My mother held me close. “If you want to break the blood bond, you must find Aiyana. There are ways, but make certain it’s what you truly want. You will never feel as strongly for another human being as you do to the person you are bound to. Love is love, no matter how you come by it.”
I didn’t understand what she was saying. Soon, I wouldn’t be me anymore. The only chance I had of hanging on to some semblance of myself was through Dane and I could hardly stand to look at him. The eyes of my love and now my enemy.
46
VESSEL
“NINA, BRING HER to me,” Katia called, her black hair billowing around her face like agitated snakes.
My mother gathered her strength and helped me to my feet. She walked me to the edge of the chasm where Katia waited. I wanted to resist, I wanted to scream, I wanted to dig my heels in and fight, but I could feel Katia taking control of my body—shutting down my will. Raw power pulsed through every cell, luring me in like prey.
My mother whispered, “I loved you before you were even a complete thought in my mind. You gave me a reason to live, to fight, to remember that good still remained in this world. Katia let me go because you were already inside of me. I’ve been practicing for this moment my entire life—I just didn’t know I was practicing for you. You gave my life meaning and I will always be a part of you, but the time has come for you to let me go.”
I hugged her tighter, but she broke away from me and stepped back. A wave of pain swept over me, so crushing I thought it might bury me. I was grateful I got to see her one more time, but I knew this was truly good-bye. The next time she saw my face, I wouldn’t be me anymore.
My mother smiled. “I didn’t leave you unprotected.”
Despair and confusion gripped me.
“It’s time,” Katia announced.
I couldn’t believe it all came down to this. All of the struggle, all of the fighting, all of the pain added up to nothing. Katia got what she wanted, and so did Dane.
I felt the black silk ribbon slither from my neck and drift off into the corn. Without it, I felt hollow and cold. Just like Katia wanted me to feel. Just like I deserved. I was never anything more than a vessel.
47
THE KISS
KATIA RAISED HER ARMS to the dusky gray rose sky above the sacred circle and took in a deep breath. She fixed her eyes on me. I felt my chest inflate involuntarily, my lungs filling with tiny sparks of electricity and magic. She exhaled, breathing white flames onto my skin—a celestial fire. I wanted the fire to burn the flesh from my bones and char my memories, but I felt no heat from the flames.
The words that flowed from Katia’s mouth through mine felt as natural to me as a nursery rhyme, something that I’d known since the womb. “Kirikus icawatka ru’, cirasa ru’, kaawakit ru’ rikus kiru kiaarawataar,” we spoke.
Katia leaned forward to kiss my mouth, taking in a deep breath of the white fire that danced across my lips. I watched the flames move through her in a flash, releasing her soul from her body. Black vapor seeped from her mouth, creeping toward me like a sickness, and her body collapsed to the ground, like a snake shedding its skin. I felt her presence probing me, trying to find a place of weakness to get in. My mind told me to resist, but my body wanted to breathe her in, like the most beautiful perfume.
I heard my mother’s words in my ear. Uhurahak a u’ a—Let go and let yourself fall.
When I couldn’t hold it any longer, I took in one last deep gasp of air—every memory, every feeling, every dream, every fear collapsed upon me, imprisoning me. I felt like a stranger in my own body. At first I could hear my heart beat, like being in the womb. I felt the euphoric sensation of Dane’s presence. But I also felt myself disappearing, receding. Little by little being absorbed into my own bloodstream. Any hope that Dane and I had of being able to keep even a shred of ourselves was a beautiful lie. Nothing remained but despair and emptiness. I felt myself slipping away into the abyss.
I let go.