"Why didn’t you call me? What’s going on? You not feeling well?" Emma rushes out a barrage of questions that makes me roll my eyes.
"Because I didn’t want to deal with this." I motion between the two of them.
"Leo out of town?" Emma asks, sitting down in the chair next to the couch.
"Don’t know. Don’t care," I drone emotionlessly as my stomach knots and my chest aches.
"Ah. So you’re that kind of sick. Y’all have a fight?"
"No. We broke up," I answer shortly, hoping to close the conversation just as quickly as it opened.
"All right. Spill it," Emma says, propping her feet on the table.
"Yeah, not happening." I stand and head to my small kitchen, which overlooks the living room.
"I thought things were going really well," Casey tells my back.
"They were. Now they’re not."
They have to stop talking about Leo before the anxiety creeping up has a chance to turn into a full-blown panic attack. It won’t be the first one I’ve had since I left Leo. I barely even made it a block from his apartment before I had to pull over and catch my breath.
Losing Leo hurts far more than I thought possible. I miss him so much. This is such a sucky situation because I want nothing more than to turn to Leo right now. I know he’d be able to make me relax. It was also a false sense of comfort, but I’d give anything to feel again.
"All right. I’m headed to Leo’s to get some answers." Emma jumps to her feet and walks to the door.
"No, you are fucking not." I rush after her. Just as she grabs the handle of the door, I snag her arm. "Don’t. It’s not a big deal. We just broke up. It was nothing scandalous or dramatic," I lie. "It just didn’t work out."
"So if it’s that simple, why are you calling in sick and getting fired from your job? That doesn’t sound like ‘no big deal’ to me." She slings a pair of air quotes my way. "It sounds like you’re hurting."
I try to give her a bitchy smile, but my chin begins to quiver, giving away my impending breakdown. "I, um…" I stutter as my hands start to shake and tears spill from my eyes. I don’t even know why I’m crying except that she’s right. I’m hurting so fucking bad.
"Okay. Casey, go get sushi. Spare no expense. Stop and grab an overnight bag too. It’s a girls’ night," Emma announces, wrapping me into a hug that does nothing to calm me down. "You want wine or chocolate tonight?" She leans away, catching my eye.
"Chocolate," I answer, trying to fight a losing battle with my emotions.
"I’ll be right back." Casey gives my shoulder a squeeze and darts out the door.
"Go get in some ugly-ass pajamas. And lend me some sexy ones." She walks to the kitchen and calls over her shoulder, "I’m not even kidding. I don’t care if you did just get broken up with. I’m not hanging out with you tonight if you wear one of those tank tops that makes your boobs look better than mine."
I let out a strangled laugh, and just like that, the floodgates open. "I think I love him," I admit out loud for the first time.
"Jesus, Sarah. What happened?"
"He’s a liar, and I hate him, because even though I know that, I can’t stop thinking about him or stop wishing he were here."
"Did you open up about your past?" she guesses, grabbing the ice cream from the freezer and two spoons from the drawer.
"I didn’t have to. He knows everything. His best friend was at Foundations with me. He filled Leo in on all my bullshit. The wreck, my suicide attempts, trying to shoot Brett. Everything."
"Fuck," Emma breathes. "I’m assuming that didn’t go over well?"
"He told me he loves me anyway," I barely even whisper, unable to trust my voice with the ludicrous words—yet another one of Leo’s lies.
"Wait. What?" she asks, putting the ice cream down on the counter. "So he knows everything and he told you he loves you anyway? Please tell me I’m missing a part of this equation."
"He’s known for a while. At least since my birthday. He’s lied to me so many times that I can’t even begin to recount them all."
"Lied how?"
"He does this thing where he always knows exactly what to say when I get nervous or stressed out. I thought that’s just who he was, but come to find out, he just knew enough about me to know what I needed. The man I was falling in love with wasn’t Leo at all. I don’t have a clue who he really is." I wipe the tears from my eyes and take a quick breath to get myself back in check.
"Okay…let me try to get this straight one last time. You have somewhat of a troubled past, you meet a hot man, and you do not disclose aforementioned past. Then you fall in love with said hot man because he makes you feel safe and comfortable, only to find out that he already knows the shit—that you never told him but should have—and he used it to his advantage to make you feel…well, safe and comfortable all the while falling in love with you. And now that you know this information, you have decided that he’s a liar for not being a dick and heading for the hills?"
"That is not at all what I said, so stop twisting it," I snap, crossing my arms over my chest.