"Thank you, Detective," I said. "I'm so glad this is all over."
He left, and Ash kissed my forehead. "Catelyn, I need to tell you something. I—" We were interrupted by Professor Cavin, who came bearing yellow roses, my mother's favorites.
He set the roses by my bed. "Catelyn, it's good to see you awake."
"I'm sorry I've missed class."
He waved my apology away. "That can wait."
"Professor, when Lucky was about to… torture me, he kept asking about the other book my mom was going to write. Why would it be so important to him?"
Cavin rested his chin on his chest. "I already gave my statement to the police, so it couldn’t hurt to tell you." He looked up at me, a sadness in his eyes. "She made me promise not to tell anyone, even if something happened to her. She said it would put you in danger, so I respected her wishes, even back then. But it's time to talk about it. Your mother was obsessed with researching and understanding sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies and how they presented in many top entrepreneurs and CEOs in big businesses with statistically higher numbers than the general population."
A shiver crept up my back. "That's nothing new."
"Except," he said, pausing, "she planned on outing high-profile, wealthy businessmen who she believed were sociopaths. And who, she believed, had criminal and dangerous tendencies. She would have destroyed their lives, if her book had been published. One person in particular, would have lost everything."
"Who?"
"She never shared that, I'm afraid. But… a few days before she died, she told me she was close to discovering the identity of the Midnight Murderer. I believe he was the one."
"And you didn't tell the police?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"It wouldn’t have made a difference. No one could find her research, and she never told another living soul who she was writing about."
A nurse popped her head in. "You have another visitor, Miss Travis, but you can only have two in here at a time."
Professor Cavin stood. "Once again, I'm sorry I kept this from you. We can talk more later when you're feeling better."
He left the room and Bridgette came in, smiling when she saw me. "You're never allowed to be kidnapped again," she said.
She hugged me, and I released Ash's hand to hug her back.
Looking between the two of us, she raised an eyebrow. "Have you two finally worked out your shit?"
Ash clutched my hand again in response.
Bridgette gave me a knowing look, and I shook my head slightly. I hadn't told him about Cat.
With a twinkle in her eye, she backed out of the room. "I'm going to grab some coffee. You must be dying from caffeine withdrawal," she said.
"I am. Thanks!"
Ash frowned. "I don't think they'll let you have coffee yet. You haven't eaten in a week."
"Right. Well, they can try to stop me." We chuckled. "You wanted to tell me something," I reminded him.
His dark eyes became serious.
And then he kissed me, his unleashed passion tearing through my body. I moaned, and our tongues danced with fire, the pain in me mixing with pleasure. I grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer, needing him inside me.
And he pulled away. "I want you, Catelyn. I know you deserve better, I know you deserve a man who's good and kind and honest. And I know I'm not him. But when I'm with you, all that slips away. When I'm with you, I don't care. All expectations fall away, and we are two people together, imperfect and beautiful."
I pulled my hand away. Thiswaswhat I wanted. What I needed. But how could I tell him about Cat? "Ash, I… "
He leaned back. "If you won't have me, I understand. I'm dangerous. Back in the mine, I wanted to hurt Lucky. I wanted to kill him." He stifled a nervous laugh. "Does that make me a monster?"
"No," I said, and then I knew. I could no longer deny the part of me that was Cat, could no longer pretend that she didn't exist. She did, and she was strong and brave and had helped me make it through these hard times. She'd been able to see Ash in a way that Catelyn, with her fears and insecurities, hadn't. She'd made me stronger and I embraced her. "It makes you human," I finished, speaking both as Cat and Catelyn. Speaking as me.
His eyebrows jumped as he recognized my words.
"Ash, I lied to you. When you asked if I had a nickname. I do. You can call me Catelyn, if you want. But… "
I swallowed hard, my palms sweating. "You can also call me Cat."
Chapter Thirty Five
Confessions and Motives
"I HAVE TO think about this," Ash said, his fists clenched.
I nodded. "I understand." I sounded calm, but fear and anger stormed inside me. If you leave me, Ash, I won't blame you. But please don't. Because you're right. We're not perfect, but we're still beautiful.
"Goodbye… Catelyn." Ash left the hospital room, his jaw tight.
My heart sunk to the bottom of my gut. I'd lost him. I knew it.