Before I go downstairs, I notice Bebe kick her feet back out of the blankets and realize she does it on purpose. I remember how she always wants to go barefoot even in the autumn cold.
Knowing this little thing about her makes my stomach hurt. I'm not looking to marry the chick. I don't even want a girlfriend, but I've been fantasizing about nailing Bebe since our first meeting. Now my dream is making me more than a little fucking nervous.
7
Bebe
Rough Regrets
The painters take only an hour to finish Lula's room. Pax doesn't say much while the men are in the house, instead watching them like they might steal his shit. Once they leave around lunchtime, he mellows out a little, but not much.
Spending too much money on the pink bedding and a few decorative touches for the room, I want everything to be perfect for my baby. Lula bounces up and down once the room is ready.
"Mine," she whispers.
Pax stands at the door and crosses his arms. "That's a lot of pink."
Thinking he's mad, Lula loses her smile. I don't blame her. Pax sounds pissed.
"He's a typical boy," I tell Lula. "They don't like pink."
Lula nods but stares scared at Pax until he sighs. "So you gonna sleep in here tonight like a big kid?"
Her gaze still nervous, Lula nods. Pax finally realizes he's freaking her out.
"One day, you'll have a brother or sister. Then you'll know what it's like to have their stupid asses ditch you."
I shouldn't laugh, but he's being ridiculous. My older sister has been missing for years, and I coped with her disappearance without a single tantrum. Pax, though, can't handle a single week without Ford.
Even angry, Pax smiles when I laugh. Lula does too. She can't help it. My baby always smiles at my laughter. I do the same when she laughs. We're more alike than I wish.
"Pax misses his brother," I tell Lula, who runs her little fingers over the Strawberry Shortcake comforter.
"He'll be back soon," she says to Pax even though her eyes only see the new sheets.
"Not soon enough."
I'm still grinning when I hear the doorbell. "How much do you want to bet that's them now?"
"A million bucks and a night with your legs in the air."
Smacking him on the arm, I glance horrified at Lula. Fortunately, she doesn't care about us. She's in love with her room, and everything else is static.
When I punch him in the arm again, Pax laughs. "Puny human."
I follow him out of the room and stop at the stairs while he answers the door. I know even before he answers that his brother will be on the other side. Pax knows too because he turns to me and asks if I'll take a check.
The door opens to reveal a grinning Ford leaning against the outside railing.
"Turd," he says, before giving me a nod. "Look at your new roommate. She's almost prettier than me."
"Shut the fuck up," Pax grumbles yet looks relieved to see him. "Oh, you brought Shay back with you. Too bad."
Her blonde hair swaying in a ponytail, Shay shoves him aside while leading her little brothers Donnie and Devin upstairs. They seem happy after their mini-vacation.
"Hey, Bebe," she says, hugging me to her. "I want details."
I share her smile then direct the boys to the TV. They find juice pouches and chips in the kitchen then turn on cartoons. Ford and Pax remain at the doorway, messing with each other.
Shay and I walk down the hall to where Lula sits on her bed like she's floating on clouds.
"Oh, look at this," Shay coos.
"Isn't it beautiful?" I add.
Grinning from ear to ear, Lula is happier than I've ever seen her. I'll never forget how Pax gave her this joyful moment.
"Devin and Donnie are watching TV in the living room. Do you want to go see them?"
Lula looks around her room then loses her smile. She wants to stay put, but I worry she might overhear us through the wall.
"Please," I say, kneeling in front of her. "After Shay and I talk, I'll stay in here with you and watch a movie. Does that sound good?"
Lula smiles again then walks to the living room. I watch her disappear around the corner then hurry into my bedroom and shut the door.
"You're a good mommy," Shay says behind me.
I don't know what gets into me, but the tears come fast and hard. Shay's horrified expression mirrors how I'd feel in the same situation.
"What's wrong?" she asks, guiding me to the bed.
"I'm not a good mom. Lula could have died because of me. They held a gun to her and made her drink beer and anything could have happened. That was on me."
"They're evil fuckers who will soon be dead fuckers. Ford could barely wait to get back and deal with it."
I wipe my eyes, but the tears keep coming. My mind won't stop showing me Lula's terrified face the night at Taz's whorehouse.
"No. It's me. I should have given her up for adoption when she was a baby. I knew she could get a nice home with a good family. I just wanted her so bad. I was selfish, and she's jinxed like everyone else in my family."
Shay hugs me. "Don't be so hard on yourself."