in the sand, far away from anything and anyone. I doubt Beast can make that happen, but he’s big, he’s warm and he’s looking out for me. That’s more than I’ve ever had.
When we get inside, he leads me back into a small room with a bed and a dresser in it. I look at the room a little lost. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to stop my body from shaking. Tiny comes to the door, but Beast stops him.
“Hey man! I thought we were going to party! The bitch has been begging for it all night. Surely you’re going to share.”
“Go find one of the club girls, I’m flying solo with this one tonight,” he says and I pull myself up to a sitting position on the bed and hug my knees. I thought I wanted sex and I know Beast has been nice to me and all, but I don’t think I can do it. Shit. I don’t have a contingency plan either. I always do, I always have some way to extract myself out of any situation. I didn’t tonight and I have no idea what I’m going to do.
“She’s mine tonight. Now get the fuck out of here, so I can get my cock sucked on for the first time in a year.”
“Hey okay man, I get you dog, you want some privacy for your first time since your old lady. I get it, but tomorrow you’re going to have to share, because that’s some sweet ass in there and I want to tap it.”
Beast closes the door—more like slams it on Tiny and while I’m glad about that, I have no idea what to do here.
“Listen…I know I offered and everything, but I’ve been thinking…”
“Relax Hummingbird, I ain’t about to give you my dick.”
I freeze. I mean that’s good, but still, shit could he at least act like he’s tempted?
“Hummingbird?” I ask putting my head down against my knees wishing the room would stop spinning.
“If there was ever a woman with a broken wing, it’d be you.”
Well, he has me pegged.
“I’m sorry about your family.”
“Life’s fucked up,” he says, staring off into space.
“Amen.”
He turns back around and looks at me.
“Do yourself a favor hummingbird, drink yourself to sleep tonight and then get the hell out of here in the morning. This life ain’t for you.”
“I’ve never really had a life,” I say, taking a bottle of Jack he hands me from his dresser. I take a drink, wincing at the burn and pass it back to him. He sits down and we pass the bottle back and forth for what seems like hours, not talking.
When it’s empty I lay back on a pillow and Beast lays beside me. He makes no move to touch me and as odd as it sounds, this is the best night of my life. Lying in bed with a complete stranger drunk as a skunk is calm, relaxing, and wonderful. Of course maybe I just feel relaxed because I am drunk. Who knows?
“How long were you and your woman together?”
“Not long. Should have never knocked her up, but it happened and I wanted our child more than anything. Annabelle was all that was good in the world. Without her the place is just cold and dark.”
My heart turns over for Beast and the loss he has to have suffered. My hand goes to my stomach and I rub it absently.
“I can never have a child,” I whisper, my words slurring.
“Sorry, hummingbird.”
“The world is fucked up,” I say staring off in the darkness, ignoring the tears sliding silently down my face.
“Amen.” Beast says.
“Can I hide out here for a couple days?” I ask, before I can talk myself out of it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt safe like I do around Beast.
“You can’t run away forever hummingbird,” he says and he doesn’t know he just whispered the words I fear the most.
“I just need to catch my breath,” I whisper.
“Then breathe, I’ll make sure the demons stay away until you can fight them,” he vows, and I suddenly wish with everything I have that he was Crusher. It physically hurts that he isn’t.
In a little while, I hear Beast snore and I know he’s sleeping. I’m close to going there myself, I’m just fighting it. The nightmares are always waiting for me. Michael is always there, I hate sleep. Just as my eyes close, Beast curls into me and hugs me close. I let him and his warmth soothes me. I hope it’s enough to keep the nightmares at bay. I surrender to sleep and it’s not Michael’s face I see first in my dreams. It’s Crusher’s.
Chapter 4
Crusher