*
Eventually I must have drifted off, because when the alarm finally went off I was jerked out of my dreamless sleep. I could feel Mark stumbling around for the snooze button, and I moaned and shoved my head back into the pillow. I didn’t know how long I’d been sleeping for, but I knew it wasn’t nearly long enough. This was going to be a long day.
Ten minutes later the shrill cry of the alarm went off once more and we both dragged ourselves out of bed.
“You look terrible,” I joked, stifling a yawn.
“You’re still beautiful, even with dark rings under your eyes,” Mark replied, sticking his tongue out at me, and I laughed.
A hot shower did us both some good, and we packed up our things, ready to go. Ten minutes later we were speeding towards the airport, the limo driver stopping for coffee at Mark’s request. We sipped our drinks in silence.
“So, what do we do from here?” I finally asked.
“Well, it depends. For one thing, we might get to the plane and find out my father has requisitioned it, in which case we’ll have to fly commercial back to San Diego. That would also be a pretty good indication that I don’t have a job waiting for me there anymore. I might not have an inheritance, either.”
“Well, whatever happens, we’ll get through it. It might even be a good thing, getting away from working in your father’s company. Even if it costs you the money, no amount of money in the world is worth destroying your mental health for.”
Mark smiled at me.
“I guess that means you’re not going to break up with me if it turns out I’m not super rich anymore?”
“Of course not! I’m not only in this relationship for the money,” I teased.
“Thanks, Caroline. I do really appreciate that. I wouldn’t have expected you to be like some of my exes, who would have dropped me in an instant if I didn’t have money, but it’s still good to confirm it.”
“No problem.”
Just then we pulled up to the hangar, where the plane was ready for us. We climbed in, and three minutes later were taxiing towards the runway.
“Well, this is a good sign, at least,” I said as we took off. “You’re still allowed to use the company plane!”
Mark nodded, then took out his laptop.
“I’m going to try and get some work done, I think. It helps to take my mind off things. And after all, I’m not fired yet.”
While Mark worked I got a few more hours sleep, and we finally landed in San Diego five hours later.
Over the next few weeks I began to realize that not all was right with Mark. He hadn’t quite been the same since New York. He was working less on the business and more on the charity, which I knew made him feel better. I could tell he was hurting inside, I could tell that even though he seemed fine on the outside, there was something inside that was bothering him.
When we went out one night, eating pizza at a small eatery downtown, I finally asked Mark about it.
“Look, I know there’s something wrong. I know you’ve been through a lot, but it hurts me to know that you’re hurting inside and not seeing anyone about it, not talking to anyone about it.”
Mark stopped for a minute, pausing before he finally answered.
“You’re right,” he finally replied, sighing. “I’ve been trying to hide it, I didn’t realize I was actually so obvious that it was that noticeable, but I’m definitely not over this whole family thing.”
“Of course you’re not, that’s completely normal.”
“It’s funny, though. I mean, it actually relieved an enormous amount of stress when I finally confronted my parents. Like, all the words I thought to myself in my head during my childhood, all those times I wanted to say something but didn’t have the guts to, confronting him finally made all the stress of never saying those words go away.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s like you finally said everything you ever wanted to say, right?”
“Exactly. I thought life would be pretty much perfect once I finally did it. I always thought I’d cut those ties, I wouldn’t care about it anymore, and I’d be able to move on, to live my life happily.”
“And you can’t?” I asked softly. This part I didn’t understand. I had left, and never looked back.
“Yeah.” Mark paused for a little bit, idly breaking one of the pizza crusts on the edge of his plate up with his fingers. Then, he spoke again.
“It’s weird. I thought it’d be so much better, but I feel empty. They might have been shit parents, but they were still my family. And now I don’t even really feel like I can go to Sam, I feel so guilty about leaving her in the middle of things, to deal with my parents, so it’s like I’ve lost my whole family. No matter how terrible they might have been, you always learn that you’re supposed to be good to your family, you know? Then I feel bad and start hating myself for not being able to break away from it all.”