It’s water under the bridge now however, because Dragon has made it in with my girl and they’re going at it like rabbits. Bright side, she is happy. Hell, she seems ecstatic and even though inside I’m screaming don’t do this—a part of me is glad for her. I wonder if I let loose and get laid, if I would be giddy. Is that what it takes to be normal? Would that stop the nightmares and the visions that drag me into hell every night? If I had someone strong around, would he be able to keep the ghost of Michael away? Would someone strong be able to protect me from Michael if he found me? A picture of Dragon’s friend, Crusher, comes to mind, the semi-cowboy from the gas station. I instantly shut that forbidden thought down. I am being weak for even thinking that. Dani should be able to stand on her own two feet. I can’t afford to be weak like Melinda. I’m not her anymore. I can’t be her.
Dragon is taking Nic upstairs for another round, when the doorbell rings. I go to the door trying to ignore the way my heart picks up speed and fear swamps me. I look carefully out the window and though I’m freaking ecstatic my past isn’t catching up with me, the fact that it’s Crusher at the door, does not fill me with joy. He hangs around the club where I work, but I’ve been doing my best to avoid him. He’s danger. He makes me want things that I shouldn’t want. The way he watches me sometimes…it excites me and that terrifies me.
“Stud,” I say, leaning on the front door and looking at Crusher through the screen. His eyes rake over me and warms me. No, they burn me. Still, I do my best to appear unaffected.
“You gonna let me in, darlin’?”
“Haven’t decided.”
“You’re looking damn good tonight and as much as I’d love to just stand here and enjoy the view, I need to talk to my boy,” he says and I begin to notice he’s more tense than normal.
I stand back so he can come in, trying to ignore the way being next to him sends electricity through my body. I’ve never been attracted to a man before—not like this. I had boyfriends before Michael came along, but nothing serious and after Michael…well…I’m surprised I even want to look at a man. That’s why Crusher is dangerous.
“That right there,” Crusher says, and I look up at him in confusion.
“What?”
“When you get that look in your eyes, I want to pull you in my arms and kiss you until it leaves.”
“You’ve barely seen me. You might save that line for a woman who will buy it. It’s a good one,” I respond, turning my back on him. It is a good line. Too good, because I wish he could do that. I instinctively know that Crusher would do more damage than any man before or after him, if he hurt me. When you have my scars, that’s saying something. It’s just not worth the risk.
“Believe me gorgeous, I’ve seen you and I’m not going to give up until you let me all the way in.”
My breath stops. I know it’s a game for him, a chase. Just once though, I think I might like a man to look at me and see the real me. I don’t think anyone has, except maybe Ray. I even manage to keep most of my shit hidden from Nic. I do wonder what Crusher would think of the real me. It doesn’t matter. Crusher makes me weak. I can’t be weak again. I have to get rid of him. I have to find some reason to make him leave me alone so I am off his radar. The thought makes me sad.
“Hey D-Man, you got company!” I call out, trying to ignore the way my palms are sweating. I definitely need to medicate, if I’m going to survive tonight.
“Yo! Dragon, we got trouble man,” Crusher adds, as Nicole and Dragon come down the stairs. Dragon is carrying Nicole yet again, the man sure seems to like to cart her around.
“I can walk you know.” Nicole grumbles, but the flush on her face tells me that she likes his attention.
Dragon waits until they get to the bottom of the stairs to let her down. Then he takes her by the hand, walking over to where we’re standing. It’s as if he can’t stand to be away from her touch.
“Sorry man, didn’t mean to interrupt. Hey Darlin’,” Crush tells Nicole. I can’t help but notice how he takes in every detail of Nicole’s body, and my stomach turns. This is just another reason why I can’t even contemplate letting Crusher anywhere near me. He’s eye fucking Nicole, after feeding me lines about wanting me.
He’s wearing a black muscle shirt and showing off his gorgeous ink. He really is too beautiful to believe. Nicole and Dragon start bickering and it pulls my attention away from Crusher, which is good—since he’s still panting after Nicole.
“Hey,” Nicole mutters, as Dragon yanks her to his side.
“Quit checking Crush out before I have to kill him,” Dragon complains.
I listen to Dragon’s words and I can’t help but be annoyed with all three of them. I walk off into the kitchen pretending to be uninterested. In reality it’s time I take some pills.
“Hey boss? Man, we got shit going on. Need you out at Pussy’s now.”
“OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE A PLACE CALLED PUSSY’S!?!?!?!”
“It’s a strip joint. That’s where I was a couple nights ago, Nic. Some hot looking women there.” I supply without looking over my shoulder.
“Of course it’s a strip joint! Dear Lord, I bet you even picked out the name, didn’t you, Dragon?”
“Shut it, Mama.”
I tune them out after that. Those two fuss, fight, and then fuck. I’ve only seen it up close twice, but I know the drill.