"Maybe I’m not the one twisting it, Sarah."
"I feel like everyone knew the full story except for me. Leo didn’t get to know me. He heard stories about who I used to be and used it to his advantage. It’s embarrassing, Emma. I should’ve been the one to tell him those things about myself."
"Okay, now that I understand. Embarrassed is one thing. Breaking up with a man you are obviously in love with is something altogether different."
"You don’t get it, Emma. What if Leo had never done all of those things that made me fall in love with him? How would I feel about him? Hell, what if he just told me he loved me because he thought I needed to hear it. I don’t know this new guy at all any more than he knows new Sarah. And it hurts because, even if we get back together, I’m not sure that I’ll ever feel for this new guy like I did my old Leo."
"Jesus, listen to yourself. New Sarah. Old Sarah. New Leo. Old Leo. I honestly can’t keep up. I’m sorry, sis, but you’ve worn out that phrase. You are still the same Sarah from before the accident and Leo is still the same man you came home raving about after your first date. People change and evolve every single day. It’s not exactly a novel concept that people act differently when they first start dating than they do later in relationships.
"So he knew some stuff about you. It sucks. And yes, he should have told you. But I don’t think that makes him a liar any more than your not telling him makes you a liar."
"I guess we will just have to agree to disagree," I huff and head toward the bedroom.
I can’t just let this go. I get what Emma’s saying and I hear her rational words. It’s just that I’ve spent so much of the last few years feeling like an outsider even in my own skin. I can’t go back to that. I need some sort of control in my life. Maybe I handed Leo too much of that control over me. That could be why this hurts so much. Leo didn’t just betray me; I betrayed myself.
I walk into the bedroom, and instead of digging through my drawers to find pajamas, I crawl into bed. I don’t want to think about Leo anymore. But when I close my eyes, all I can think about is the deep hum of his chuckle before everything fell apart. If Leo ever does manage to build that time machine, the first thing I’m doing is stealing it and going back to those two seconds in time when everything felt perfect. I’d happily relive that moment for all of eternity.
An hour or so later, Emma wakes me up by throwing a T-shirt at my head. Ultimately, she ended up in tight yoga pants and one of my low-cut tank tops, which does, in fact, make her boobs look fantastic. And because I appreciate her leaving Collin and Caleb at home just to spend the night with me, I don’t even argue when I pull on the stained sweats she laid out for me.
"Casey, where’s Eli tonight?" I ask while grabbing the last piece of sushi.
"Hell if I know. We haven’t spoken in a few weeks."
"Oh dear Lord." I roll my eyes and she lets out a small giggle. "You better be amazing in bed because you give that man hell and he always comes back."
"He’s a dick, but yes, I am amazing in bed."
We all laugh.
"Oh, hey. I read those Fifty Shades books y’all were talking about the other day. I thought I was fucked up. Christian is crazy." I laugh but neither of them utters a word. I turn to look at Emma and she’s blinking rapidly at me. "What?" I ask, looking at Casey, who looks equally as shocked.
"You read?" Emma asks.
"All three books?" Casey clarifies behind her.
"Yes," I answer suspiciously.
"I thought that was, like, against your religion or something?" Emma says seriously, but a smile grows on her face.
"Oh, shut up. I used to read all the time."
"Used to." Casey emphasizes. "You haven’t read anything since the wreck."
"Oh stop. It’s no big deal. Leo wasn’t feeling well over the weekend, so we just laid around. I didn’t want the TV to bother him and his Kindle was on the nightstand, so I decided to read instead of dying of boredom."
"I’m not sure which part of that sentence is weirdest. The fact that you willingly chose to read an actual book or that Leo has a Kindle." Emma laughs.
"He’s a big nerd, actually. I tried to read one of his books, and dear God, they were boring. They were all classic literature or, like, books on great wars in history."
"Oh jeez. That sounds torturous. So how’d you like Fifty?"
"It was good. Although I’d punch a man in the face if he ever tried to spank me. But it was hot reading about it," I respond and they both bust out laughing.
The rest of the night is spent on the couch with Emma and Casey. Thankfully, no one brings up Leo again. No questions, no arguments. Nothing. Just sushi, chocolate, and terrible reality TV.
SPACE.