"I'm not hungry anymore. Just talk."
"I'm sorry about last night. And this morning. And for pounding on your door. And for insinuating you were ’sucking him off.’ I'm appalled with your dirty language, by the way." He tries to tease, and to some degree it works. I can feel the corner of my lip twitch. "Damn, I really do have a lot of apologizing to do," he says, shaking his head. "Where do you want me to start?" He walks over to the couch, sitting down on the edge. He doesn't bother to lean back or get comfortable.
"Where's Sarah now?" My question must surprise him because it takes him a second to answer.
"At her apartment."
"You should go be with her."
"What? Jess, no!" he says, flying back to his feet.
"No, I don't mean it like that. I just mean, she isn't exactly stable. I would hate for you to be over here, and her do something to hurt herself. We can talk on the phone later, or maybe one day next week."
"God, I'm such an asshole. After everything that's happened, here you are worried about Sarah." He walks over, knocking me off balance and pulling me hard into his chest.
I have no choice, but to let him hold me. It only takes a few seconds for me to melt into him. No matter how much I want to fight it, being in Brett's arms just feels right. He holds me whispering heartfelt apologies into my hair. I'd pull away on pure principle alone, but I can tell by his slight rocking and content breathing, he needs this. It's strictly for him though. I don't love every single second of it. A tear definitely does not slide down my face at how perfect this feels. I absolutely don't send up a prayer for this to never end. That would be stupid after all the crap that we have been through. Yet, I do it all anyway.
"Ask me anything," he says as I reach between us to wipe away my stray tear. "Jess, I don't know what she said to you, but I do know the truth. I'm an open book. Don't let anything fester in that beautiful mind of yours. Please just ask it. No matter how small it is, I want to give you the answer."
"Okay," I say not yet releasing him. I'm needy for this connection too. I've been in an emotional upheaval for days now. I just want someone lean on even if it isn't real. Caleb was great company, but with the exception of the hug when he left, he didn't touch me at all. Besides, there is just something special about the way Brett holds me. It makes me believe he would never let me struggle. It makes me feel safe. Too bad it's a load of crap. He made me feel anything but safe today. He abandoned me...for his mentally injured wife. Great. When I think about it like that, maybe I'm the jerk in this situation.
"Is Sarah alone right now?" I ask.
"No, I hired a nurse to sit with her. I gave her some meds, so she’s most likely still asleep. The sitter has my number. She'll call if she needs anything."
"Oh, um...okay."
"Don't let it stew Jess. Ask it. I can see in your eyes that you have a million questions for me."
"Did you sleep with her on Tuesday?"
"No!" he shouts, notably curious why I asked this question. "Damn it, what did she tell you?" I just shake my head not wanting to rehash the morning. I've already gotten most of these answers from Caleb, but I have to hear the important ones come from his mouth.
"When was the last time you were...uh, with her?"
"The wreck was in April of 2009. That was the last time I was with anyone," he answers frankly, shocking me. The idea of sexy detective Brett Sharp remaining untouched for over four years is unbelievable to me. I don't want to pry or make him uncomfortable, but I need to make sure I heard him correctly.
"No one?"
"No one but you, babe," he confirms. He pulls away and walks back to the couch. I start to sit in the chair, but he catches me first. "No babe, sit with me. I need you to feel that I'm telling the truth. I don't want there to be any doubts about this stuff." He drags me into his lap, but doesn't wrap me in his strong arms like he usually does. Instead, he throws both arms out to the side and over the back of the couch, physically and emotionally opening himself up to me. He's giving me my space to think, but still keeping us connected.
"How do you feel about Sarah?" I can't bring myself to come right out and ask him if he still loves her.